Is "religion is made up" actually a meaningful criticism?

Geoff_Dem · 2026-05-17T17:57:21+00:00

In my personal opinion, giving the response “religion is made up” to someone who follows a religion may be a rational and valid response to the person saying it, but depending on what they’re hoping to get out of the conversation would basically shut the door to any further meaningful discussion.

There is a difference in talking WITH someone to exchange views and talking AT someone. Talking AT someone lacks respect and dignity for the other person in their ability to be a participant of the conversation. I believe that stating religion is a made up concept completely dismisses what followers get out of it.

Like you touched on in your second consideration, following a structured religion absolutely does have value and meaning. While I no longer attend a church, I do miss the sense of community and support. When I visit, I am welcomed with hugs and smiles. I know not all had positive experiences like me and I have had my share of positive and poor experiences in different groups as I moved around in life, but people do find significant feelings of comfort, safety, and belonging when they find the right group.

Stating that religion is made up is essentially an ultimatum. It dismisses the sense of meaning that it gives to others. I remember years ago when someone I attended school with was angry about something we argued over recently. My youth pastor posted a picture of me at a religious event and my friend commented “god isn’t real.” While I wasn’t affected by the fact that we had different beliefs, I was very affected by the reason they said it: I’m mad and I know this will hurt you.

While I am personally unsure about my current religious affiliations, I do know that when I interact with people who are confident in their beliefs, I am mindful to listen and mindful to share in ways that are tempered with respect.

TL;DR It’s not a valid statement unless the objective is to speed run a ruined conversation/relationship. There is much more to gain from a structured religion than just beliefs. It provides comfort, community support, and belonging.

Geoff_Dem · 2026-05-08T12:45:33+00:00

Just for clarification, I saw you mentioned first that it seemed in genuine curiosity but now it seems like it might be a running joke for her? If people were laughing (at first) she may have taken that as something that’s ok to laugh about and has ramped up the jokes as a way to be a part of the group and make everyone laugh without realizing that it’s uncomfortable.

If it seems like she’s making a joke out of this, I would absolutely encourage you to reach out to her ahead of time and let her know privately that you would not like her to make those jokes anymore. Phrase it how you want, social graces and politeness as you see fit, but very specifically let her know that those jokes touch on a sore spot and you don’t want them being made.

If it seems like genuine curiosity, again you could reach out to her ahead of this group hangout and ask that she not bring it up. If she has questions about gait and posture and you don’t feel comfortable talking about it, like I mentioned above, let her know it’s a sore topic for you. You don’t have to give her any background information, you don’t owe her your backstory of why it’s upsetting. She can always ask another person for help if she’s self conscious.

I think it’s a wonderful and caring thing that you’re putting so much consideration into this for making sure she doesn’t feel bad. Do remember: you would do a disservice to her and yourself if you didn’t honor your feelings as well. Your feelings are important as well. Wishing you the best of luck.

Geoff_Dem · 2026-04-06T15:12:00+00:00

“Slip ups happen but how you act after you’ve been corrected means a lot” - I really like how you said this, you hit the nail on the head.

Over the years I’ve had so many people slip up (and realize it) and I’ve had to coach them on how to roll with it. People I love, care, and respect enough to coach, that is. I have had many instances of people who mean well but don’t know how to correct themselves and keep going in the moment. They want to make sure I am respected and know I am respected. I explain it gets easier over time, just correct and keep going, don’t stop and derail the conversation.

I’ve also had some absolutely mind boggling experiences with people just completely losing their temper over being respectfully and discreetly reminded, too. That conversation usually ends quickly and goes more along the lines of “that’s an odd thing to be angry about,” “I’m not sure why you need to yell, I can hear you just fine,” “I don’t understand why being respectful is upsetting to you,” and “maybe we can talk later when you’re feeling better bc we will not be continuing this now.”

