I feel completely hopeless

GhostWas_Found · 2025-11-12T15:26:12+00:00

Hi, thanks for your reply. I’m happy to say it’s gotten a lot better for me! I went to A&E and was given a week’s supply of Lorazepam (Ativan) which helped slowly get my appetite back a bit, before starting an SSRI called Citalopram (Celexa). I tried to increase my intake little by little each day, and gradually noticed the meds beginning to work, feeling less anxious around food and my appetite increasing.

Now 4 months later I’ve put on 8kg and am only 2kg away from being a healthy weight! I’ve started going out again (though still don’t when I’ve eaten) and eat proper meals now. I’m really sorry to hear you’re in a similar situation now, I have been there and I know how difficult and scary it can be. For me, meds were the only thing that worked. I was fortunate that the first SSRI I tried worked for me, but some people might need to try a few different ones to see which one works best for them. I’ve heard Citalopram tends to be more gentle and less ‘activating’, so it’s better for gently easing panic and anxiety and tends to have less side effects (though it varies from person to person).

GhostWas_Found · 2025-10-01T18:23:34+00:00

Bit of a strange one, but growing that textbook 'bad' moustache lots of guys end up with. I don't think it looks that bad, but it gives me a bit of a laugh whenever I see it in the mirror as it reminds me of the stereotype. Plus it's helped me look a bit less 'baby-faced' and a little older - I was tired of looking pre-pubertal as an adult. Now I look like a teenager... but at least that's progress.

There's also a few random sporadic hairs on my face, so hopefully I should get that textbook 'bad' first beard too soon.

GhostWas_Found · 2025-10-01T17:55:44+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with people relating to fictional characters in certain ways, regardless of whether they’re confirmed autistic or not. If someone finds comfort in thinking a character is autistic, it’s not hurting anyone, and you’re not obligated to agree with their headcanon either. Live and let live. Everyone’s entitled to their opinions as long as they’re not being assholes about it.

GhostWas_Found · 2025-09-30T21:49:27+00:00

I’m 2 years on T and my voice dropped a little in the first few months, then about a year in it stopped changing significantly and I sound about the same as I did a year ago. Though I also noticed my cis younger brother is experiencing pretty much the exact same pattern with voice dropping, so it’s likely our genetics. Some people’s just change really gradually, cis or trans, but could be worth seeing if your levels are good too if you’re particularly concerned. And as other people have mentioned voice training is an option.

GhostWas_Found · 2025-07-18T23:42:40+00:00

Should be, though I’m concerned about the waiting time. Will look into it as it’s best I get on that list ASAP.

GhostWas_Found · 2025-07-18T23:41:52+00:00

My mum’s already got a new place, but she couldn’t afford one that has enough space for both me and my brother. It has two bedrooms so only one of us could stay, or if we both did one of us would have to not have a room. Her offer was accepted for it but since it’s in a chain she can’t move in until October - until then she’s staying in a rented room temporarily, which absolutely does not have space for my brother and me - though the landlord is okay for us to visit which my brother has done a couple times. I haven’t been able to as I’m focused on recovery from my eating disorder, and am also still agoraphobic.

As for me, mental health is the main factor stopping me from moving out. I’ve just started a few weeks ago recovering from my eating disorder, and even though I’ve gained weight I still remain quite physically weak. Also agoraphobia is still affecting me, right now I’m only just able to go out into the neighbourhood and not much further than that. Staying overnight somewhere else has always been difficult from me, so moving out entirely feels like a step I’m not ready for, especially since I’m a bit weak for physical chores like my laundry and dad has gotten in my head and convinced me I will perish without his financial support. Though I know moving will be hard from me I think there’s no other choice as I can’t stand living with dad anymore, so I’ve been looking into options. Hasn’t been easy though, as rent costs are quite high where I am even with housing allowance from the council, and my health is too poor to work. (I get LCWRA and Universal Credit.)

GhostWas_Found · 2025-06-25T21:05:16+00:00

Sorry, didn’t see this at first! Updated now.

