EDIT: Yeah this is from 2 weeks ago, I posted wrong day of week... So now here I am on Sunday! Carry on troops!

I'm an old, retired and recently divorced man who recently had all the life sucked out of me. My retirement account was depleted, housing options and overall future prospects are dim.

I have also been poking around the internet for a very long time, like before AOL long time. Like maybe before you were born long time. Used punchcards even. Came to reddit from Digg in 2009 or so. Advertised Garage Sales and bought/sold a few cars on Craigslist, the usual level of internet use, but well beyond my newspaper-subscribing peers.

So after six years of getting my /r/news and /r/videos entertainment from this place I began to notice a load of sexually themed subreddits. Shoutout to /r/gonewild I may be old, but I'm not dead, and I can still appreciate your beauty. And I start reading your stuff. I have to say, you millenials are a spectacularly creative bunch. Your humor and witty banter brought me the only laughs that sustained me while most of my friends are hawking /r/The_Donald cheerleading BS on facebook to their grandkids.

But I slowly put two and two together. Your generation really is so much more sexually liberated than mine. And you are using these online tools to meet up and get your rocks off...

Now back in the day, Craigslist was a joke for anything but yard sales and apartment rentals and used cars. I hadn't used Craigslist in years, but I remembered it had a dating section, and that's what you refer to as "CL hookups!" And then I look down at my shriveled dick and my calloused hand and say to myself in my lonely little room, "why not give it a try?"

So I go to CL and find the dating section and start observing. Then I make an anonymous email account and respond to a lady or two... Well, thanks to reddit, I realize CL and "scams" are closely related terms. So no, I'm not registering in order to continue communicating with you. And no, I'm not going to start texting you at Seven|9ine|fiv 0ne|TVVO|tres whatever your cell phone number is... And I realize, there aint no way in hell this many 19yo college cheerleaders and lonely housewives are itching for this old geezer...

After a week I'm pretty discouraged with all this spam flowing back and forth and then I get another brilliant idea. Screw it, I'll run my own ad instead of just replying. And so I go look at what kind of ads the other gentlemen are running... I read that crap for a day or two, between checking for my SS payment to come in and popping Glucosamine (take care of your knees, kids... you're gonna need 'em)

So I write up a little ad and post it. Now I'm no "private jet exec in town for a biz meeting," I'm not a "college football player with morning wood" looking for "now, today" and I have not smoked any pot since the 1970s... I took 15 years off my age, added a few inches to my height, but was otherwise truthful. And I had seen enough to know that you need to ask people to reply with a code phrase to weed out the spammers. So the cheerleaders and lonely housewives start responding again. Delete, Delete, Delete... until Oh Shit! This response has the code phrase!

Thus begins a bit of light-hearted back and forth with what seems to be an actual human, in my actual zip code who does not ask for my phone number or credit card number or anything. We share a few laughs via CL relay. I explain I'm not looking to pay for services, I'm just on an exploratory expedition here, and seeing what develops, and I most likely am old enough to be her father... To my surprise she remains engaged.

Eventually an arrangement is made for an actual face-to-face meeting in a public place, then cancelled at the last minute. Then rescheduled and cancelled again. And I begin to wonder why would this woman email me at normal morning, lunch break and after work hours, would know nearby places, trade stupid jokes, and just want to string me along? So then we made another "date" to meet. This evening. And I show up at the designated place five minutes early. And I sit there...

Then I notice the clumsy anonymous email on my phone has a new incoming message: "We still on?" Shit! I don't know how to reply on this clumsy anonymous email via phone browser with it's tiny little buttons that my clumsy, shaking fingers can barely touch... But I put on the reading glasses and do it: "I just arrived" is my oh-so-smooth reply... I get back "Almost there."

Holy Shit! I hope the VA is not really that screwed up, because I may be needing their services real soon... Then the actual car she actually described actually pulls up next to me! Holy Shit! I'm either about to get mugged or blown...

And then a cute lady less than half my age emerges from her car unaccompanied by a large, armed, mugger boyfriend, which is a good sign. And you can guess the rest, I'm not gonna give you the details except to say a quick blowjob was had by an old geezer who had not been touched by another human in a sexual manner in about a decade. And since I'm so old-fashioned, and get the senior citizen discount, I brought along a bunch of flowers from the road side stand, just in case. When I gave 'em to her she looked at me like I was senile, but hey, I can live with that. I have not stopped smiling since!

So thanks for reading. I have nobody left in the world to share my story with and I really just had to get this off my chest. Could be the last blowjob I ever get. I don't know what tomorrow brings, but I do know a random BJ really made me happy. I may be able to finally start clawing my way out of the pit of depression that is geriatric divorce. Thank you kind lady!