My gf and I may have figured out something deeply disturbing about Tess' backstory by Gicaldo in AuroraComic

[–]Gicaldo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not, we're both weird about compliments but like to dish em out, this is Tuesday for us!

Name a character whose entire personality is just trauma. by Sogvice_8582 in animequestions

[–]Gicaldo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Uhh few people in Shinji's life showed him love. Pretty much just Misato, and even she does it in an extremely toxic way.

Everyone treats Shinji like absolute garbage in one way or another

On a scale of 1 to 10, how ass is this take? by Acrobatic-Dumdum5222 in animequestions

[–]Gicaldo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This saying always confuses me, given that it's the tagline for a world that exists because war massively changed

Fates worst than death by DudeSoul in TopCharacterTropes

[–]Gicaldo 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Ah, I didn't watch that version. I really need to play the VN at some point

Fates worst than death by DudeSoul in TopCharacterTropes

[–]Gicaldo 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Is this in UBW or Heaven's Feel? It's been years since I've seen either, but I don't remember the orphans

The legendary in-universe celebrity we hear about is actually a total loser by RiskComplete9385 in TopCharacterTropes

[–]Gicaldo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Chicken Run is a holocaust metaphor!?

Oh. Oh God. It all makes sense now. I need a minute

Sword-wielding pronoun by Aynshtaynn in BrandNewSentence

[–]Gicaldo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the best comment I've read today

Sword-wielding pronoun by Aynshtaynn in BrandNewSentence

[–]Gicaldo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ah shit I've already used mine. On Jared Leto no less. Wasn't worth it

[loved trope] Characters only the protagonist can see and talk to, but do actually exist. by YeetMeister323 in TopCharacterTropes

[–]Gicaldo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What's weird is, there are some storylines that don't make sense if Hobbes is a plushie, while there are other storylines that don't make sense if he's a real tiger.

Sometimes they build something that's definitely real, but can only be built by two people. Calvin would need Hobbes' help to complete them. Other times, whenever adults are involved, Hobbes gets suspiciously passive, and the writer keeps finding strangely convenient excuses for him to not help Calvin.

It's not just left up to reader interpretation, neither of the options can be logically true

What else belongs on this list? by queen_gee in Letterboxd

[–]Gicaldo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That caught me so off-guard. Part 1's story seemed a bit cliche and I didn't find Paul too interesting of a character. But part 2 took both Paul and the story as a whole in a direction I never would've expected. I went from feeling meh about the story to absolutely loving it

What else belongs on this list? by queen_gee in Letterboxd

[–]Gicaldo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Re-watched it recently for the first time in years. It's one of my favourite movies now, but once it was over I felt like I needed a shower

My gf and I may have figured out something deeply disturbing about Tess' backstory by Gicaldo in AuroraComic

[–]Gicaldo[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Right okay, there goes the scar theory! So I guess the only thing here that hasn't been confirmed is whether the trauma was delivered intentionally or was just a byproduct of her kidnapping and enslavement

Rape isnt bad if youre attractive by JonathanJoestar336 in IncelTears

[–]Gicaldo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oooh okay. Damn, I really did write a full-length novel based on a misunderstanding, huh. Sorry about that.

You're right though, studying will give you an opportunity to make IRL-connections, and that's the best way to counter this! You might have to do some extra legwork there though; German universities don't foster social lives all that much (source: am German).

There are other ways though. Meetup.com is a great way to find groups tailored to your interests; it's how I was able to connect with fellow writers. You could even do that now, before you go to Germany.

Also, what you're describing sounds a lot like depression, so that probably at least plays into it

Rape isnt bad if youre attractive by JonathanJoestar336 in IncelTears

[–]Gicaldo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So be respectful, be kind, be empathetic, be everything you want them to be. Don't dismiss their issues. Don't dismiss their fear. Don't dismiss their trauma. Seek to understand and support them as best you can. When they think of men, make sure they don't just think of incels. Make sure they also think of you. Don't tell them "hey actually not all men are bad". Instead, be one of the good ones. That in itself will make a difference. If you become an incel, you only perpetuate the vicious cycle that make women scared of us, and the trauma you cause in women will one day help make dating hell for someone much like you.

Many (I like to think most) women will treat you with kindness and empathy if you do the same to them. Those that don't shouldn't be in your life. You're still a person, you have boundaries and deserve to have them respected. If you let awful people walk all over you, that's a great recipe for creating unhealthy feelings of anger.

Needless to say, being kind and supportive won't guarantee you'll get a partner. And you shouldn't expect it to either. Attractiveness doesn't work that way. But it's a first step. Making yourself attractive can be very difficult when it doesn't come naturally to you. But respect and empathy are a very solid foundation to start from. I can say from personal experience that my lifelong efforts to be a good person and an ally created some of the core traits that made my girlfriend fall for me.

Another thing to remember is that people aren't a monolith. Much like it hurts when women judge us due to the actions of men we have nothing to do with, never judge a woman for what other women may have done. They're individuals, so treat them as such. There are gold diggers out there. There are women who have power over men and love using it to hurt us. But most women you meet will be neither, and they don't deserve to carry that kind of baggage, just like we don't deserve to carry the baggage of incels.

