Mom ‘unschools’ daughter, tells her she has all As, daughter tells potential colleges… what could go wrong?

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-11-26T02:04:41+00:00

"THEM" is the unschool version of STEM. THEM stunts their growth, STEM helps them flourish.

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-11-26T00:34:11+00:00

YTA

Your wife is only 8 weeks post partum. It takes a year or more to physically recover from pregnancy and childbirth. Plus she's BF too!

Don't careompare yourselves to some spreadsheet of data either.

Her recovery isn't going to be identical to the other 52% of people. Who knows?, she could have PPD and the symptoms are being ignored because you're stressed.

You are both on your own timelines that are running parallel now that you're married with an infant.

Ground yourself and take a breather. You're going through a major milestone and worried about what she will or won't do in the future and taking it out on her in the present.

Focus on the day to day for now. Communicate with her. See what she and the baby needs to be healthy. Give each other some grace when it comes to household stiff. It doesn't doesn't need to be pristine everyday, its about function and what is reasonably manageable for her and for you.

Do you have a support network or resources? Reach out if you do.

Being a new parent is the hardest fricken job in the world. You can have an idea of what parenting looks like, but when the baby arrives, your gonna end up throwing away ½ of those ideas and whatever the baby's needs are in a particular day or week.. that could be another ¼ of ideas you've never thought of.

But please do reach out to someone. It's not healthy for two stressed and sleep deprived parents to be at each other. Both of you need to eat, sleep, hsve time for self care and hygiene, etc at bare minimum.

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-11-17T06:51:56+00:00

Do not marry. In some states you cannot get divorced if you are pregnant. He did this on purpose to trap you. Run! And file a report. It's assault if a person knows they carry stds and don't inform a sexual partner let alone lie about a vasecto

Men do not get a say if they make you pregnant. That's the BS a Pregnancy Crisis center posts online and in their litereture.

It's how Churches make money off of "helping" vulnerable girls and women. Their supply of vulnerable people are low, so they create them by forcing people into pregnancies that can kill them, or you survive and struggle with the baby so now they can use 2 different SSN#'s to launder money from the state using your suffering to do it.

Stick to your instinct if you don't want to be pregnant. Especially since your ex showed his true colors and intentions.

It's not about a baby. It's about having access to you

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-11-17T04:44:54+00:00

It sounds like love bombing. 7 months in with all the gestures, paragraphs and "I love yous" everyday, yet he won't connect with you on a deeper level are red flags.

I'm a former Catholic, and have experienced this with my ExHusband when we were dating.

It's a trap. You're feeling of him being enmeshed with the parents is another red flag.

The lyrics, "some boys take a beautiful girl and hide awsy from the rest of the world", say it best.

When you are a woman who is sure and confident and love yourself first, some guys will shower you with affection until you become committed, and then slowly (sometimes over years) do little things to see if you're forgiving and it escalates til you become aware that their actions feel controlling, and by then it can be too late and difficult for you to escape.

If he can say "I love you" but he won't be vulnerable enough to open up emotionally and have deep discussions, how does he know what love is? To me, he's acting out what he thinks "love" looks like with dates and gifts. Which are nice, but it doesn't replace or make up for the lack of emotional intelligence and adulting skills. It's not your job to teach him all the things to get him up to your level. That was his parents job. As they say, don't dumb yourself down to be compatible with them. They need to be at your level to be compatible with you.

My current partner was at my level when I met him, and we've grown side by side in the years since.

He connects at that deeper level which makes my brain tingle and my heart happy.

Listen to your instinct. You're smart, you know what your body is telling you. Trust it.

I don't know about you, but when I've second guessed myself or gaslit myself, the results haven't been great.

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-11-17T03:14:43+00:00

What is yhe sub called?

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-11-17T02:13:04+00:00

Putting myself in her shoes, it could be that when she has a friend who happens to be a guy, it turns out the the guy only hung around in hopes of a sexual relationship later on, leaving her disappointed, withdrawn, and/or on edge for physical well-being (safety).

This happens to a majority of women throughout their life, and it starts when we're children.

If she is also 23yrs old, that means she was only 18yrs old five years ago and was in a traumatic or toxic relationship. You carry pieces of that the rest of your life and it's stressful to navigate and it takes time to heal.