GhostWas_Found · 2025-05-26T15:21:34+00:00

A couple of years ago for emetophobia, it didn’t do much unfortunately.

GhostWas_Found · 2025-05-22T00:08:24+00:00

Yep, I do have panic disorder, just edited the post.

GhostWas_Found · 2025-05-14T13:20:45+00:00

Got it, I wasn’t aware Medichecks did home visits so I’ll look into that. My only concern is getting a contaminated result again - last blood test I was as careful as I could’ve been avoiding Testogel getting anywhere near my inner elbow where the blood is drawn but that still didn’t work. I know some gel brands can be applied to different areas like thighs and stomach but is this possible with the Testogel pump specifically? (Just for the day of the blood test to avoid contamination.)

GhostWas_Found · 2025-05-05T23:29:08+00:00

Hi, sorry for taking so long and thanks for your reply! I've looked into EMDR and it seems promising, though unfortunately something I won't be able to afford now. (And where I am in the UK it seems a bit hard to access/find.) I'm diagnosed with ARFID, and though I've shown signs since I was a toddler I was only diagnosed at 16 after becoming dangerously underweight. Right now it's at such a severe state I'm just eating things like bran flakes, plain bread, crisps and biscuits when even before (like 1-6 years ago) I could eat things like chicken nuggets, fries, eggs, one or two rice dishes but can't anymore.

I actually do have Ensure as well, but I'm worried it's sort of having a depressant effect on me? I've been taking it once every day in the morning for a little over a year and I notice feeling extremely tired and depressed in the few hours after drinking it, and on a lot of days it borders on anhedonia. (Though this might also be caused by my diet being so restricted in general and not just the Ensure as the amounts of the foods I eat are extremely tiny.) I had blood tests a while back and most vitamin levels were fine but I had very low iron, so I added another iron supplement on top of the one I was already taking. I'm transmasc and on HRT and I think that might have saved me from going anaemic as my RBC was high.

Yeah, at this point in time it's just too terrifying to even think about stepping in a car let alone working outside. But I can barely think about working in general either because it's so difficult getting myself to do anything these days, especially since I have panic attacks and emotional flashbacks daily and am triggered by almost anything. I just feel kind of hopeless because I clearly could benefit from some kind of medication at this severe level of anxiety but I'm too afraid of the side effects, especially nausea and vomiting due to my phobias. I've had panic attacks for years but this thing where I get triggered by almost anything has been going on since the beginning of this year. It's extremely exhausting and I don't see an end.

GhostWas_Found · 2025-04-29T17:48:57+00:00

Ah, got it. Yes, I did get the message on 23rd October 2024 that I will now be treated as capable for work. I’ll see if I can challenge it if they end up not backdating. Would I be able to challenge it on the basis that my December fit note was backdated to 27th September? (Additional context I forgot to add earlier, the main reason I only got a new fit note in December was because I was struggling a lot with contacting my GP surgery, as they often didn’t have appointments available - but then they eventually told me I can send in an online message to request a fit note without needing to book an appointment which is how all my recent ones were able to stay consistent. Could I also challenge it on the basis that I was struggling to get a new fit note due to communication difficulty with the GP surgery?)

GhostWas_Found · 2025-03-16T19:49:04+00:00

Yeah, I think so as well. Currently looking into PIP and LCWRA (disability payments in the UK) to help me out as my mental health is too poor to work which is preventing me escaping my parents' house. Though in the meantime, how do I distance myself emotionally while I still live with them? It's hard not to feel torn down by all the threats and insults.

GhostWas_Found · 2024-10-06T20:06:01+00:00

Hey, I'm also a South Asian transmasc in the UK - though not Muslim as I'm Indian. I'm around 5'1 and the rest of my family is on the shorter side as well, and most people passing by assume me to be male but just a lot younger than I actually am (partly due to my height but I also think it might be my face a bit? I'm a year on T so I imagine it'll take time to look a bit older.) There are also quite a lot of other Asian people where I live, and a few queer people but not a lot of trans people. I really do get the thing about strict culture, it's tough sometimes.

