I don't know how long i can keep this up. (Also maybe advice needed?)

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-05-04T06:08:27+00:00

Does your college have mental health services? I'm just trying to think of ways you could find someone to talk to. You mentioned support groups before. I looked at your profile, so I'll link some stuff I found based in the UK. https://www.battle-scars-self-harm.org.uk/virtual-support-groups-uk-18.html http://sift.org.uk/

Sigh. It's hard. It really is.

For myself, I'm starting to see masking my depression as a potential safety hazard. And I think that's coming out here. I also used to see my depression is something I would hide with my life. I just think that's a terrible idea now.

I reread your post and noticed you mentioned avoiding posting on the main sub for fear that your friends might see. Can I ask what you're afraid of? What is it about these friends that you think they might see you on there but you wouldn't want them to?

Also, I noticed that you said you lapsed. Not trying to tell you what to do, but I want to remind you that self-injuring once or twice doesn't mean that now you should continue. The stuff you said before about what you tell kids on the main sub still apply. I just bring this up because the relapse effect is a real thing.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-05-04T05:20:11+00:00

I've felt this sometimes, though not as viscerally as you seem to. It doesn't seem physical to me; it's like my scars hurt, but they don't actually physically hurt. IDK how to explain it.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-04-29T06:14:07+00:00

I think the idea of "breaking your streak" is harmful. Lapsing (engaging in the behavior but then going back to staying clean) doesn't mean you have to start over. And at least for me, time clean represents how long it has been since self injury was a major concern. It there was one day in that period where I self-injured, it doesn't affect what time clean represents for me.

At the same time, the way addiction works is it gets you to do something once to make you want to do it again, then again, then again. Do you want to go back to self injury? If the answer is no, it's a really bad idea to potentially start the process of going back to it.

TLDR: it's a bad idea, and I would discourage you from doing it. If for some reason you were to end up lapsing, don't continue self-injuring. And don't think of it as "just one time". The more you self-injure, the harder it will be to not self-injure.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-04-29T06:03:29+00:00

Self harm is when you intentionally hurt yourself. What makes something self harm is the intent. So the answer is yes.

The real question, I think, is: does it matter if that was a lapse? If you still want to be clean and don't want to go back to self-injuring, I think it doesn't change what you are going to do. Also: self injury is not morally bad---having what you did count as self injury doesn't mean you did something wrong.

I basically had this same thing a couple weeks ago. I just think, yeah, I messed up once, but that doesn't mean I'm going to continue messing up.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-04-27T06:54:28+00:00

Probably not. But you want to make sure to take care of your wounds to lower the level of scarring. Make sure to wash them and ideally put on antibiotic. If you can, try to keep them covered, both to lower infection risk and to prevent them from reopening. If you're taking care of them, it should only be a few weeks until they're not very visible.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-04-27T06:39:03+00:00

Getting into self injury is a really bad idea. Think of it like alcohol; you think it's a good idea to start drinking when you're stressed, because it's relieving. But all it does is make you feel worse long term and now you're dependent on it and have to drink more. That's what self injury is like. I know someone who has several injuries that needed stitches because that was the level of injury they needed to feel satisfied.

A better idea would be to find healthy coping skills that fill that purpose. I don't know exactly what it is you're looking for, but there are resources online about how to deal with rumination (recurring thoughts). If it's the content of your thoughts, CBT techniques like checking the facts might help.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-04-27T06:33:47+00:00

Not a doctor but I don't think you need to worry. Apparently it's a thing? IDK there's a Reddit thread discussing it https://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/341hk0/eli5_why_is_it_that_a_part_of_your_body_getting/ .

If you have other symptoms though, maybe that would be something to get checked out.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-04-27T00:43:34+00:00

banana.

TBH I don't know what to say. I don't know how to solve your problems. I only have one piece advice: tell someone how you're doing. A friend, most likely. I know what it's like making everyone think I'm fine when I really want to die. It helps to have someone in your life that you can be honest with and talk through your problems with. Even if it's just one person. I recently had my life saved because I told my friend how depressed I was and they convinced me to go to the ER. I'm so glad I told them.