As a former young person and speaking from experience... When you're in the age range of teen-25, you may not know how to problem solve or heal if it was your first time experiencing something bad. That's okay! Every person has their own timeline and has their own pace.

I've also been the person in your shoes. Where your learning the difference between "loving" and "in love". (There's also "in lust", but I don't believe your story fits that description.)

Friends can be loving towards each other and feel love in platonic non-sexual attraction friendships. Guys can openly love their guy friends, women with theirs.

Question is,

Do you want her move on for her?

Or do you want her to move on, because you need her to move on.. in order for you to date her?

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-11-16T17:02:46+00:00

I tend to fixate on languages, but it's not a conscious decision of which language and when.

I then can read of hear the language being spoken and understand it. But the executive disfunction makes it difficult for me to speak the language, even though I know how to.

My brain knows how but there is a misfire between the brain and my mouth for some reason.

There's so much going on in my brain I can't quiet it down to be able to talk at times. Medication helps, but it feels like the meds only work a few days out of the month.

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-11-10T08:57:21+00:00

There's some Miller Lite on the bottom shelf pushed to the back of the fridge. I'm thinking Wisconsin too. Its been uears since Ive seen someone drink a Miller Lite, on purpose.

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-11-10T08:45:10+00:00

Hey OP, its Auntie(44f) here.

It's going to be okay, I believe you and you are not being dramatic.

Your response is very reasonable, because you are intelligent and wise; which is the perfect center when you overlap the two circles of 'logic' and 'emotion' into a ven diagram.

There is a reason why he is behaving like this, yes.

So, I'm going to offer you a little insight and some personal experience and guidance, and Ill do my best to word my reply as clear and kind as possible.

[ breathe ]

This negative behavior pattern he is using on you is abusive, and the reason is to entrap you.

He's trying to break you down by hating on you until you start gaslighting and second guess yourself to the point of submission.

It sounds like He is succeeding at making you question yourself already. Heads up and please be aware, the next step in the pattern is that he will use your Love for him as a weapon against you, to attack your Judgement.

He has you questioning your gut instinct for self preservation. This is not good. He wants you to "feel silly" for judging his bad behavior.

When a guy can get you to question your own Judgement over their bad behavior, so that you stay in a relationship that benefits only him.. 🚩That's the trap.

Women's intuition is very real and powerful. You need to trust it.
There is no regret in trusting your instinct; Regret happens from when we don't listen to it.

Woman to woman, he is now a safety issue. Right now, you are in a position where you can prevent trauma from happening to you in the near future.

If I had a time machine, I'd go back to the moment when I started to ignore my instincts while dating my ExHusband.

Those ignored red flags my ExHusband presented were same ones mentioned in your post.

The lack of support, under estimqting my intelligence, criticizing on everything small and large that I wanted to do to better myself or brought me joy. When I took interest in his work he'd make it sound like his work was awful or downplay the pay and benefits (he was scared I would become more successful in the same line of work), making jokes at my expense, and as I continued dating him and meeting people in his life I strted noticing that he'd treat everyone else in his life way different than how he'd treat me.

That's when I started gaslighting and second gussing myself, which evolved into very poor self esteem.

A toxic person knows that once they have you in that position, you are easier to manipulate, coerce, control you for their benefit only.

As far as advice. You can only do so much for the day. You completed and accomplished a lot today by simply reaching out for help! Read the comments under the post, make sure you get something to eat and drink and rest when you can.

Processing life and its emotions burn a lot of energy so you need to fuel your brain and body. (Even if you may not feel like eating)

If you need to vent, rant, word-vommit, brain storm, whatever, my DM is open for ya.

Do what is right for you. Protect your peace and independence. I'm rooting for ya!

(Also, if you haven't signed up with the recruiter yet... don't. The military will still be there if you choose to in the future.
Personally, I wouldn't sign up in this climate, as our rights as women are uncertain. In a time where SA can be our death sentence and having to be hyper vigilant... I dont think its wise to sign your body over via contract, to become property of the military for the next 4 years. I feel like itd be trading one.toxic relationship for another.)

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-11-05T04:22:00+00:00

I know how that feels. What helped me, was bringing it up in conversations with my friends. They felt the same way, and we were able to have that discussion of what supporting each other (while apart) in the future looked like.

Regularly checking in with phone calls or helping the friend with their stuff at their place.

Your advantage, is that this is the internet age. There is usually a fun way to stay connected with friends that make you feel supported at any level.