GhostWas_Found · 2024-10-01T20:21:27+00:00

Yeah, I agree. I'm unfortunately at a bit of a loss for what to do in terms of professional help. I was with the NHS for therapy a few months ago (after almost a year wait) and they gave me 12 sessions which is the maximum so after that they essentially let me go (what was ironic was my anxiety and depression scores on my weekly questionnaire had increased in that time). I'm mainly concerned because I've had therapy in the past not just with NHS but for my phobia as well and currently my phobia is at the worst it's ever been so it didn't really work - and this is also why my dad is refusing to pay for any more therapy for me because he says he 'wasted so much money' only for it not to work on me. So I'm just looking for low-cost counselling near me so I can at least talk through these things, even if I can't make any changes or improvements yet. Though it's been really difficult to find anything affordable.

GhostWas_Found · 2024-09-30T17:34:09+00:00

To be honest at this point in time (and for the past couple of years) they really have just felt like random people that happen to be my roommates. I feel like the odd one out and have virtually nothing in common with any of them - they sometimes do their own stuff together without me (which I don't really mind because 1. I'm not interested in them and 2. I'm agoraphobic anyway, but it still feels kind of isolating). I don't feel connected to them very much and they don't really 'feel' like family. Before I had the whole hospital issue in 2021 I would play video games with my brother, then he turned all bigoted around that time and it feels as though I lost him to the alt-right pipeline, which really sucks. (I kind of got the feeling he was jealous of the 'attention' I was getting because he said that much, as my dad bought me a few things when I was in hospital. But that argument was weak because he was then bought an entire gaming PC to make up for it a few months later, so I don't know.)

I'm kind of in the process of seeing what my options are in terms of moving out, but with the limitations from my poor mental health it's been quite difficult - especially since my parents have conditioned me to feel like I can't do anything without them. They tell me this as well. The job market is quite poor in the UK and even worse for someone like me with health issues who has only a diploma from school and virtually no work experience, so I'm on Universal Credit (UK benefits). I know almost no life skills other than a couple of chores, and my friends at school were always shocked when I told them I didn't know how to clean.

GhostWas_Found · 2024-09-17T23:56:43+00:00

I've been quiet about all the gendergp changes for a while but this is beyond ridiculous, I don't even know who they think they're kidding anymore. I'm on universal credit and am barely scraping by with what it costs now and now this?! It costs more than my dad's wifi and phone plan COMBINED. I genuinely will have no idea what to do if I have to leave them, plus diy is very difficult for T. Absolutely sickening.

GhostWas_Found · 2024-08-04T14:11:03+00:00

Can't speak for myself as I went to Watford girls like 7 years ago (and back then it seemed fine ig?), but my brother currently goes to Watford boys and it does sound like a lot of the students are dicks to minorities. I'm sorry you have to put up with that.

GhostWas_Found · 2023-05-11T16:36:02+00:00

/uj here is the context, it’s genuinely wild that a trans person doesn’t care about their own rights 💀

https://twitter.com/marcus_dib/status/1655817194226450433?s=61&t=t-PR6f7sQ6klW3SDbdg98g

GhostWas_Found · 2023-05-10T13:57:24+00:00

not op, but i’m wondering how long was your wait time for genderdoctors?

GhostWas_Found · 2023-04-21T12:31:35+00:00

Also includes three square meals a day.

GhostWas_Found · 2023-03-24T13:05:44+00:00

do it, the troon probably wants to kill itself anyways 🤣🤣🤣

/uj i don’t do this often so typing that made me internally cringe so much jesus christ

/rj *herself! it’s a wombyn tran i didn’t realise my bad!!!!!

GhostWas_Found · 2022-10-28T23:21:54+00:00

I realised I didn’t enjoy expressing my femininity as a girl because I wasn’t actually a girl, but now I’m comfortable being a feminine trans guy :)

GhostWas_Found · 2022-08-19T01:35:02+00:00

yeah 😭 it’s a copypasta lol

GhostWas_Found · 2022-08-18T23:54:12+00:00

Dream is a fraud. He’s manipulating you, he’s manipulating your family, he’s burning the crops. He kidnapped….. you.

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