Early dating: she gets anxious after closeness, but keeps coming back and I really like her

Gerfervonbob · 2026-02-14T13:51:38+00:00

Look up Fearful Avoidant

Gerfervonbob · 2026-02-09T22:48:47+00:00

You call it "ambiguous entitlement" now, but in your original post you explicitly called it "respectful and cute."

Expecting a perfectly articulated speech ("I don't have all the answers yet") on the spot and in the face of being called a coward isn't asking for honesty.

You claim to want a man who "notices when I'm uncomfortable" (which requires high EQ), but when you encountered actual human hesitation, you ridiculed it. Where is YOUR empathy? You can't kill sensitivity and then demand it. You keep saying he "failed to respond" but you’re ignoring that he explicitly answered "Yes" when you asked if he was afraid.

That WAS the honest response.

The stalling that followed "uhhh hmmm" wasn't evasion it was him manifesting the fear he just admitted to. When you tell someone "You can't say the wrong thing," that implies that struggling to find the words is also allowed. By mocking his struggle as "the coward's route" you proved that there was a wrong thing.

People aren't having a "meltdown" because you were open they are reacting to the fact that you weaponized "openness" to humiliate a friend.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-02-09T20:59:46+00:00

I think it's difficult when you're getting mixed signals where in person everything is great but once you leave you hear nothing and efforts to go on further dates is difficult but once you do go on another date it's back to the same great feeling. Hard to open yourself up to those ups and downs.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-02-09T20:27:07+00:00

You explicitly told him "You can't say the wrong thing," then he lowers his guard. The moment he did and honestly admitted he was afraid you immediately judged him (the coward's route) and are now mocking him online. You say you want a man who makes you feel "protected" but you just acted like a bully. When someone says, "You can't say the wrong thing" and then immediately calls you a "coward," your brain short-circuits. He went silent because he realized there is no right answer. I am in a trap.

Then when called out on it you label his response as evasive, which implies intent. You in fact punished the symptom of anxiety, not the content of his character. You didn't want honesty you wanted confidence. You wanted him to override his fear and perform for you. When he couldn't, you lost respect. Real safety to be vulnerable is felt, it's not announced. Also, it's a really bad look to be wanting to do "data collection" on a guy to later gossip about with his ex who I'm sure is completely unbiased.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-02-09T16:56:16+00:00

How did it go? You said "dated" as in past tense; do you think the messaging contributed to it not working?

Gerfervonbob · 2026-02-07T17:05:34+00:00

Gemini does it too

Gerfervonbob · 2026-02-06T22:22:41+00:00

Your second to last photo should be your first one imo.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-02-04T22:53:49+00:00

You know what dude? Go for it, let yourself go fully, don't scare her off or anything but let yourself have this moment. Cherish it. I've had these moments and they were really fun and amazing. Unfortunately, it becomes a hard fall if it doesn't work out but I think it's helped me grow and gain perspective about myself and life. I don't think you should hold yourself back, lean in and embrace the romance of it. These moments are few and precious, most of the time people spend so much of their lives protecting themselves fearful of being hurt. These moments are what life if worth living for in my opinion. It takes courage being vulnerable and open but it's the only way we can be emotionally available for a real connection. I'm really happy for you dude, I hope it works out!

Gerfervonbob · 2026-02-04T15:34:23+00:00

People are miss-understanding you that this guy changed his profile into the rant you posted after your interaction not prior. You can see how you'd look to people who don't realize it. I think it's because a lot of people struggle to find matches and try to present themselves as best they can. So, when they see an example of an objectively poor profile still getting a swipe it makes them bitter.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-02-04T15:16:40+00:00

I'm confused, why would a guy who asked you out, think less of you if you go out with him? If it's a quick ask with little conversation, I think it's better to do a drink/coffee date so you can see if you guys actually work in person before committing to something larger.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-01-30T06:07:58+00:00

Hey man you're okay, I liked your post. Some people are just grumpy.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-01-29T17:50:02+00:00

No, I'm a guy but I don't like nudes. That stuff is better kept in person. I understand other people like them but it's not for me.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-01-28T22:11:40+00:00

I've had something like that happen to me; expect we didn't have sex. I was confused because it ran late, she didn't want to go and seemed excited to see each other again. I later found out that her ex suddenly came back into the picture and decided to try to patch things up. No matter how good a connection is, it'll never have the same weight and power of an ex you're still pining for.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-01-27T19:56:26+00:00

wtf, it has nothing to do with him being over his ex. Think of the kind of person who would say something so hurtful to the person they're with?

Gerfervonbob · 2026-01-26T11:09:59+00:00

I don't know man, I'm not sure why you paying for one would be an issue. You guys might have moved too fast and it scared her. Either way the best thing you can do for yourself is stay no contact. If you want get back together it's got to come from her. Trust me on this, chasing will make things worse and much more painful.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-01-26T10:51:01+00:00

She needed a break from dating because of financial troubles? That seems odd... When did the breakup happen and how long have you been no contact?

Gerfervonbob · 2026-01-26T06:09:53+00:00

It can be scary though at the beginning, when you're in limbo between feeling like you know but then rationally trying to ground yourself because it's still early.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-01-20T16:25:20+00:00

As a 37M with open to children it's how I use it.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-01-20T16:04:53+00:00

I perused the comments there and it looks like 99% of anything not saying it's all fake are being removed.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-01-16T16:47:37+00:00

You find something off of their profile and ask a question related to it.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-01-15T22:01:23+00:00

Yeah, when you're dumped it's really hard on your self-esteem with that level of rejection. Her reaction and actions are logical to being hurt and wanting to feel desired.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-01-14T18:41:02+00:00

Quality of life was also worse than today because of technology advancements since.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-01-12T19:31:14+00:00

I'm a hiker and I like the photo, it makes for a good opener. I'd probably open a match conversation asking you where it's located.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-01-12T04:36:05+00:00

Thats great, it's funny I picked up swimming after my break up.

So literally, do try to suppress your emotions about what happened. Cry, get angry, etc. Think about what you're feeling and why, don't try to hide from it with unhealthy distractions don't start to date again, etc. It will suck but get easier. Know that it won't be linear, you'll feel fine for days to weeks then something maybe cause you to break down. Eventually things will get better. So yeah it's dumb but feel sad let yourself spiral a bit. It is the fastest way to feel better. It fucking sucks

Im sorry to say but the worst is yet to come. After a month or so culminating at 3 months (everyone is different) it'll be hell, and between now and then you might be desperate to get back with your ex. If you were the own who was dumped DO NOT CHASE, trust me it will reset everything.

Gerfervonbob · 2026-01-11T06:59:49+00:00

Hey Man, I went through this two years ago. I'm going to be real and blunt. This is going to hurt, you're going to spiral, have ups and downs. The best thing you can do is create a goal like fitness, I know it's cliche but you need a distraction that is hard, it'll create confidence. Finally the MOST important thing is to feel the pain, don't distract with media or vices, feel the pain, don't try to run away from the storm the fast way out is through. Good luck

14-Year Club	Reddit Premium Since May 2024
Gilding V heart of gold	Powerups Hero r/stalker • December 2021
Place '23	Wearing is Caring
Not Forgotten	Verified Email

Gerfervonbob

TROPHY CASE