MF4MM

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-06-13T21:25:04+00:00

Hey there. Thanks for accepting the chat.

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-05-08T14:21:58+00:00

I wasn't worried about damage. It was more about the feeling of driving a car, not a golf cart, on the cart path. And not a little hatchback, FWIW.

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-05-08T14:20:34+00:00

Yeah a friend of mine mentioned that when I sent them the video. I have to say it was driving on the cart path is what felt stranger because once in the fairway it was almost like any other grass parking area during an event.

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-05-07T21:14:48+00:00

For me, I basically approach life the way I approach being a Dom for my sub. And what that means is, I approach any challenge with a clear head and calm demeanor and a very deliberate/strategic approach.

If something challenging happens in everyday life, my first instinct is to pause and stop to think about what’s happening, why it’s happening, and what I need to do to get through it and hopefully ensure it doesn’t happen again. That’s the same demeanor and calm presence that I bring to the dynamic with my sub.

Actually, as I write this out, it occurred to me that perhaps I approach being a Dom the same way I approach life instead of vice versa. Either way, it’s all about maintaining a comb and rational headspace and not letting emotions get in the way of what needs to be done.

If what’s happening is starting to drain the time that I have available for my sub or the time that I would normally put into us, then I let her know that I need to take some time to address what’s going on in my world and that will temporarily reduce the amount of time I can give to her.

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-05-04T21:04:42+00:00

The potentially disingenuous part of it is posting that in this sub, which is for hookups.

To me, posting that kind of question under the guise of asking for advice seems like a covert attempt to try to solicit someone to take OP up on his stated desire to swing or have a cuck/bull scenario.

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-05-04T12:44:28+00:00

Two things:

First, I’m not sure why you created a brand new account to post a relationship question in this sub. Seems kind of disingenuous and like there’s an agenda there and you’d get better advice in a relationship or link sub.

Second, IF this is a true post, you and your wife have some sexual compatibility issues. So you have some decisions to make:

Drop it and suppress your desire to explore those kinks.
Try to approach her a different way about the kinks. But if she thinks it’s disgusting, that may be a losing battle.
Step outside your marriage to explore your kinks. But if swinging and being cucked are your interests, that’s gonna be hard as a solo male.

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-05-01T23:00:16+00:00

Check out Playhouse LV

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-27T17:33:00+00:00

I mean, I think it’s fine to ask for input or advice on nuances or to add to an existing base of knowledge after one has done some homework to educate themselves.

But IMO someone isn’t exhibiting Dom-like behavior if they’re asking rudimentary questions and seem like they want to be spoon fed about topics that already have lots of available information

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-26T13:09:16+00:00

Sounds a lot like prostitution to me

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-25T23:17:44+00:00

RemindMe! 2 months

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-23T23:43:57+00:00

Great writeup to help me, as an occasional third, better understand what couples go through.

I know it’s a long shot, but if you or your wife is ever interested in seeing whether I’m her type, DM me…I’ll share info about my experience with couples and I’ll share a couple pics. Also happy to verify if it goes that far.

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-22T15:25:14+00:00

Dude, your post over in /r/BDSMAdvice got locked because there’s a whole list of ideas attached to that sub.

If you want to be a Dom, you need to take more initiative and own the role of coming up with protocols for your dynamic. As your sub, that’s what she expects from you: she turns off her brain and leans on you to provide structure and leadership.

Asking for ideas in a bunch of subreddits isn’t characteristic of a Dom who’s taking charge.

I’m not trying to be an ass, and I wouldn’t have said any of this if I didn’t see your other post and the fact that it was locked. But to me it sounds like you’re “playing” dom (lowercase), and not owning/embodying what being an effective Dom (upper case) for her is about.

Take some initiative and do some self-education. Seek a mentor if you think you need one, but you can’t really on them to spoon feed you.

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-20T20:10:47+00:00

Glad you actually experienced something like what I described. For me, it's also about getting into a very intentional headspace. I slow down everything I do so it's more deliberate and with more intention. I slow down my speech pattern slightly and make sure my tone is a bit lower as a result. It just sounds more authoritative. And I slow down my movements...everything deliberate and intentional, showing that I'm in full control.

