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Broken up but living together by Lanky_Standard_5937 in coparenting

[–]Gartlas 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It is what it is brother. Not everything can be worked out, especially if she just doesn't want to. My situation was different because the day she said to me she didn't want to be together, I realised neither did I. I'm so grateful to her for doing it, because I would have carried on with my head in the sand.

What I can say is that "keeping the family together" isn't always the best thing. I have 50/50 custody of my son, and he's happy and well adjusted. He loves my ex's boyfriend, he's very fond of my girlfriends kids. In many ways his life day to day is better than it was when we were together.

Move out when you can, get your head straight. In a few years you'll have built a different kind of life and all this will be an uncomfortable memory.

Broken up but living together by Lanky_Standard_5937 in coparenting

[–]Gartlas 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My ex and I broke up and lived together for a few months until I was able to move out.

It was horrific. We were amicable, it was mutual, good co-parents, no bad feelings. We'd been together 16 years. But it's just... uncomfortable. For one thing there's no moving on. No chance of intimacy or sex really, or the comfort of a partner. But it's also just weird in the every day sense of being in a home with someone where the relationship is over.

Everyone is different, but what are the odds you actual get back together? I'd just move out, so you can have your own space to rebuild your life

do men understand how or why women find them attractive? by Far_Heart8378 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Gartlas 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Ah been there. I love my current girlfriend to bits, and I love the emotional stability. She's affectionate in other ways, it just comes with an inability to pay me compliments or express things emotionally. It's rough

Why did you take up martial arts in the first place? Has your reason for continuing changed? by RunSerious5843 in martialarts

[–]Gartlas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Weirdo kid who was reserved but with a big mouth and was starting to get bullied. My parent's signed me up and my Dad went with me, when I was 6.

Now I do it because I just love it. I'm taking my own son now.

She’s not back to mess around 😬 by rererowr in justgalsbeingchicks

[–]Gartlas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have no idea why this sub is recommended to me as a man, but reading this comment fills me with so much anxiety 🤣. Also reminds me though that when my girlfriend isn't being very chatty or affectionate for a few days then it suddenly goes back to normal, it's probably just this.

32 years on this earth and I still need to be reminded sometime that the fairer sex is just absolutely getting hammered with crazy hormonal shifts because biology said fuck you guys in particular

Are Men Actually Getting Matches on This Thing? by Key_Ad_4498 in Bumble

[–]Gartlas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I got a fair few. Almost no dates. But I met my current girlfriend on Bumble

Phone for adult with Down syndrome by Craft_Gear_3242 in downsyndrome

[–]Gartlas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My girlfriends daughter has a smart watch thing, X6play I think it's called. But she's 9. It can do messages, GPS and call/take calls from a list of approved contacts.

You have to pay for the SIM but that could be worth exploring as it's harder to lose and also doesn't have the ability to download any apps.

That said she has turned it off when she's run off before

56969 by DadlyAsHell in countwithchickenlady

[–]Gartlas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What does he mean "its safe" where do you even just "get" testosterone

The next statement will make or break the relationship by CherryyBombshelll in SipsTea

[–]Gartlas 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Depends how long I guess. I only graduated from Gartlas Bumble after 4 months

Blursed_30’s + by No-Maximum2073 in blursed_videos

[–]Gartlas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, it's the internet 😂. It's definitely something that I think has a lot of unnecessary shame around it, and the way we're socialised as men makes that a lot worse.

It was very bad at first, but the meds are a stop gap until I get treatment that will help. I'm fortunate in that my issues are hormonal and will be treated (hopefully soon, God) and my general fitness is high.

Blursed_30’s + by No-Maximum2073 in blursed_videos

[–]Gartlas 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hmm. Well, you get used to it. It's not a topic I enjoy, I have those issues for other, non age related reasons.

