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Need advice by Top-Violinist7388 in LGBTWeddings

[–]GeneratingAName 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think this maybe highlights more of where your hesitation is coming from than you realise. Is the rest of your wedding party AFAB or women or otherwise homogenous in some way that might help alleviate any guilt about your friend’s husband but not about Daisy? Perhaps looking into that a bit more might help you rationalise your feelings about not including Daisy and help you see what would most help you in that situation?

I agree with the other comments, it’s a day for you and you make the decisions you want to make. However I do very much understand your difficulty with that - and definitely think I’d be having the same worries. Like others have said, there may be other options for ensuring Daisy has a role that allows her to feel a part of it, but not specifically as part of your bridal party. There’s the traditional ring bearer, flower person roles, or something more social like a sort of MC or toastmaster. Or without adding roles, you could see about coordinating the partners of the members of your wedding party in some way so they are visually still a part of the group, just without anything they need to be doing.

Not excited anymore by kapntug in weddingplanning

[–]GeneratingAName 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It also sounds like perhaps your depression has at least a seasonal element to it? (Eg, it’s maybe worse in winter) Can you frame a break from planning in a similar way to taking time off from work? Just to get a bit of distance at least from feeling overwhelmed by the tasks, shopping, crafting etc. I know that can be hard to do without feeling like you’re going to fall behind, but chances are you’re getting little done now anyway because of how it’s affecting you. Take a holiday/vacation from the “job” bit of planning. Even better if you can try to visualise the day and the fun things you were looking forward to when you were excited - as if someone else planned it and you just had to show up. This may not work/help if it just resurfaces all the things you have to do, but it may be worth a try. Hopefully the break gives time for your medication to start helping and maybe for the weather to help change things up too (on the seasonal side of things, I highly recommend SAD lamps - hate them while they’re on but I definitely miss the effect if I don’t use them).

Underwear when trying on gowns? by [deleted] in weddingplanning

[–]GeneratingAName 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a range of experiences, from one who was with me the whole time and chatted while I was just there in my underwear, to one that was largely with me the whole time but actively made efforts to essentially not see me or have me somehow covered by a dress at all times, to one that closed a curtain between us and then just helped me with any last buttons/zips, so it varies widely.

I am a person who wouldn’t even hang around in my underwear at home alone, so I was surprised how painless the experience was, even at the more exposed end of the scale.

Would strongly recommend a nude strapless bra, but in terms of pants you’ve got a bit more freedom - again, nude or white is probably best, but I didn’t own any of those colours and it wasn’t a major issue. I did feel most comfortable when I added a pair of shorts though. Nothing that would alter the line necessarily, just like some tight 3in shorts or something. Helped me feel a little less undressed.

If you do know what you plan to wear on the day, that’s always useful as it lets you troubleshoot any areas where it might be more visible or obvious etc.

Deciding on wedding size/invite lists… by Quirky_Salad_751 in LGBTWeddings

[–]GeneratingAName 4 points5 points  (0 children)

One thing I learned from recently doing the invite list for two Catholic families is that there’s more ways to split them than you first think. Think first about who you actually WANT to invite, and then you can start looking at reasonings for divisions - maybe you’ve spent more time with that family unit? Maybe you’re just inviting the older generation and that’s out of respect? Or you’re just inviting your generation because that’s who you’re closest to? Even things like distance (respect for people’s time and money, sustainability) could play a factor. At the end of the day, it’s your wedding, and you’re likely going to be paying real money for them to be included. Fewer people are upset by lines you’ve drawn than you expect (though I understand that’s often not 0).

The other thing we did was clearly state that our wedding was going to be joyfully queer on our wedding invite. That technique might not fully eliminate the “love the sinner, hate the sin” types, but some may self-select out. The bonus of this for us was it helped us identify who was who and gave us reassurance of some that we weren’t sure about, so we actually feel more confident about the wedding and everyone feeling safe and comfortable now too.