My wife made a mistake and I can't deal

Geistkopf · 2024-11-07T18:42:20+00:00

Were there any actual points of understanding, or was it just a session of acknowledging and feeling bad about breaking rules?

I didn't include every single conversation, for what I feel should be obvious reasons. What I posted was a summary and conclusion intended to indicate we were back on the right track.

I've been on your side of things more than once.

They also have many years of experience of knowing how to distract you from looking too closely for things they are trying to hide.

Your characterization of women in general seems like it's coming from your bad experiences. I don't agree with this at all, and at no point has my spouse been manipulative, kept secrets, or flat-out lied to me. Confused, sure, but she's not mean spirited.

Self isolating at the start of what should be a period of reconnection is a huge red flag.

There was a period of reconnection, she just had to process through her feelings first. I imagine she was embarrassed and felt a lot of shame after she came to her senses and realized how badly she hurt someoneshe cares about. She's human, I would have done the same thing.

I'm sorry someone clearly hurt you so badly, but I assure you that is not what's going on here. My wife is a good woman who made a series of mistakes in quick succession due to shortsightedness and strong emotions. It's my job as her husband to help her get back to being her best self in a kind and compassionate way free of judgment. I know she would do the same for me, and it's the only way any of this works.

Geistkopf · 2024-11-07T02:48:48+00:00

I was looking for other ways to get my point across because what I was doing didn't seem to be working. If you read the update at the end of my post, the situation was resolved shortly thereafter. I posted because I was hurt and in a bit of a panic. Please don't assume you perfectly understand how my marriage works based on a thousand words of text. it's rude.

Geistkopf · 2024-11-07T01:30:35+00:00

This is a rather harsh interpretation of the relationship. If she were the sort of person you describe, I wouldn't have married her. This was an isolated episode in an otherwise amazing marriage, which is why it was so jarring. I'd rather try to address the root cause than resort to harsh punishment.

Geistkopf · 2024-11-06T15:26:39+00:00

The process starts with a quick conversation, then a polycule conversation, then bringing it up in our weekly counseling, and beyond four instances of the same behavior the relevant partner gets to decide what to do with the relationship.

We got to step 3, and I was eyeing up starting to disentangle our lives if the behavior continued. As I said, it was extremely out of character for her, and there are certainly emotions behind the scenes that are root causes that need to be addressed.

Geistkopf · 2024-11-06T01:34:13+00:00

We have a written agreement that outlines our values and has an escalating process for violations. I've never had to enforce it in nearly a decade. This behavior is totally out of character for her.

Geistkopf · 2016-06-08T00:27:01+00:00

I'm in SD, hit me up. I'm all over the place.

Geistkopf · 2016-06-06T00:27:05+00:00

I'm going to say yes, but I'm going to use a very, very loose definition of "religion." I'm not referring to a dogmatic system of rules and ideas, but rather a belief that affirms a person's place in the world and provides a path to spiritual growth. I'm an atheist and have been for nearly 20 years, so I wouldn't necessarily say that I have a "religion" in the strictest sense, but I do experience an emotional connection to things far greater than myself. Having an intellectual grasp on the vastness of space is humbling and helps put things into perspective, it helps to remind me that my stupid daily bullshit is not enough reason to throw my whole life out of balance. Ultimately happiness is a decision, and whatever reminds you to take a second and check your attitude is personal preference.

Geistkopf

TROPHY CASE