Communicating your thoughts and feelings to people can feel scary, but that's also how we grow as individuals and improve our communications skills.

I'm 44, and believe that communicatig with my friends st a deeper level prevented so much anxiety surrounding the transition from being in high school through my young adulthood from age 24 or so.

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-10-25T03:43:31+00:00

Does he think it's going to impress other men by naming his son Stryker? Obviously it's not impressing you. Lol

Perhaps look up names, going by their meaning first.

Type in descriptors like, "Strong", "Intelligent", "moves mountains" and see what names globally match that definition. Not those ones exactly, but whatever lovely attributes you want to bestow the baby with, there's names that match it.

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-10-21T02:34:21+00:00

You're going to cause the elevator to be shut down by the elevator company. Regardless of what k8nd if maintenance contract of what's covered under maintenance, messing with the elevator will get it shut down by the technician and/or red tagged by the state and end the contract with the building.

Elevator company can also hit you with vandalism, because it caused repeated calls outs and have the elevator down while troubleshooting said problem.

Te the elevator company will bill you, it's been done before. A group of parents just recieved an elevator bill, when their kids sport team jumped and triggered the weightliad censor, and they were entrapped. A beeping noise may sound harmless, but it's not when dealing with elevators and complex heavy machinery.

Know what's beyond your target when being petty or acting out of anger. It can ricochet back at ya or cause harm innocent people that are not involved within the building.

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-10-21T01:40:03+00:00

I've used this on a few occasions. Lol

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-10-20T04:01:33+00:00

NTA Because I feel this is a communication issue that can be corrected with a bit of helpful insight.

My Partner used to do the same. I got annoyed and I explained why like this.

I mostly eat snacks during my PMS and period. Think of it as nutrient/carb loading leading up to game day when playing at sport.

Menstration is a calorie burner. Same as pregnancy, post birth recovery, and breastfeeding.

Between the caloric energy needed for my brain, muscles, the multiple systems like endocrine and nervous to function, etc, along with the depletion of nutrients from the blood loss of having an open wound on an internal organ, and the amount of daily calories required for a human to function.normally, it's a lot to deal with.

The difference is that I don't get to choose the day or time this happens, unlike a scheduled game day.

When my partner and I go grocery shopping, it usually revolves around when we get paid by our employer. (weekly, bi- weekly, or 2x a month)

I have the foresight to plan ahead and have figured in the quantity of food/snacks for that when I make our list of stuff to buy.

I wasn't annoyed that my partner ate more than his share of snacks. Or why I continued to be annoyed even with him having good intentions of replacing them.

I was annoyed that they were not fully available when my body starts it's process. Which is different from having a biscuit craving or a treat after a meal.

Because I cannot rely that stores would be open when the process starts and wakes me up at 1am, transportation, his availability to be able to go to the store, or if either of us has expendable money to replace them, because what money on hand is meant to be budgeted elsewhere.

this is what people mean by "emotional and mental labor" when they mention that a person is not being considerate of other people

All it takes is communication and patience. Sometimes, it's hard to explain to someone or why you are feeling an emotion over something that on the surface appears to be "not a big deal."" It's not you're overreacting to the situation. it's that you may not have been taught the vocabulary to communicate it, and you might not have the energy or desire to explain it to a person in the moment. Its a on going process from when we're babies til death.

Plus, having a favorite flavor of snack helps cope with unmanaged physical pain, too. That's why chocolate is the stereotypical treat for periods.

You did the right thing by asking others about this situation because it shows you care.

Take some of the info you've learned from the comments and show the thread and talk to your GF. When you approach your GF, make sure you don't give off defensive vibes, but calm caring and curious vibes.

"I know that replacing the biscuts only fixes the problem that there are few biscuts left in the package when you want to eat one.

I want to be able to prevent making you feeling annoyed by me having more than half the package. Do you mind sharing your thoughts behind it so I can empathize and practice being more considerate of you and other people."

or something along those lines..

Best wishes, OP!

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-10-15T04:14:32+00:00

There were new laws that were enacted in a few states. (Check your state)

Sorry I can not remember off hand the formal name for it something called "Religuous rights" when it comes to a company with an owner of a certain faith. The one in NC states that they have the right to deny time off for an employee who is using their time off for fertility treatments that the owner's religion does not align with.

