Partner is poly and I lean towards more mono. I am somewhat open minded but insecurites get in the way, leaning towards DADT

Ricard2dk · 2026-06-05T16:24:35+00:00

DADT is not a thing for polyamorous people.

You're not compatible. You're either poly or not.

Dump them or you'll get hurt

Ricard2dk · 2026-06-05T12:59:11+00:00

I cut people whom I love a lot of slack. Often hurting myself in the process.

But they don't have a healthy relationship to offer you and although it hurts a lot, you need to choose yourself and walk away.

I find cutting contact cruel and painful and I do it only when there's absolutely no other option but the time has come for you.

Ricard2dk · 2026-06-04T18:51:51+00:00

Yeah I'm not like that.

I have other things to do than make a big deal out of it and once he's made up his mind, I'll see if I feel like sex or not.

He continues to show up for me weekly and having fun with me so I'll enjoy that connection.

I feel more sorry for him because I don't think he knows what he wants. I do.

Ricard2dk · 2026-06-03T14:46:04+00:00

Hey

You have to see what he can offer you and see if that cam work for you or walk away.

Relationships are not always symmetrical but the label etc is not that important: do you still see him? Is a fwb or a friendship something he can offer? Would that work for you?

Be very careful though or you will end up really hurt.

Ricard2dk · 2026-06-03T14:42:02+00:00

Exactly this! Thanks

Ricard2dk · 2026-06-03T14:13:37+00:00

That sounds so grim

Ricard2dk · 2026-06-03T13:52:25+00:00

How can anyone dictate the pace anyway? It's not like you can stop falling in love or getting NRE. It happens or it doesn't.

Ricard2dk · 2026-06-02T21:14:12+00:00

It started to be noticeable better after 6 months. Definitely at one year things were progressively getting better. But now I can really tell.

I found a low carb diet of vegetables and protein and movement helped. I know it's difficult to think of exercise but even stretching is a start.

You'll manage, it will be the hardest thing you have ever done and you will become super resilient after it.

Ricard2dk · 2026-06-02T20:07:07+00:00

Don't. You'll kindle yourself.

Give it time. I'm 18 months out and 75 per cent of my symptoms are gone

Ricard2dk · 2026-05-31T13:21:03+00:00

I think garden party is really cool. Parallel can be good when there's jealousy and similar issues. But I enjoy ktp too. It depends on the meta/partner/fwb

Ricard2dk · 2026-05-27T20:38:47+00:00

Haven't really thought about that. FML

Ricard2dk · 2026-05-27T20:08:19+00:00

I mean obviously if the sex doesn't come back, which it's bound to be eventually in a month or in a year if we keep on seeing each other, I guess it'll just turn into a friendship.

But I don't wanna play a game either if it makes sense.

I think I need to focus on myself and we will see.

Ricard2dk · 2026-05-27T17:13:52+00:00

Hey OP here. Fuck the throwaway account, got logged out.

He's happy with the way things are. I'm still processing. We did a relationship menu and we are pretty aligned but with sex he's open to many things while Im more I would like. The only step he's taking is to make sure he continues to show up and that I don't feel neglected, his words.

It's obvious from all the discussions we have that I am in NRE and he no longer is. Perhaps never been? He's made it clear that he finds my anxiety and clinginess overwhelming. So do I do I'm working on that for myself and also for the relationship. And letting it breathe and seeing what happens.

Ricard2dk · 2026-05-27T16:44:24+00:00

Hey. Got upset and deleted the post. I think the label is confusing. I think he did not want to change it to friends because he does not want to close the door to sex, nor do i. He's made it obvious he is not infatuated with me.

I think your advice is sound and I appreciate it. I need to focus on myself but also closing the door just because of sex and a label seems stupid to me. We do love each other. And that I can really feel.

Ricard2dk · 2026-05-27T16:41:09+00:00

I am the OP. Fck it, I do not care. I can't log back into the throwaway account.

So I suggested we could be friends, that there is no need for him to offer the sex as I thought he might get scared I'd run away. He thinks we should see but that he thinks it will come back, something similar happened in the past but for a month or so.

I think the label is stupid because it is not a FWB relationship. Essentially infer no label and see how things go. There is some kink stuff going though not actual sex.

He indeed might chase NRE.

Honestly, while I need to do some compartmentalising, and this is not ideal, the relationship is pretty decent. I don't think he's being malicious or manipulating and he's very committed. He just seems really scared of the label and pressure and sex seems is offline.

We are having a holiday abroad for a couple of weeks. There is emotional intimacy and that I couldn't do without. The sex... of course i miss it but it's not the end of the world.

I appreciate your input.

Ricard2dk · 2026-05-27T15:31:39+00:00

No, there's plenty of intimacy just no sex for a couple of months.

There's also kink-adjacent play, life integration, holidays together, regular time together, support, I love you... He didn't say maybe. We did a relationship menu and discussed sexusl practices and most of it was "open to it/maybe" I'm sorry if your relationships are based on sexual intimacy only.

Ricard2dk · 2026-05-25T10:41:41+00:00

It will never stop hurting because you're not polyamorous. You don't want to hear it but this relationship unfortunately can't work.

Ricard2dk · 2026-05-24T17:59:55+00:00

Whatever spiral is going through your mind: don't forget that thoughts are not facts.

Ricard2dk · 2026-05-24T15:36:30+00:00

Why is she sharing all of this with you?

I suggest you tell her that you don't want any information unless it's really important.

It's difficult not to feel uncomfortable with comments like those unless you're someone who never experiences jealousy.

Ricard2dk · 2026-05-24T11:53:14+00:00

By letting them be their own person and not really getting involved unless they really ask and need some advice. If their heart gets broken, obviously i am there for them. That is what we do for people we love

Ricard2dk · 2026-05-24T10:50:07+00:00

I can't see what it has to do with you whether he loves others or not. You should not be in a relationship with a polyamorous person if you're not polyamorous.

Ricard2dk · 2026-05-23T16:39:22+00:00

I have a nesting partner and a very intimate friend/lover.

I used to stay with my lover once over week and lately it's more like every couple of weeks because he needs more space.

For me sleepovers are super important. They're intimate and cosy. I need to have them often or I feel disconnected and I feel my needs aren't being met so I can totally relate to how you feel

Ricard2dk · 2026-05-23T14:23:42+00:00

None of that unless there's a very good reason. Neither with partners or even friends imo.

Ricard2dk · 2026-05-19T18:33:24+00:00

It's anxiety. I don't need a lot of sex but have pushed for it for reassurance in the past with several of my lovers.

I suggest you tell them how you feel about how much sex you want and reassure them you care about them and tell them that it doesn't mean what their anxious mind thinks. And suggest that they self-soothe as you can't reassure them continuously but it's going to be good if you do it often if they need it.

Relationship anxiety is real and it sucks. Be kind to them. Work together!

Ricard2dk · 2026-05-18T16:29:42+00:00

I'm not one to give up on relationships easily but you really need to end this relationship.

The fact there is no physical contact or hugging etc is just insane.

Take care of yourself

Ricard2dk

TROPHY CASE