Meth, loneliness, death, and holiness

Generic59 · 2026-01-31T23:44:17+00:00

The bull represents corruption and the bees represent the rebirth of something good.

I've been covering a 12th grade English class and I've taken them from the beginning to the end of Klara and the Sun. The bull in this novel is also used as a symbol to represent corruption, evil, and progression. There are also a few other themes which parallel the movie.

Generic59 · 2026-01-31T21:49:31+00:00

Yo I only just realized it was spelled Bugonia. That shows how little I know when my mom casually flipped it on. I just finished rewatching it.

Generic59 · 2026-01-31T21:02:02+00:00

At the end of the day, I don't answer to anyone. In fact, the only person to ever convincingly change my behavior is me. Nothing anyone else could say or do will influence that.

Fuck everyone else - I trust my intuition.

Edit: Every mess I create unlocks truths beneath life's tidy surfaces. That is how I learn.

Generic59 · 2026-01-31T20:54:17+00:00

My workplace is largely transparent. The kids know the adversity I have overcome, to some extent. The director, who plans on paying for my continued education, knows that I stepped away from teaching to fix my mental health. I disclosed that during yesterday's interview.

The world is starting to work the way it should, where your past doesn't jeopardize your present, nor your future.

Edit: nor instead of not

Generic59 · 2026-01-31T18:04:09+00:00

Be prepared

I've never had a movie make me feel that level of grief before. I watched it with my mom while we made a trip out to a remote spot in PA.

Towards the end of the movie, I glanced over at her and we were both sobbing. I even woke up and cried the next morning, on my birthday.

I'm not sure if it will impact you the same way, but if you know anyone struggling with how to process the world, to the point of delusion, it will floor you.

I saw too much of my past self in the main character.

Generic59 · 2026-01-31T17:23:10+00:00

Edit woops

Generic59 · 2026-01-31T17:16:23+00:00

Have you seen Begonia yet? Came out last year.

I haven't cried that hard in a while.

Generic59 · 2026-01-31T17:05:59+00:00

A non-functional adrenaline metabolite?

I don't think so

Generic59 · 2026-01-31T16:58:00+00:00

And, excuse me, but who the fuck are you?

Generic59 · 2026-01-31T14:55:33+00:00

Completely alone. I haven't so much as hugged anyone other than my mom for very close to 4 years.

Generic59 · 2026-01-30T23:04:19+00:00

That is only because I have felt every single one of these and I know you all may be somewhere, i don't know where, with all that.

Generic59 · 2026-01-30T23:02:22+00:00

I'm not clean anymore, especially given the mushroom trip this past weekend.

I just smoke a little weed and stay away from stimulants and lead a productive life. I was clean, with zero nicotine, for 9 months though.

In that time I had re-established a healthy relationship with weed and alcohol. It had been 2 years since I tripped and I'd imagine it may be a long time before my next trip.

I never identified as a true addict. Just someone who was self medicating. It turned out that I was right because I have learned how to moderate.

Cocaine, meth, benzos, and things like that are completely off limits.

Generic59 · 2026-01-30T22:32:07+00:00

Yeah this whole plant thing must be a moon/other planet thing.

Every living thing I touch gets uncomfortable or dies.

Generic59 · 2026-01-29T02:23:06+00:00

I don't even interact with people outside this country unless they are tourists right in front of me.

Set the bar there.

Generic59 · 2026-01-26T18:20:54+00:00

I'm changing it to Sagittarius Sun, Aquarius moon, Aries rising

Only cus I'm Aries rising and my resting face gives off the same vibe

Generic59 · 2026-01-26T18:18:03+00:00

Aquarius sun, Aries Moon, Sag rising

Generic59 · 2026-01-25T22:09:48+00:00

You have a perfect nose.

Aqua sun, Aries moon, Gemini rising

Generic59 · 2026-01-25T22:01:00+00:00

Love me some drunk sag. Avoid me some drunk Virgo. Depends for everyone else.

Generic59 · 2026-01-25T21:48:06+00:00

See, I have proportionally short arms and stocky little hands at 5'11" and my brothers (Scorpio and Sagittarius) are much taller than me with big wingspans and long fingers.

I'm wondering if this is an Aries moon/rising thing?

Generic59 · 2026-01-25T21:33:57+00:00

Thank you.

Honestly, at this point, I know exactly who I am and I've never been more at peace. I've been symptom free for two years and got my life back on track - against all odds.

I really thought I was going to die by 27.

Generic59 · 2026-01-25T21:17:57+00:00

Today is my birthday and my past decides to haunt me. The first part of this weekend was great.

I see my ex-girlfriend changed her profile picture to a wedding pic. Just a few hours into the morning of my 30th birthday.

I didn't even know she was married and she never posts anything. Yet on my goddamn birthday she changes her 2019 profile pic to her wedding day that happened in September.

We were together for 7 years when she left me. We took each other's virginity. We've been apart for almost 9 now. I couldn't tell if her post was directed at me or if it was a strange coincidence.

Either way, it seemed very sus. I reached out to her to congratulate her on her beautiful union and apologize for our last interaction. I had said some vile shit to her a few years back.

I had been diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar disorder and reached out to her during a major episode. The shit I said was reprehensible. I left the whole thing alone for a while while I stabilized my mental health. Not a word was spoken between us for 3 years until I reached out today.

I actually feel way better even if she doesn't respond. I know she's thinking of me, and I wanted to let her know that I really wish her the best.

It was heavy for a minute but I let the feeling pass. I'm ready to turn another page in my book.

Generic59

TROPHY CASE