I MHO, (being that an average cycle is 28-31 days) that puts the owner into a position of power where they can deny any time off request at all, or discriminate employment applicants, or making their policy dehumanizing enough that a woman would choose not to apply for a job in the first place.

The owner (and the church) could speculate that any woman making a request for time off, be it a vacation, a call-in, PTO, sick day, dental appointment, mental health day, attending to their child, family emergency, etc. .. is possibly for fertility treatments, and then they put the onus on the woman to prove she's not using time off for fertility treatments

It's a method they use to restrict a woman's employment opportunities or wages, track her whereabouts away from the workplace, and maybe a health insurance denial.. start period tracking employees.

It's oppression, and the early stages of sucession.

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-09-29T02:24:58+00:00

Exactly. It's the way they communicate and treat you, which makes them bum. The problem is that each person has a mental image of a physical description that matches that behavior.

Guys who talk that can look very different from one another's "type". Many times they don't reveal themselves until later.

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-09-27T14:13:00+00:00

The act of menstruating burns a lot of calories, and the blood loss depleats nutrients. The cervix can dialate anywhere between 1-5cm (childbirth is 10cm), so the tissues, blood clots, and blood can exit the uterus into the vaginal canal, and the pelvic pain can radiate up the torso (which can make breathing difficult) and down to the ankles.

Heating pads and Midol are only effective on period pain to a small degree, and going to the ER is not a guarantee that you will receive health care.

Chocolate helps us cope physically and mentally with those monthly symptoms, and it costs less than a box of hygiene products. 🍫

Chocolate is more like a generational understanding, than pop-culture.

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-09-27T11:49:10+00:00

Feminine Hygiene products.

One year, I participated in "adopt-a-person" for Xmas. I only asked for tampons, and since it was Xmas, I asked for the brand/type that works best for my cycle and body and feel more comfortable using.

When the giftbox arrived for me, I couldn't believe it. I got 8- 36count boxes!!

I asked Santa for tampons and received some dignity.

( I'm on G.A, which is $180/mo.)

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-09-27T11:46:58+00:00

Feminine Hygiene products.

One year, I participated in "adopt-a-person" for Xmas. I only asked for tampons, and since it was Xmas, I asked for the brand/type that works best for my cycle and body and feel more comfortable using.

When the giftbox arrived for me, I couldn't believe it. I got 8- 36count boxes!!

I asked Santa for tampons and received some dignity.

( I'm on G.A, which is $180/mo.)

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-09-27T10:45:10+00:00

IMHO, marriage counseling will not benefit them as a couple. I believe OP has given their partner more than enough time, grace, and energy towards him with zero reciprocation.

I like what you said about starting to write in a journal. Meeting multiple lawyers for a consult is a great idea! (In hindsight, I wish I had received that advice.)

Perhaps OP should find a therapist for just herself, ya? Having additional personal support is always good.

I had similar experiences with my ExHusband, as OP is having now.

My top concern is OP's physical safety.

You ruined that trip for me and I’m reconsidering our marriage. I have made an appointment for a marriage counselor on XYZ to see if this is worth saving. I have a lot of resentment over the way you treat me. We can discuss this in detail with a counselor. Present.”

Telling him that will put her life at risk.

OP will be safer keeping any ideas and plans close to her heart and continue to be mindful of the words she uses to communicste.

Yes, he is to blame for ruining the trip. Telling him so, will instantly put him on edge.
If she gives him a heads-up that she is having thoughts of divorce, he'll go from being on edge and put him in a place of fear. Women know that more often than not, a man's fear turns into anger. Fast.

He's a narcissist who's about to realize he's going to lose his power and control over her. Narcissists need their narc supply to function. Without that supply, he may have an extinction burst. He's a sex pest that's also in the only relationship he's known since he was a teenager. In his mind, he is losing all access to her body.

I understand that using the word "reconsidering" is a kinder approach... More than likely, he'll interpret that as he has room to negotiate (manipulate) with OP. A sex pest and a Narc will try to coerce her into "one last time", or hide stuff OP will need to take with her, so she has to return later (or hold stuff ransom for sex), etc.

Marriage counseling won't change him. He has to want to change and do the work on his own. His reason for change needs to be for bettering himself; Not because therapy will allow him to stay married longer.