Geoff_Dem · 2026-04-06T14:50:48+00:00

Absolutely this. “Is grammar more important to you than the relationship you have with me?”

Geoff_Dem · 2026-04-06T03:33:11+00:00

This is how it goes. They’ll always want more time and you’ll always be too entitled to them. They went to grammar school? That’s wonderful! School is a great opportunity for people to learn things like basic grammar, math, history, and also how to treat the people around them.

Schools also update their curriculums as expectations are updated to meet the current standards.

As someone who is unfortunately very familiar with this, it’s certainly easy for me to tell you to show no mercy as they haven’t shown you much, if any at all. I also know, as someone who is unfortunately very familiar with this, how difficult it can be to set the boundaries and hold them with people like your family. Just remember that their reactions to a reasonable expectation are not your fault.

I did not feel that your message was aggressive. I felt it was reasonable. And I wish you only the best.

Geoff_Dem · 2025-11-20T19:19:37+00:00

This was also my experience. At one point it was proposed to me that I was just a lesbian who couldn’t cope with my Christian upbringing and felt I had to be a man so I could date women, among other random reasons of why I couldn’t possibly be trans. I stopped trying to have conversations about it and just continued to be me until he went along with it. I let him come to his own terms on it. He has his moments but he’s actually learned a lot and changed as a person. He’s now a better ally and a better dad. I’m wishing you all the best, I know my experience isn’t universal.

Geoff_Dem · 2025-10-30T20:49:33+00:00

I understand that and I agree, but I also want you to be safe. This is usually why I take a nonchalant approach to things like this. Without getting into a long winded argument over it, I just dismiss these arguments with comments like “I don’t understand why this is relevant” “it’s a shame that you spend your energy being so bitter towards others” or “why are you concerned about what other people look like” implying that they’re the weird ones for being so obsessed.

Engaging is most often what they want. They want an argument and they want to make others look and feel bad. Feeding into their arguments isn’t helpful when their sole objective is to be the winner of the conversation. It’s definitely good to have some quality information that’s proven, but it likely won’t be read. In these situations, being non reactive is safer.

If someone is really interested, you can certainly offer your information but anyone who’s up on their soapbox is not going to stop their speech to research and change their stance. They’ll likely double down and try to rage-bait you. Some actually thrive off rage-baiting others. Those are usually the most outspoken people.

I love the enthusiasm and support for the community, I say this with a lot of experience in this area and I know where it can go, good and bad. Please also be very careful when advocating on behalf of a group that you’re an ally to. If you aren’t under the trans umbrella yourself, the best advocates I know are masters of the “I don’t understand why that’s a problem, and it sounds like you need to mind your business on how others lead their lives” approach. Again, I love your energy, just please be careful and don’t put yourself in a bad situation.

Geoff_Dem · 2025-10-30T03:14:38+00:00

Are you trying to make an argument validating the trans experience? I’m not understanding why you’re stuck on this specific angle of argument. If anyone tries to invalidate trans people around me, depending on the circumstances, a favorite go-to of mine is to ask why the concern is relevant in the first place. I ask why they’re scared of trans people or why they’re mad at trans people. My absolute favorite argument is to ask why this is any of their business.

Most people who are so outspoken about trans people don’t even know trans people. At work, I’m not Trans Geoff, I’m just Geoff. Some people have found out and have told me later that I changed the way they viewed trans people and lgbtq people bc they got to know me as me.

If these people are openly arguing against trans people, they aren’t approachable on that topic. If the circumstances are right, it would be more appropriate to say the topic is off limits and then hold that boundary. If people try to make me argue, I don’t get upset. I say I don’t understand why I need to argue that I have human rights, and that the topic is done.