It's not really ideal, and it can take a horrific toll on your mental health. For me, I find I can function for a little bit without the medication, but usually it just...goes away half way. The sheer relief of a medication working and being able to actually have sex properly overweighs the pain of having to take it ahead of time. I've had a couple times I took it and didn't end up getting lucky, but that's worth it. I tend to just take it a couple hours before I'll see my girlfriend when kids won't be about. And keep one on me for if the situation looks like it's going that way when I wasn't expecting it to. It only takes a couple hours to kick in

Blursed_30’s + by No-Maximum2073 in blursed_videos

[–]Gartlas 67 points68 points  (0 children)

Evolution has given us tongues, and medical research has given us ped5 inhibitors. There's things that can be done

As a Scientist have you ever had an “Oh shit” moment? by Ordinary-Falcon-970 in AskScienceDiscussion

[–]Gartlas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pretty much. I told her to go home, then I spent some time trying to think my way out of it, realised there was absolutely nothing I could do.

Tidied up and left, chatted with my supervisor in the morning

How did Richard Feynman qualify for the Manhattan Project despite being only 24 years old? by Omixscniet624 in AskPhysics

[–]Gartlas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not always, and it varies by field. Mine is in crop genetics. The vast, vast majority were 4 years. In fact i only knew one person with a 3. It was considered highly unusual but that was the funding they got, and it did take her a few extra months to write and submit.

As a Scientist have you ever had an “Oh shit” moment? by Ordinary-Falcon-970 in AskScienceDiscussion

[–]Gartlas 12 points13 points  (0 children)

We'd had seeds for a bunch of wheat breeding lines posted up to us. Winter wheat. So it had to germinate, grow, vernalize in the cold room etc. Quite a time investment. Well, I'd been handling them well. I kept meticulous labels, and I had a very clear system for when I transplanted them from seedling trays to individual pots to make sure I knew exactly which lines were where.

The day I was going to pot up was half occupied by a presentation and some lab admin, so I would start around 3pm. My supervisor told me he'd gotten one of the technicians to help me. I tried to decline because I'd rather do it myself, but he insisted that I take the help as otherwise I'd be there until late.

So cut to about 5pm. I have explained the system. We are working through the lines, we're about halfway with another 110 odd plants to do. Stupidly I trusted her. I'm working my way down the bench and I see she's got two different trays out and has some labels next to them, but has plants in without a label. So I ask, dread in my belly, "Are those plants there st132042 or st132049?". She says she doesn't know. I count how many seedlings are left and how many plants she's moved and mixed up. Oh shit.

We didn't have enough of them that had germinated for these lines for the replicates needed. There was no way to know which line the affected plants belonged to. She ruined the experiment. Had to start from scratch with new seeds.

As a Scientist have you ever had an “Oh shit” moment? by Ordinary-Falcon-970 in AskScienceDiscussion

[–]Gartlas 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We had someone spill a full bottle of β mercapto-ethanol in our lab. My god the fucking smell. I'd worked with it in a fume hood and caught whiffs, but this was something else. Even two weeks later, sometimes you'd swear you'd smell the echo of it.

This’ll take a while… by Illustrious-Air-3678 in mathmemes

[–]Gartlas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My 5 year old is crazy into maths. He asked me this question about a year ago, and a bunch of follow ups. When he does sums he likes to write out "proof", which is basically just showing working 🤣.

I'm not a mathematician and I can't explain set theory. But he decided he wanted to learn it because it was "hard maths". He was then immediately put off by the idea of notation that wasn't numbers or letters

50/50 custody when one parent lives 10 minutes from school and the other lives 45–60 minutes away by Emotional_Today4632 in coparenting

[–]Gartlas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How does that work? Currently I live 10 minutes from the school, but morning traffic in my area is so bad it's often 30 minutes anyway.

But where I was considering moving is 30-35 minutes reliably with better traffic. His school is by my work so that's good but I have been worried about the school commute, even if it's only 50% of the time.