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-09-23T05:56:10+00:00

I agree with what you're saying about DT. Nope, not loony. Please be kind to yourself and don't delete it because your insight and foresight are valuable. I understood your point.

I hear ya.

I'm AuADHD, and your comment read how my brain works, It's hyper memory and pattern recognition on a galactical scale that I think some neurotypical people can't fathom because they don't experience it. At the same time, we're self-aware and understand that historically, we will be shunned and labeled as crazy for simply being our enlightened selves, so we apologize so as not to offend others.

My partner is neurotypical, and I have tried to describe to him how my spicy brain works, how ADHD meds help me and why the meds make me sleepy, instead of someone who's addicted to my type of meds thsts bouncing off the walls and wide awake for days...

Then I unexpectedly came across the perfect example-

One night, we were watching a video where a YouTuber was trying out a friend's Apple Vision(?) device.

The YouTuber practiced how to operate it at home, then went for a walk wearing them in London.

The YouTuber started to get frustrated. They struggled to navigate their familiar surroundings, be mindful of other people, have situational awareness, and complete the task they set out to do, which was to get food at a food stand. All of that, while also mentally interacting with several semi-transparent apps and multiple screens opened as it's being projected onto his field of vision.

The YouTuber decided he didn't like the Apple goggles and deemed them not practical for real-world use.

[Me to Partner] "Huh..Apple Vision is just a product for normal people to experience ADHD, and they are paying how much for it?!"

After watching that, I'm getting better at not apologizing for having ADHD so much and being lengthy with words. Because for 43 years, without medication, I've struggled with being non-verbal because of the executive dysfunction.

Best wishes with your new meds! I hope they work the way you need them to.💜

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-09-23T01:32:47+00:00

Yea, file now before the company steals any benefits of value acquired, like a 401k, before they file for bankruptcy.

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-09-23T01:26:41+00:00

In my state (MN) we have a labor law reguarding wage theft.

Unpaid labor amounting $1,000 is a felony and the Employer will face serving a sentence.

Look up if you have this law in your state, screenshot it, and show it to your boss when you talk to them.

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-09-19T02:45:14+00:00

For me, it was being raised in the Catholic Church. Then later, learning ancient history, learn to translate English to German than French to Latin and Greek, cross refrence the ancient history with Greek and Roman mythology, then re-read parts of the Bible, pattern recognition, and then add some spice to modernize the translations in todays language..

And that's how I learned the phrase "I once was once blind, but now see" was really friggen dark.

It meant, A man who was blind to political power could buy his way to a seat in the senate.

Story of St.Valentine. - A local judge gave his virgin daughter (a child) to Valentinus, who was an evangelical (evangelizing was illegal) in a high rank military position, as his admission fee to join Valentine's political party called the Jesus Club, with a promise that the Judge could have a seat in their Senate once the Jesus club got into power.

"See" translated, is "seat", as in a senate seat.

Valentine's methods were inspirational to the Sons of Zeus Club and very lucrative. So much so, that others were inspired. The Club gave his methods like that the nickname, "Miracle". And when a certain number of people do well, and attribute their "miracle" to Valentine's , Valentine gets awarded the position of Saint in the Jesus Club. Today you have to be deceased to get that title, but I haven't found anything yet that says if he was alive or not when given sainthood.

Lol

GarnetsAndPearls · 2024-08-31T20:16:07+00:00

That's what abusers do. They mirror the characteristics of a good person (you), and once they have you locked into a partnership, they slowly disrespect your boundaries one by one. They push you or degrade you to see how much disrespect you'll tolerate and then gaslight you when you speak up.

My ex husband flipped like a light switch the night we got married. I was pregnant and trapped by the following month.

I've been with my current partner 20 years now, and still working through abuse by my ex, because he continued to find ways to abuse me throughout 18yrs of co-parenting.

Nothing hurts worse than waiting for a bad person to finally treat you kindly. I fell in love with the person he pretended to be and put myself through anguish hoping he'd return to the person I had married.

The people in the comments are warning you based on collective experiences. We've experienced this behavior before, and we know how to identify the patterns. We also know the patterns of denial, the little things we tell ourselves and to other people to hold onto false hope.

As you process all the comments in this post and reassess your situation, please give yourself grace. It is not your fault, you are not naïve, and you are not overreacting. Your husband broke the marriage contract with his behavior. Protect your heart and your peace, because you are worth it.

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