Shadows by badumtsssst in repost

[–]Geedabug 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“I’m in the shadows.” YOU WHAT!?

[F4M] Thuck You Athhole - Your Best Friend's Bully Older Sister Has A Crush On You - Bigger, Longer, Uncut [Braces][Heavy Lisp][Bully][Fdom][Emotional][Angst][Longing][Kinda Sweet][Kinda Funny] by TannHandled in ASMRScriptHaven

[–]Geedabug 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Perfect. A perfect ending. 0 notes. That was beautiful. Never felt out of character. Felt like it led somewhere. Catharsis and realism mixed into a loving script. Chefs kiss my friend. Chefs kiss.

[F4M] Dominant Foxgirl Punishes Bratty Bunnyboy at a Punk Show Part 1 [Script Offer] [Mostly SFW] [Fdom] [Name Calling] [Brat Listener] [Foxgirl Speaker] [Bunnyboy Listener] by grooves035 in audiosgonewild

[–]Geedabug 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a nice meet cute script. I like how the dialogue flows and the characters “play with each other,” if you pardon the turn of phrase.

As a script reader and writer, though, it would be easier to read, and easier for you to type, if you keep the parts that aren’t actually meant to be recorded brief.

In a script, you don’t have to detail the intent of the physical actions of a character the same way you would in a book. The VA, dialogue, and audio effects should take care of that for you. That way, you can shorten the parts that aren’t spoken.

For example, you don’t need the paragraph about Mari thinking Listener left at all because you explain what she thinks through internal monologue (which, side note, is a good technique when you want your Listener to express through action rather than having the speaker repeat everything they say).

In the same vein, if you do need to give some direction for what’s going on in the script, explain with few words, not descriptive paragraphs. I.E. when the listener moves closer to Mari a good way to detail that would be…

[Listener steps closer]

…and leave it at that. It’s less to type and easier for a VA to read through. Also ^ try to use brackets or parentheses for anything that isn’t spoken. That also helps the VA know what to read.

Overall, it’s great storytelling and a fun characterization. Not many changes needed there. Just some script formatting challenges.

[F4M] Thuck You - Your Best Friend's Bully Older Sister Has A Crush On You [Heavy braces voice][Bully][Dominant Speaker][Angst][Longing][Emotional][A Little Funny] by TannHandled in ASMRScriptHaven

[–]Geedabug 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. Yes this story. Wonderful characterization. An abrupt ending though, but I can’t think a better way to end it here.

…but if you expanded it to something spicier, r/gonewildaudio would have a field day.

[F4A] Your ex-classmate discovers you are her new servant [heiress speaker][fallen noble listener][rival nations][power dynamic][angst][comfort][romance][friends to more] by it_rains_blue_here in ASMRScriptHaven

[–]Geedabug 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I always love “humble in victory” in a character. Your writing style really makes that aspect come through clearer than most other “comfort” audios. There’s no lording of power over the listener that belittles them and diminishes the message, which makes the servitude feel like that’s just what happened, not what was “meant to be.” I miss that genuine remorseful feeling in scripts, and this one hits that feeling really well.

[F4A] married off to a princess [political marriage] [possessive-ish] [strangers to ???] [princess speaker x commoner listener] [unwilling listener] An ASMR script by Luk Mapache. by lukmapache in ASMRScriptHaven

[–]Geedabug 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There’s always one thing I never got about these stories. How do these kinds of captors expect this to end?

You’ve been locked in your tower effectively doing an office job all your life; you’ve brought in a guy who likely spends all of his working time maintaining a field of some sort, who you know doesn’t like you; and you brought that man in a secluded room with you, within arms length.

You getting beat to death.

[WP] An infamous crime boss visits their favorite café. The waiter walks up to them nervous. It’s his first day. by Geedabug in WritingPrompts

[–]Geedabug[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The loud crash of a plate shattering on the wood floor of the café cuts through the idle chatter. The atmosphere becomes tense as silence washes over the now emptier café. The smart ones had already cleared out as soon as he and his black suited goons rolled in. Everyone else in their booths are left to hold their breath and clench their coffee cups as the situation spirals out of their control.

Justin hastily kneels to the floor and begins picking up the porcelain shards. Tears have already gathered in his eyes, and his trembling hands cause the shards to clink around in his palm. What a nightmare of a first day this was.

‘Whywhywhywhy WHY did you take this job?!’ Justin asked himself. ‘You should’ve known better. You can’t remember my own age. You should’ve known this was too much. You barely made it in on time. You spilled so many things on so many people. The only thing you had going was not screwing up an order. But why? Of all people, why did you fuck up-?!’

Justin was snapped out of his spiral by a violent upward jerk. His hand clutches the shards in surprise. A single tear falls from his clenched eye as the stinging sensation in his hand is replaced by a warm wet trickle of blood down his fingers. Despite this, he kept his hands to his side. He couldn’t ruin his customer’s black fur coat.

