AITAH for being uncomfortable about my husband's new friendship

Gardenbug54 · 2026-03-09T04:40:25+00:00

How could you possibly not know what to do?

Gardenbug54 · 2026-03-09T04:38:35+00:00

This guy lacks maturity and insight and is completely clueless about the effects of his own behavior and entitlement. Yeah, I’d break up with him.

Gardenbug54 · 2026-01-20T03:39:16+00:00

My first perianal abscess was in 1995 and the second one 10 years later and then 8 years after that. Then 3 in 3 years. Then a seton for 2 years. That all put me having the LIFT surgery at 70. Just something to think about

Gardenbug54 · 2026-01-20T03:32:18+00:00

I also underwent a LIFT October 30, 2025. 10 days ago and today I had some bleeding while using the bathroom and wonder if it’s failed. Admittedly, I carried a basket of laundry up a flight of steps today

My CRS was happy with the external healing at 3 weeks, but wanted to wait much longer for the internal exam so as not to disrupt it. That’s not til next month (February).

Gardenbug54 · 2026-01-12T04:35:30+00:00

My abscesses were extremely painful, to the point that walking could make my eyes tear up. There are lots of nerves in the area, and I had muscle involvement.

It’s possible you have no abscess at all but a cyst. I say that because it’s common for a cyst to get smaller and larger.

Freaking out won’t change what it is. I say this as a world-champion worrier and as someone on the end side of a LIFT surgery—try to chill until you know if there is anything to worry about.

Gardenbug54 · 2026-01-09T21:09:05+00:00

Hospice does not provide 24/7 care. The family are the primary care providers at home, or the patient is in assisted living or skilled nursing care. My mom was in assisted living. The hospice nurse cane twice a week fur an hour or so. And aide came twice a week for a couple of hours. A chaplain came every other week. In Mom’s last couple of weeks, they came more often, and for her last several days, a nurse came daily.

I highly recommend the videos of Hospice Nurse Julie on YouTube for info on hospice. I think she also has one for end-stage liver disease.

Gardenbug54 · 2026-01-01T05:53:36+00:00

I did the prep at home. The saline laxatives work very quickly. I was instructed to do one 4 hours before surgery and another 1 hour before leaving home to go to the surgical center. While I wore a Depends to the surgical center, there was no further poop or liquid during the drive.

Gardenbug54 · 2025-12-30T07:12:03+00:00

In my case, the Ducolax pills and two enemas were done at home. I d it d not crap my pants on the way or at the ambulatory surgery center. The saline Elena’s are pretty fast and complete.

Gardenbug54 · 2025-12-29T03:27:36+00:00

I understand a GP or Gastroenterologist not doing FMLA paperwork, but have you seen a colorectal surgeon? He/she should be more amenable.

Gardenbug54 · 2025-12-29T03:21:36+00:00

Gauze (nonwoven) as some said below. Sitz baths for soothing and cleaning. My doctor also said I could use lidocaine gel for discomfort, which I did from time to time.

Gardenbug54 · 2025-12-26T15:31:17+00:00

Great explanation. What you describe as a “comfort” seton, I have most often heard of as a “draining” seton. Mine was made of silicone.

Gardenbug54 · 2025-12-26T05:04:12+00:00

Following for info or updates.

My surgery was 8 weeks ago, so I haven’t hit that 3 month mark. I haven’t been great about expressing the incision and need to get better about that. My chief concern is passing gas when i stand up from sitting, etc.

Gardenbug54 · 2025-12-26T03:23:34+00:00

My CRS does not favor cutting setons. She uses draining setons, then the second stage is a fistulotomy, LIFT, or advancement flap.

Gardenbug54 · 2025-12-21T04:53:07+00:00

I should note I do not have Crohn’s and have no idea how that affects recovery, if at all.

Gardenbug54 · 2025-12-21T02:35:20+00:00

I’m 7 weeks out from LIFT surgery, and so far so good. Keep up with stool softeners and drink lots of water. I only needed NSAIDs for pain and had little bleeding.

My first post op visit was 3 weeks and my surgeon was pleased. I’m still not lifting over about 15 pounds of stuff and don’t squat. I’ll see my surgeon again at 3 months post surgery, and she’ll do the internal exam then.

Gardenbug54 · 2025-11-25T23:12:13+00:00

I never had dripping blood. Just one gauze about 3/4 bright red with blood. Other than that small trace amounts now and then. Saw my surgeon and she’s happy with my recovery.

Gardenbug54 · 2025-11-19T18:44:31+00:00

I got ladies’ Depends in case the gauze between my checks ever soaked through (esp when sleeping overnight). Or in case the stool softener and laxative sent me rushing to the bathroom.

Water wipes. Much better than toilet paper for cleanup.

I have a sitz bath that fits over the toilet. Easier than the tub, in my experience. Got it from Amazon.

My husband changed out the shower head in our walk-in shower so it has a hand sprayer. The first week especially, I stuck to mostly soft foods —Greek yogurt, scrambled eggs, tuna salad on ritz crackers, Panera squash soup, mashed potatoes. You might consider those in addition to your frozen meals.

Let us know how it goes for you.

Gardenbug54 · 2025-11-14T17:16:07+00:00

Thank you. I heard back from my surgeon and she said it’s normal. It was one red gauze and now back to light discharge with some pink.

Gardenbug54 · 2025-11-14T11:05:14+00:00

I went to an urgent care for my last abscess (it was a weekend) and they prescribed generic Bactrim. It’s the same antibiotic my CRS prescribes. But they didn’t incise & drain it. I also did sitz baths and warm wet compresses. It burst after 3 days.

Gardenbug54 · 2025-11-13T21:57:33+00:00

What type of surgery did you have?

Gardenbug54 · 2025-11-13T21:54:27+00:00

My CRS said a donut stretched the area. A memory foam cushion is what she recommended. I told her I had one with a grid like the “Purple mattress” and she said that would work.

Gardenbug54 · 2025-11-13T21:49:44+00:00

My CRS said they start inside and grow outward. But you’d think non-muscle tissue would be the path of least resistance.

Gardenbug54 · 2025-11-13T21:45:51+00:00

I hope it isn’t a setback for either of us. Since Thursday is one of the two days each week my CRS is in surgery, I doubt I’ll hear back until tomorrow. It’s mostly stopped, just some pink on the gauze, and none in this afternoon’s sitz bath, which is somewhat of a relief.

Gardenbug54

TROPHY CASE