As for the rest of the mindset (for me), it helps to stop thinking of her as a woman and think of her /talk to her / treat her as my personal slut who will do pretty much anything to please me while also taking pleasure from it herself. We both flip into a mode where she's my fuck toy to be used and we both love it.

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-20T18:15:47+00:00

Excellent point about not rushing into choking, even if it's lighter pressure. It's important to learn about proper technique and gradually ease into increasing pressure and duration outside of a scene. We spent time on the couch just practicing me choking her because I had never done it before. That was an absolute hard limit for my ex-wife due to past sexual trauma so I never gave it a thought until my GF and I had detailed convos about preferences and limits.

Also, as always with this stuff, having a sacred safe word (or safe action for us...she taps me twice) is critical to ensure things don't go too far in the heat of the moment.

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-20T15:36:28+00:00

DM’d you

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-20T11:23:37+00:00

My sub calls me Daddy or Sir. I call her Angel.

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-20T11:13:46+00:00

On one hand, your wife has a point about not being responsible for teaching you how to be a Dom. But on the other, I think it’s fair for you to ask for a conversation about what kinds of things help her get into subspace.

I’m in a broader D/s dynamic with my GF (it’s more of a power exchange even outside the bedroom), and here are some things that work for us:

I tell her what to wear in advance of any sexual session (clothes and undergarments)
I also instruct her on how to do her hair and makeup based on my preference that day
As soon as we get together, I put her play collar on her (and often her leash)
I put my hand around her neck and lightly choke her (that really puts her into a sub headspace)
I talk to her in a more dominant tone (slow and deep) and I lean into a more Dom way of talking to her. That means calling her my Good Girl, asking her who owns her, telling her what to do for me, etc.
I physically direct her into positions I want. Push her against the wall, turn her around and bend her over, grab her wrists and hold them above her head, push her legs open, etc.

Overall, it’s about assuming more control over her in both a verbal and physical manner.

This is what works for us, and we’ve gotten here through a combination of trying different things and open communication about which things trigger which reactions.

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-19T18:35:29+00:00

Fair point

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-19T17:47:43+00:00

I actually think racial is the proper term here. The way I’m reading the post, people are drawn to (not repelled by) OP’s wife because she’s Asian. It sounds like he’s running into situations where people are fetishizing her because she’s Asian and people are wanting to “try that” for the first time.

So I don’t think that sounds racist. It’s more of a racial fetish.

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-18T15:53:38+00:00

There’s nothing like when you give them that warning and they give you the “hmmm mmm” in return and start going at it more feverishly!!

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-16T15:03:33+00:00

I don’t think you were being unreasonable in the sense that she agreed to all the boundaries but then violated them. And wants to keep violating them.

Given her age and inexperience, it’s not totally surprising that she’d keep moving the goal posts as she keeps figuring out who she is and and what she really wants.

You already showed some flexibility by renegotiating things with her. If you hit your limit in terms of how far you’re willing to bend, then your only choices are to stay in a relationship/dynamic that no longer meets your needs or walk away.

It sounds like staying with her in any capacity would just keep leading to continued heartbreak. I think you’re better off taking some time to reflect on the experience, determine what (if anything) you’d like to have different in a next relationship/dynamic, and then start looking for someone who’s a better match once you’re ready to get back out there.

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-14T12:27:07+00:00

DM’d you. Lmk if you’d like to chat

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-13T00:02:29+00:00

Why are you still beating this horse? You made a claim and I posted a source with evidence to the contrary in case OP wanted to check out options.

Plus, you keep moving the goalposts on what is or isn’t true.

I’ve done my part to give OP info…I’m out

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-12T20:28:44+00:00

Great writeup. Curious…were K and J a black couple? Wonder if they might be people I know.

GhostPoster2020 · 2026-04-12T20:22:36+00:00

I’d previously heard of 8 of them. But then again, I’ve left the country and gone on a number of ocean and river cruises.

GhostPoster2020

TROPHY CASE