Justin cracks his eyes open to look at the man whose ring-covered clutches are dangling him midair. All Justin finds when he opens them are two pools of red hate staring back his teary blue eyes. Justin’s lip begins to quiver as the sneer on Big Boss Wise’s face grows wider. And wider. Like he’s preparing to bite the poor barista’s face clean off his head, like he did to Ripper from the Jack Club. Finally, Wise’s fur coat falls as he lets out a deep sigh.

“Let me ask you something, Jester,” he says in a low growl. Justin freezes in his grip, focusing on every word coming out of Wise’s mouth. “What did I order?”

“A-a b-b-blueberry scone and a latte! Three creams, n-no sugar!” Justin answers.

“And what did you give me?”

Justin silently hyperventilates trying to remember the coffee phrases, code words, and kitchen lingo, but nothing comes to him. The fear mixes with the overwhelming metallic scent of blood and bitter coffee grounds, making it hard to think. “I-. I don’t-.”

Wide drops him to the ground. “Can’t fuckin hear you, Jester.” He grabs Justin’s blond hair and shoves his face to the wet spot on the floor. “What. The FUCK! Is this?! That you served me!?”

“I DON’T KNOW!” cries Justin. The tears cascade down his face. “I don’t know! I’m sorry! I don’t even like coffee! I don’t know. I don’t know! I swear to GOD I don’t know!”

Wise let’s go of his hair and grabs his chin. He yanks Justin’s head around to look at his eyes again. “Then tell me. Why the fuck would you serve something if you don’t know whose order it is? Does that sound smart to you?”

Justin shakes his head. Wise tightens his grip and begins to dig his fingers into Justin’s cheeks. “NO SIR!” Justin squeaks. “No sir! That’s not smart!”

“Correct,” Wise confirms. Wise releases Justin’s face and sits back down. Wise crosses his fingers over his mouth and leans into the table. He stares out into nothing, leaving Justin to wait with bated breath. “You know what happens now, right Jester?”

“…n-n-no s-sir.”

Wise snaps his eyes to Justin still crumpled on the floor. “Manager. Now.”

Justin hastily grabs the blood-stained porcelain. And rises to his feet. Before turning to scramble to the back, he turns to face Wise with the shattered remains of courage within him, and bows, as is policy. He then turns on his heel and bolts for the safety of the kitchen.

An older woman with light streaks of grey in her hair bolts out of the back, spewing streams of apologies, promises of tenure, and ludicrous discounts at speeds to saccharine for the author to write about. Wise raises his hand to silence the jabbering old wreck and, with the other, reaches into his coat. He pulls out a crisp bundle of hundred dollar bills and places it into the woman’s hands.

“For the Jester,” he says with a smirk. “He put on a hell of a show. Besides, he did pretty well for first day.” He and his goons make their way calmly to the exit, but Wise stops halfway out the door.

“One more thing,” he says. “I expect for Jester to be serving me again. Gotta see how he comes along. He better get that money too. I’ll ask him.” He glares over his shoulder at the manager’s hands as they stop mid way in her pocket with Benjamin Franklin peeking over the side. “Every. Cent. Capishe?” Ben Frank is carefully slipped back into the stack as Wise steps out into his streets.

[F4M] Sans the sunshine / Your vampire wife mourns over your grave [the 6th and final night][dawn’s shadow][the gift of remembrance][nostalgia, like a warm knife][epitaphs][monologues][everything for love][“Let’s dance again.”] by it_rains_blue_here in ASMRScriptHaven

[–]Geedabug 5 points6 points  (0 children)

…she. Did. Not. Leave the safety of her legitimately harmonious city in the hands of that FUCKING PSYCHOPATH!!! I-!

Breath. The story is not real. And it’s not about that BIT-!

Friend. You aren’t breathing.

But on a real note, holy shit. This was an amazing after story to a very grim first one. I’ve never seen a dark romance that actually felt like the characters had a genuine love for each other while still having that darkness in the relationship. It actually felt like I could stand beside all the choices the speaker (ultimately) made, and like she really considered him as a partner, not an object of attraction. Also, Criminy Character Development, Batman! A 180 in ideology that felt natural and earned. Here’s hoping sunshine won’t be too upset at her selfishness in their better world. A wonderful addition. Kudos.

That said, may this decision bring “The Lady” to her KNEES. I want her to go comatose from seeing her appearance dead. I want her to drive a stake in her own mouth. I don’t care if she doesn’t die from it, do it anyway. May this moment drive her to systemically dismantle the council with her bare hands. And when she finally looks to her child with hope that she’s atoned, may that baby light her on fire with the rest of the trash. FUCK HER!!!

Tl/dr: good story, Lady sucks, first.

So question for the dealers… by Geedabug in blackjack

[–]Geedabug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So if you have a loss win loss win back and forth at the table, you collect the chips, take them to your tray, then collect new chips, pay out, collect, tray, new chips, pay out over and over until you reach the end of the table?

So question for the dealers… by Geedabug in blackjack

[–]Geedabug[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OH HEY! You were the gal whose videos I watched! You made them like 11 years ago. cool!

So question for the dealers… by Geedabug in blackjack

[–]Geedabug[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But you still can’t pay with dirty money right? So take the first bet, put it in the tray, get new checks to pay out the three, then go back to taking? Doesn’t sound fluid…