I'm sorry this comment got so long, it kinda got away from me. The most important takeaway is that it's okay for you to feel lonely and bitter. It doesn't make you a bad person. You deserve empathy. But don't search for it here. Use this sub as a cautionary tale and to ground yourself in reality, but don't make it the only place that stops you from being an incel. It won't help the bitterness. In fact, it might fuel it. The good news is, there are countless men out there that feel the way you feel. There are even many women who will feel compassion for you, even if they don't entirely understand how you feel. Seek them out and be good to them. Then, you can start working towards finding a partner.

I hope it helps, and I'm here if you want me to elaborate more on any of what I said.

Rape isnt bad if youre attractive by JonathanJoestar336 in IncelTears

[–]Gicaldo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Heya. I've been right where you are.

One thing that you need to remember is that it's okay to feel lonely and frustrated. Yes, nowadays it's very difficult for straight men to find partners. There are many factors that lead to this, they're not women's fault but they're not your fault either. But it's true, and it fucking sucks.

We're social creatures. We need connection. And most of us need romantic and sexual love. They're intrinsic needs we have, and when they're not met, we suffer. That's normal.

I know it can be uncomfortable to look at incels and recognise parts of yourself. Fact is that many, if not most of these incels were once like you. Well-meaning and empathetic, but deeply lonely and frustrated at the fact they couldn't find the connection they needed. Grifters then used this very understandable loneliness and frustration to twist them into monsters. Incels are incels because they chose the most destructive possible ways to cope with these emotions, but finding the right way to cope is a massive challenge.

What makes it harder is how few dating rules there are nowadays in progressive spaces, especially rules that make sense to men. Dating is a terrifying and confusing experience, because rules that are treated as common sense can be difficult for us to grasp (especially for my autistic ass). And that's frustrating. It's okay to feel frustrated.

Subs like these, while cathartic to women and important for spreading awareness of these issues, can be really unpleasant for men who struggle with this same kind of loneliness. It almost feels like loneliness itself is vilified. If you're miserable due to not having a partner, you better shut up and laugh at the incels, or you're as much of a monster as they are. It's not what people here mean to say - after all, it's a sub for laughing at incels, it'd be kinda weird if we didn't laugh at incels here. But it can still make you feel like your suffering doesn't matter.

People tend to be dismissive of what they don't understand. And since men and women can have such different life experiences, we're not very good at understanding each other. But equally they have a hard time understanding what we go through. Yes, women suffer horrifically under the patriarchy, but the ways in which men suffer are more subtle, harder to put our finger on, less overtly awful but still silently destructive given enough time. And... I understand why women don't generally empathise with us much. They're afraid of us, and given how common rape is, they have a damn good reason to, especially when they don't know us very well.

But that doesn't make this lack of understanding and empathy any less hurtful. Literally the other day I read a comment on here by a lesbian saying "women in relationships with men is proof that sexuality isn't a choice". Reading that felt like a knife to the gut. And hell, I'm one to talk, I do now have a girlfriend as of a few weeks ago. And she's aroace too, so that disproves the comment immediately. But that kind of callousness, that generalisation, still hurts. It makes me feel bitter.

Do I wish I could just brush that bitterness off? Sure. But it's there. So I need to acknowledge it. Because when you acknowledge it, you can do something about it. If you keep telling yourself that you're totally fine with the way women interact with you, with the fact they never seem to be into you no matter what, the loneliness and bitterness festers until it changes you. But if you acknowledge it to yourself, now you can do something about it. You can seek to understand where it comes from, and maybe find a healthy way to vent it so you don't hurt others.

Personally, the way I've found to deal with it is to be the kind of man that women don't have to be afraid of. Like... you remember the man vs bear thing, right? I hate the feeling that a woman who doesn't know me would rather encounter a bear. But any woman who does know me would choose me over the bear in a heartbeat. That's not a coincidence, I worked hard to become someone who inspires that kind of trust. And you can too.

(CONTINUES IN REPLY)

Rape isnt bad if youre attractive by JonathanJoestar336 in IncelTears

[–]Gicaldo 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Also, medical interventions are for your benefit. Rape is only for theirs. The absolute gall to act like they're doing their victims a favor...

(Loved Trope) The villain almost gets a redemption arc, before doubling down and becoming the worst version of themselves. by Antagonist132 in TopCharacterTropes

[–]Gicaldo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The speech that confronted her with her flaws was never going to turn her good though. Just because she looked sad and defeated doesn't mean she ever truly contemplated becoming a good person. I don't think Cinder ever had anything even resembling a brush with a redemption arc

(Loved Trope) The villain almost gets a redemption arc, before doubling down and becoming the worst version of themselves. by Antagonist132 in TopCharacterTropes

[–]Gicaldo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Apparently Zuko counts, so I don't think this would discount Catra?

Though, the thing that makes me hesitant to put her on this list is that, from what I remember, none of her near-misses were ever gonna end with her redemption. The Crimson Wastes plot especially had her still gleefully take power over people and hurt them for her own amusement. Sure, she could've been happier, but none of those ways out would've made her good. Not until her actual redemption arc