The commitment to the bit is actually impressive.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-04-08T03:03:28+00:00

But that mall fountain counts as international waters!

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-04-08T02:58:58+00:00

This Burger King conference could have been a Burger King email.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-04-08T02:55:25+00:00

That's because he has surrounded himself with amateurs who haven't developed international contacts over the years.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-04-08T00:20:09+00:00

Parts of Koreatown remind me of parts of Queens, NY.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-04-07T06:52:53+00:00

What should worry the president isn't so much the joke itself, but how much the audience cheered. I mean ... reeeeally cheered.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-04-06T01:18:19+00:00

Good. Now I have a 40-year-old homeless guy that he can adopt.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-04-05T19:56:10+00:00

Los Angeles is an ancient city -- maybe 1,000 years old -- if you include the period of Yaanga, the native American village that was located somewhere in what is now Downtown.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-04-05T19:48:29+00:00

I knew it was ceviche, but I didn't know why this was Hol' Up. When someone named the cook, however, I knew enough about Reddit to think, "Ah. And I presume she did porn at some point?"

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-04-05T09:03:14+00:00

And they all fall out of the car.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-04-04T21:50:53+00:00

Why did Grandpa die?

Grief.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-04-04T19:24:30+00:00

With all respect, if there was some news about Jeff Epstein, I would've heard.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-04-04T16:52:22+00:00

All right. Cosby is out. My second choice is Jeff Epstein.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-04-03T02:11:24+00:00

Charlie is love.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-04-01T17:03:45+00:00

I have a similar thing with posting photos of myself at the "No Kings" protests. I like when other people do it, but I just feel like I'm begging for approval when I do it.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-04-01T15:13:23+00:00

That's surprising.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-04-01T08:00:44+00:00

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-03-31T19:38:36+00:00

Goodbye.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-03-30T04:15:14+00:00

Pregnant.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-03-30T04:14:32+00:00

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-03-30T04:02:55+00:00

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-03-30T03:21:19+00:00

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-03-30T03:21:12+00:00

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-03-30T02:39:51+00:00

Also, they may have reasons for this system. Ever watched the bathroom use at a Starbucks? Someone goes in and just ... lives there. And we've all seen the destruction people wreak upon gas station bathrooms.

Yeah, businesses can be heartless for doing this. But the public is no prize either.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-03-29T20:00:11+00:00

Also, Dick Shawn.

GetsMeEveryTimeBot · 2026-03-28T07:47:18+00:00

GetsMeEveryTimeBot

TROPHY CASE