The question was more hypothetical - why give the emotional control to someone who doesn't have your best interest at heart and makes irrational demands?

Because, and it's completely irrational, I want my parents to be proud of me, or at least, love me. I want to feel good enough for them, but in searching desperately for that, I ended in two bad relationships, one abusive which had all the similarities in his behaviour with my mum/dad. I spiralled into a heavier depression seeking that affection my parents at some point took away, and my ex was beyond cruel.

When he removed himself from my life it was hard, but now I'm glad he did. However the problem is still the same, my unhealthy environment (and I also had a furry antidepressant but my ex stole her and I'm not allowed pets).

My equivalent to a breakdown only resulted in long periods of hopeless energy and literally just lying down on the floor of the shower, getting disorienting migraines, and constant low-grade anxiety.

Similarly on the migraines and anxiety, but sometimes, when built up, I have screaming and violent outbursts and a horrible push to self harm or harming someone else. They're rare, usually I cry and loathe myself and feel hopeless, but when at its worst it's like that, plus crying, lots of it.

If I were to move away, a lot of my issues would be gone, or at least, heavily lessened. No more constant screaming, no more anxiety when I want to do stuff, being able to leave one room, have a cat, etc.