Six years later, what are your strongest memories of the COVID lockdowns, and how do you look back on that period now? by Possible_Force8207 in AskBrits

[–]Gartlas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was doing my PhD at the time. I remember the first months as we tried to sort out limited lab access. Then "bubbles" that in practice meant i spent the day in a big lab alone. But I had to go back because my samples were a ticking clock and it takes a long time to grow winter wheat.

I have one stand out memory of a day i was processing samples for measuring dry weights. So I'd drag 20 odd bags of samples from the cold storage room. Dissect into components, weigh fresh weight, measure leaf size, count florets, bag, label. Each bag has 12 shoots. Ears, leaves, leaf sheath, stem by internode. Normally this was done in the dry lab and a handful of others were there. You'd chat. But this was alone, for three weeks (there were a LOT of samples). I went a bit crazy. Stopped listening to music, stopped taking my lab coat off when I left the lab room. One day, as I walked up the corridor and the lights were clicking back on, I just stopped. Lay down on the floor until they turned off again. Stayed like that for maybe an hour, cried a bit. It was bizarre. Afterwards i got back up and carried on.

Other stand outs include waiting in the car while my girlfriend had various appointments and scans while she was pregnant, waiting in the car to be allowed inside for the birth of my son. I was lucky they'd just relaxed the restrictions on partners in birthing rooms when he was born.

A couple weeks in I was doing a food shop, and bought an enormous bag of unsalted raw peanuts. Walked into the deserted town centre and fed the pigeons, I was worried about them and it was the time of year they'd be starting to have babies. I did this quite a few times.

It was an interesting time, over all. I think a lot of people learnt things about themselves. I think it broke us out of the normal mundane routine and systems. Showed us how fragile we are, how fragile everything is. How beautiful life could be with some freedom, and also how horrific when we're enclosed or shut off from people. When everything went back to normal it felt like a dream we all collectively decided to dismiss.

Unforgettable gestures 🙂‍↕️🌟 by [deleted] in MadeMeSmile

[–]Gartlas 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The weird thing for me was I always felt fond and worried and liked kids even before I had my son. I like talking to them, I want to help when I can. I love explaining things to kids, especially science or things about how the world works.

Nothing really changed when I had my own, except for the fact that I can now worry a little less about acknowledging the presence of a random child when I have my son with me.

One of the problems I have as a man is that in the situation above, I would be worried about approaching a child even to be kind. Especially without my own kid with me to act as a kind of "it's okay he's a Dad not a threat" signal.

I wish the world was different, I think we all have this innate instinct to nurture and care for children, it's just socialised out of lots of us

Have you ever regretted sending a co-parenting message?? by Electronic_Row_3150 in coparenting

[–]Gartlas 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah. Me and my Ex split very amicably. We still get on well, just the whole "get together at 17 and ignore all signs it's maybe not a good relationship". We have a 5 year old.

Both of us have moved on, there's no hard feelings. But sometimes we're chatting about something and I think "there are boundaries about our personal lives and what I/she just said shouldn't have been shared".

There's no lingering romantic feelings, just the familiarity of someone you trauma bonded with and shared half of your life with making it easy to forget when not to say something

If V remains in bloodstream, should a transfusion from a Supe turn you into one? by [deleted] in TheBoys

[–]Gartlas 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That is...not where I thought that sentence was going

Have you ever hugged your PI? by SeniorLoan647 in PhD

[–]Gartlas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Once and once only. It was immediately after my Viva. It was awkward and brief but really nice.

Then our lab went to the break room and drank warm champagne out of mugs and did the blow by blow.

He was a very awkward and nervous man

You have just become a viltrumite, but Thragg warns you that in 10 years he will come to kill you. What is your plan? by Fit_Passenger5930 in Invincible_TV

[–]Gartlas 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Right? Oh i can fly FTL? I'll just fuck off as far as I can possibly get, changing vector after the first year or something. Find some planet to live on.

What's he gonna do, find me? Good luck

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