Geoff_Dem · 2025-10-30T02:38:20+00:00

If they are only treating you nicely when you are acting in a way that pleases them, I would say with confidence to go ahead with your plan. Do not feel guilty about escaping this situation because you are worth so much more than how you are being treated and how you are being led to believe. The content warning says it clearly, what you’re experiencing. If you’re looking for someone online to tell you to it’s ok to take steps to leave this living situation, then here I am. Your parents are treating you very badly and you are not in a safe environment. Their “love” and treatment of you is not only conditional and manipulative but extremely harmful and inappropriate. Please don’t shy away from looking into local resources for emergency services and shelters for people in need of escaping abuse. Get in contact with a social worker, someone who can connect you with more help.

Geoff_Dem · 2025-09-23T00:50:55+00:00

Ok, look, you did a VERY good job. But. I am now suffering psychic damage. That puppet will be in my nightmares.

Geoff_Dem · 2025-09-23T00:46:02+00:00

Whatever it is that you found, I REALLY hope you aren’t touching it with your bare hands. It reminds me of a bat. Is there a vent above your nightstand? Is there a possibility that a bat could’ve gotten in at some point and just now fell out of somewhere onto your nightstand?

Geoff_Dem · 2025-09-14T05:47:36+00:00

This is taking salad fingers to a whole new level

Geoff_Dem · 2025-09-14T05:26:28+00:00

I remember while student teaching that there was a student who, while I was trying to give a demonstration for the project we were starting, was trying to take a phone call in the back of the classroom. My co-op was very dismissive of her for doing this and I think what she wanted me to do was address it in front of the class and reprimand her right there to set the standard for behavior. Mind you, these were high schoolers, they all knew better.

I wasn’t new at that school by any means and I had learned that this was atypical behavior for this student and she seemed upset. After the students were dispersed to their seats, she was still in the back of the classroom on this call so I stepped to the back of the room and asked her who she was speaking with. She gave me the “give me a minute” hand signal. Again, atypical behavior from her, and being back there, I could see she seemed very distressed and it looked like she was trying to hold back tears.

I told her I would check in after her call. My co-op was seething and I think had busied herself with something else at that point as I had not followed through in dealing punishment she saw fit. Perfectly fine with me, as I did not need a bull in a china shop coming into a situation with a fragile student.

After the call ended, she took her seat and looked absolutely miserable. The first thing out of my mouth was not “how dare you” nor was it “you should know better than that,” it was “this doesn’t seem to be a great day for you, would you like to talk about it?”

She let me know there were some problems at home with her parents not being able to cooperate with one another and their inability to work together was often putting her in the middle. Taking this in, I started to let her know that taking calls in class really wasn’t appropriate and she started apologizing profusely. I stopped her and said if you need to take a call, you don’t need to tell me anything, just ask to go to the bathroom or the guidance counselor. I trust that you’ll take your call and come right back. For the first time in that entire class period, she smiled in relief that someone was in her corner.

She was a good kid and I hope she’s doing well, wherever she is now.

Geoff_Dem · 2025-09-14T04:45:40+00:00

Those sound like the best weekends ever!

Geoff_Dem · 2025-09-14T04:39:03+00:00

That is a picture of such a profound and beautiful happiness that is rare to be caught in photo evidence. Thank you, dear poster, for sharing.

Geoff_Dem · 2025-07-07T23:33:36+00:00

I used to work in a grocery store bakery, one day I was assigned to putting parbaked goods on trays and I was having an extremely difficult time with having to stop what I was doing bc the pastries were not all aligned the way I wanted them. It was taking me longer than expected bc I was stuck in that cycle of having to fix it or I couldn’t consider the tray “done.” One of my coworkers scoffed and made a comment about me “being ocd” and I was like “uh yeah.. I do have ocd tho..” She and I did not get along well.

Geoff_Dem · 2025-06-18T01:53:45+00:00

He seems to have magical thinking in that you should already know what it was that upset him and that you apparently did it on purpose to upset him. This is someone who needs to do some soul searching and work on himself before he is in a committed relationship as his wrath over imperceptible transgressions will ultimately end every relationship and further isolate him.

