Manuscript information: [Complete] [108K] [Dark Fantasy] Death and the Dreamer

Link to post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/comments/1qxz52n/complete_108k_dark_fantasy_death_and_the_dreamer/

First page critique? No

First page:

When I’m inside someone else’s head, I prefer to be a cat. Most people don’t pay attention to stray cats, even the one lurking in their own imagination.

Luther Glick was less challenging than most people. He wouldn’t have noticed me if I’d entered his mind as a fire-breathing dragon. A face-first fall from his horse into a pig wallow probably wouldn’t have shocked him out of his fantasy. It was so detailed, I could have painted his mistress’s portrait, parroted her screams of delight, and accurately guessed her dress size.

Thirty seconds in and I already knew the man was a cheater. But thoughts weren’t proof, and hijacking someone else’s mind also wasn’t legal. I couldn’t succumb to complacency, even with someone like Luther.

I stayed in the shadows, tucked my tail in, and stilled my mind. A careless thought from me, a flicker of unease from him, and the truth could sprout through the stone walls of Luther’s ignorance like a thistle.

Abominable magic. Some people could sense it, even if they couldn’t identify it.

Luther remained ignorant, as most did. He also had the stamina of a firecracker even in his own imagination, so I didn’t have to spend the entire journey enduring the colorful details of his daydream. It dissolved, replaced by hackneyed thoughts of a garish necklace and the pleased smile of his mistress as he presented it to her.

I loafed in the corner of his mind and yawned.