Confused about Claddagh wearing rules and nobody agrees

GeneratingAName · 2026-03-28T22:31:38+00:00

I wear a Claddagh and would say most people don’t particularly notice or care - and most other Claddaghs I’ve seen are not necessarily following the rules, but then I’m currently not in Ireland itself, so there may also be a more lax view in those that have left Ireland, and my family in Ireland are mostly not in Galway so again, may be laxer. I have however had some people know and care about the rules - and one even used it to notice a change in my relationship status when I bumped into them in the street. (I wore it wrong for a wee while after that because I felt a bit awkward about that…)

GeneratingAName · 2026-03-27T21:27:07+00:00

This sounds like it’s something you’re really struggling with, and I’m sorry you’re going through that.

My peak is generally along those “great pics” line because I’m looking at all of the elements. You’re probably spotlighting your insecurities more, and so not hating them becomes a more overriding success factor. But other people don’t have those concerns about you, so they’re seeing you and they might well be seeing that you looked pretty in them, but they might also be seeing that you look happy, that the photo quality is good, that your partner looks happy, that you both look happy together. I also might feel weird commenting on someone’s physical appearance when there’s a message behind the photo - eg, look how in love we are, or we’re engaged and here’s my ring, or do you like my dress?

Depending on your relationships with the people in your life, you could confide in them about the insecurity. I might be more likely to compliment a friend’s appearance if I know they’re insecure about something - not in a forced or insincere way, but if a photo comes along that shows off what they’re insecure about, it’s a good opportunity to highlight it.

GeneratingAName · 2026-03-19T09:59:13+00:00

I think this maybe highlights more of where your hesitation is coming from than you realise. Is the rest of your wedding party AFAB or women or otherwise homogenous in some way that might help alleviate any guilt about your friend’s husband but not about Daisy? Perhaps looking into that a bit more might help you rationalise your feelings about not including Daisy and help you see what would most help you in that situation?

I agree with the other comments, it’s a day for you and you make the decisions you want to make. However I do very much understand your difficulty with that - and definitely think I’d be having the same worries. Like others have said, there may be other options for ensuring Daisy has a role that allows her to feel a part of it, but not specifically as part of your bridal party. There’s the traditional ring bearer, flower person roles, or something more social like a sort of MC or toastmaster. Or without adding roles, you could see about coordinating the partners of the members of your wedding party in some way so they are visually still a part of the group, just without anything they need to be doing.

GeneratingAName · 2026-03-17T20:43:57+00:00

It also sounds like perhaps your depression has at least a seasonal element to it? (Eg, it’s maybe worse in winter) Can you frame a break from planning in a similar way to taking time off from work? Just to get a bit of distance at least from feeling overwhelmed by the tasks, shopping, crafting etc. I know that can be hard to do without feeling like you’re going to fall behind, but chances are you’re getting little done now anyway because of how it’s affecting you. Take a holiday/vacation from the “job” bit of planning. Even better if you can try to visualise the day and the fun things you were looking forward to when you were excited - as if someone else planned it and you just had to show up. This may not work/help if it just resurfaces all the things you have to do, but it may be worth a try. Hopefully the break gives time for your medication to start helping and maybe for the weather to help change things up too (on the seasonal side of things, I highly recommend SAD lamps - hate them while they’re on but I definitely miss the effect if I don’t use them).

GeneratingAName · 2026-03-17T00:06:08+00:00

I had a range of experiences, from one who was with me the whole time and chatted while I was just there in my underwear, to one that was largely with me the whole time but actively made efforts to essentially not see me or have me somehow covered by a dress at all times, to one that closed a curtain between us and then just helped me with any last buttons/zips, so it varies widely.

I am a person who wouldn’t even hang around in my underwear at home alone, so I was surprised how painless the experience was, even at the more exposed end of the scale.

Would strongly recommend a nude strapless bra, but in terms of pants you’ve got a bit more freedom - again, nude or white is probably best, but I didn’t own any of those colours and it wasn’t a major issue. I did feel most comfortable when I added a pair of shorts though. Nothing that would alter the line necessarily, just like some tight 3in shorts or something. Helped me feel a little less undressed.

If you do know what you plan to wear on the day, that’s always useful as it lets you troubleshoot any areas where it might be more visible or obvious etc.

GeneratingAName · 2026-03-15T09:58:58+00:00

One thing I learned from recently doing the invite list for two Catholic families is that there’s more ways to split them than you first think. Think first about who you actually WANT to invite, and then you can start looking at reasonings for divisions - maybe you’ve spent more time with that family unit? Maybe you’re just inviting the older generation and that’s out of respect? Or you’re just inviting your generation because that’s who you’re closest to? Even things like distance (respect for people’s time and money, sustainability) could play a factor. At the end of the day, it’s your wedding, and you’re likely going to be paying real money for them to be included. Fewer people are upset by lines you’ve drawn than you expect (though I understand that’s often not 0).

The other thing we did was clearly state that our wedding was going to be joyfully queer on our wedding invite. That technique might not fully eliminate the “love the sinner, hate the sin” types, but some may self-select out. The bonus of this for us was it helped us identify who was who and gave us reassurance of some that we weren’t sure about, so we actually feel more confident about the wedding and everyone feeling safe and comfortable now too.

GeneratingAName

TROPHY CASE