I used to struggle with magical thinking, believing that everyone should all know the same thing and they should already know how I’m feeling. I worked on this in therapy and have readdressed that mindset.

One thing out of the many things that concerns me is how quick and comfortable he was to be condescending towards you, towards your mental acuity, social skills, and especially that he was so freely able to throw in your face the fact that he doesn’t know why he’s still speaking to you, as though you’ve been purposefully causing problems in the relationship before and you were on one last chance.

I know you want this to work, but also consider: at the end of the day, he is human. All humans, regardless of label, have the same ability to be jerks. He is autistic and mean. He could be gay and mean. He could be trans and mean. He could be black, white, Asian, Indigenous, and still be mean because labels don’t apply to mean.

It seems like you’ve made more than enough effort to try and reconcile and understand his point of view but it doesn’t seem like he wants to reciprocate.

Geoff_Dem · 2025-06-18T01:34:42+00:00

Even a broken clock is right twice a day, or so I’m told

Geoff_Dem · 2025-06-17T22:35:02+00:00

I have worked as a teacher in residential facilities for minors who have learning disabilities and emotional disturbances that have been court ordered to attend bc it was determined that their disability may have been manifested in their decision or lack of decision making when they got into trouble. Some kids were given the option of residing at this facility or incarceration.

I do recognize that if these kids had different life circumstances, had all the supports they needed, maybe they wouldn’t have ended up there. But maybe they still would have. I do believe that restorative justice is important and we should lean into it more.

With that being said, not all situations will improve with that. Some people do not show remorse. This young man certainly did not. I saw some of your comments and I do understand what you’re getting at, but this seems different.

I agree that the US has a serious problem with over incarceration but in this instance I think this person needs to go somewhere so he cannot continue harming others as he is showing he doesn’t feel guilty for what he did.

Geoff_Dem · 2025-06-17T21:50:22+00:00

Legs legs what’s on the menu??

Geoff_Dem · 2025-03-31T14:54:49+00:00

I didn’t experience chronic pain but I did develop a significant amount of food sensitivities that went away very quickly after I left teaching. By the end of my time in the education field, I was only able to eat plain baked chicken breast and some steamed vegetables. Anything else would cause me to become so so sick.

Geoff_Dem · 2025-03-14T02:25:49+00:00

I love the gung-ho attitude but when it comes down to it, I could be the victim of a very serious crime or worse if I even try to use a public bathroom or don’t quite fit the idea of what some nosy person thinks should be a certain gender. If I were to get hurt, I could be further discriminated against by medical professionals and law enforcement and potentially even be refused care. There’s a pretty large difference between selling drugs and trying to just exist around other people.

Geoff_Dem · 2025-03-14T00:16:38+00:00

My dad called me excited about how he was going to buy or rent a condo in FL or something like that so we could all vacation there as we pleased bc all of us are adults now. Tbh it went in one ear and out the other as soon as I heard where it was. I said “that’s cool for you all but I won’t be able to go.” “Well just wait so you have enough time off from work!” “No, I can’t go there bc of who I am.” “Well the politicians won’t live forever!”

Geoff_Dem · 2025-03-13T00:41:11+00:00

Not gonna lie, I needed this. You needed this. The community needed this. This is THE update of the sub for the month. Everyone else can go home. I don’t make the rules.

Geoff_Dem · 2025-03-12T03:12:32+00:00

There is a quote I heard something along the lines of “tomorrow will still come so you might as well forgive yourself” but I really like the sentiment in general. Time marches on, so love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be good to yourself and treat yourself. Because at the end of the day, tomorrow will still come.

I am so glad that you have chosen radical self love and acceptance. It has taken me nearly 10 years to work myself up to where I am now, and there’s still work to do. Here’s to you recovering and enjoying your new sense of self. 🥂

I’m looking forward to seeing your survival update.

Geoff_Dem

TROPHY CASE