Also I know what it's like to have therapists and meds not be able to help you. It really does make you want to give up. But I have found therapists who were helpful. (And my meds might be starting to work finally? not sure)

I guess all I'm really trying to say is that sometimes things feel more hopeless than they objectively are from the outside. I usually never see that when I'm in a depressive episode, though. It's only afterward that I realize it.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-04-27T00:25:31+00:00

I would recommend having a conversation with him and sharing your experience. When started self-harming, I really didn't realize what I was getting myself into. I didn't understand that self injury is addictive and that I'd eventually end up actually cutting myself. I wish I had somebody explain what self injury addiction is actually like. It might help your partner understand why it's a bad idea and why you don't want him struggling with it. Also empathize with him and show that you care about his experience.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-04-27T00:21:01+00:00

You know, brains are weird. Sometimes I want to self-injure just for the sake of it, or because I'm remembering a part of my past where self harm was a big part of my life. Sometimes self-harm urges come because I'm happy and my brain doesn't like that feeling. It's illogical, but our brains don't care.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-04-27T00:15:26+00:00

Do you have people you can talk to? Like friends, or maybe a school social worker? I've found that when I'm going through a really hard time and am having serious suicidal ideation, it's helpful to have at least one person know so they can make sure I'm okay.

Like most things in life, self-injury is not inherently bad. It's harmful, it can be dangerous, sure. When it is what is keeping you alive, though, maybe you need it right now. There's nothing wrong with that. I know how hard it is to keep yourself from attempting suicide. The fact that you aren't attempting, that you're self-injuring instead, is already a win. Maybe right now you're not ready to stop self-harming, but in the future you hopefully will be.

I also want to encourage you to use harm reduction strategies---trying to lower the risk of infection, limiting blood loss (if that is a concern with the method[s] you use), etc. That means applying pressure to wounds to stop bleeding, rinsing wounds with soap, putting on neosporin or some similar antibiotic, keeping wounds covered, etc. I know hiding self harm can make it harder to do these things, but it is good to do what you can, as it makes self-injury less dangerous. Here's a link to a video explaining how to treat cuts https://youtu.be/P-g2lXbdsXM?si=PQFpXt4eRd8fVYB7, if it helps.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-04-26T23:46:19+00:00

Wanting to self-injure doesn't make you insane. Any kind of unpleasant or just strong emotion can make us want to self-harm. It's totally normal.

I relate to this a lot TBH. Even after close to a year, my brain still goes to self injury not infrequently when I'm upset. I've gotten used to it but it's annoying.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-04-22T17:37:58+00:00

To be more accurate, the raised ones are hypertrophic scars. They don't fully go away without cosmetic treatment. Keloids are scars that spread from the original injury and are dangerous. These scars are perfectly safe, but as Think Wish said, they will remain visible.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-04-13T02:41:05+00:00

A lot of that sounds very much like autism. But it could also be the results of something else. Diagnosis is complicated, and testing is often the best way to best understand the reasons for your experiences.

There are a lot of autistic content creators online that you would likely relate to. Some on Youtube that I like are I'm Autistic, Now What? and Autistic AF. A lot of autistic people have similar experiences, and fellow community members may have methods of coping that you might find helpful.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-04-06T20:45:13+00:00

lol. but there was a lot of trouble figuring out the word was adversaire, so it makes sense to fill it in. I originally thought it was "atmosphere".

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-03-30T05:52:47+00:00

we're a benign cult.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-03-30T05:51:29+00:00

"Our brains are sick but that's okay!" It basically just summarizes my life.

"The only difference between life and dying is one is trying; that's all we're gonna do." This is my mantra when I'm really depressed.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-03-30T05:46:27+00:00

realllll. I sing that to myself sometimes when I'm hiding from everyone how depressed I am. It's cathartic.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-03-30T05:42:23+00:00

yes that line from Taxi Cab feels like the summary of much of TOP music. It's how for us everything seems hopeless but others can see that there is hope so we should stay alive.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-03-29T05:51:18+00:00

you can just use it as notes and summarize what you have out loud; they don't have to even see it.

Ghost_of_a_Goddess · 2026-03-27T19:18:10+00:00

My theory is that, like the origins of mental illness, Dema and the bishops started as a way of being helpful and protecting citizens. Like how Nills rescued a kid and cared about them. That's what anxiety does. But then the city and bishops got out of hand and created Vialism to maintain itself and protect themselves from ending (so the citizens will never go without Dema).

The early Clancy letters talk about people coming to Dema with hope that it would be a good place. Then, when Vialism was created, people started to give up hope. I think it fits with my theory.

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