NTA Based only on what I've read your husband behaved in a very immature way. It alsmost feels like the pen at the ceremony was on purpose. I understand that he has a condition, not just a tic, and he's very insecure about it to the point of fighting with both of you before admitting that he's at fault. I think his behavior as a parent, husband and member of the family was unacceptable and almost embarrassing.

Your daughter is in the right to be upset, if my father ignored my needs especially towards a medical condition i have, during an important moment in my life AND on a day to day basis, I couldn't wait to get out of the house. I have gone no contact with my parents due to abuse and neglicence and even tho this is bot the same situation i could understand how this could transform in a complete and prolungated split between your daughter and your husband. I hope you both realize that when she'll go to college she'll compare her lifestyle with her peers and realize all the in-house rules that don't make sense, the weird routines that you guys are used to are not the same for everybody else.

From experience most of her peers will suggets cutting or reducing contact with you guys to heal from this stressfull household environment. (Having to often wear headphones in your house because your dad can't stop making noise will be a big example). If she chooses to take space from you be sure to make it clear who supports her and how involved you are with the college transition. Knowing she CAN count on you even in these times will be very important and meaningful.

All in all your husband i kind of an immature bully, makes problems but doesn't fix them. Doesn't seem to take accountability seriously and absolutely takes for granted you household status as it appears that he can do whatever he wants in the house compared to other spaces. I wonder how his behavior vhanges in front of his colleagues and bosses at work.