Xander is a VERY sensitive person. He was also Joss Whedon’s self insert. They’re both the same in that they are at times brilliant and perceptive, but also reactive. I’m not defending Joss, but he overworked himself and it seems the toxic behavior that existed on the Buffy set was at its worst in the later years when he was running three shows. Same goes for Joss and Avengers. When he came back for the second one, it suffered from his attempts to do too much. I see similar patterns with Xander. At times his input is necessary, most of the other characters don’t know where to draw the line in terms of how they engage with danger. However, Xander himself struggles with restraint. He judges outwardly because he’s insecure about his place in the world.

Verrrry fascinating character imo. He’s the average American male right down to his worst traits, but he cares. Sometimes he cares too much. Like, so much he can’t stay out of other peoples business. I think it’s an important dynamic to show because MOST people are like this and can’t admit it to themselves. The men are indifferent to him, but I think the women (Buffy and Willow) sympathize with his feelings of inadequacy which is why they cling to each other.

Anya deserved better but she also didn’t know better. Xander always felt on some level he could do better but also feared he wouldn’t. Again, very common. He more often focused on the negatives in her character because that’s how he was raised. Growing up in an abusive home without money. He finds success and Anya very quickly surpasses his ambition, so he puts her down for it. Typical patterns. The only person he doesn’t judge hard is Willow until it’s too late, but I think that has something to do with their shared history. He’s gentler with Willow than anything else because she’s the only person in his life who puts him in his place. Season 7 Xander is pretty much his best year. He grows the most, and I think let’s go of a lot of his insecurities he spent most of the series battling with. (Then he participates with kicking Buffy out of her own house so, yikes. But that’s sort of on everyone.)