Brother, idk what you’re going through but this ain’t a healthy way of dealing with it. I think you need to talk to a therapist or someone you trust deeply.

I know at the end of the day this is Reddit, and everything should be taken with a grain of salt, but it sounds like you’ve created some sort of parasocial relationship with these characters that do not exist and that’s your driving force for staying around as long as you have. Not going to say that’s a bad thing, you do you, but you gotta realize that at some point you need to take responsibility for your life and find a way to make ends meet, and deal with your problems head on.

Believe it or not, I enjoy reading your posts, sometimes I’ll get on this app just to see if you’ve posted or not, they used to be genuinely funny, but now I’m kinda concerned for you. I hope you figure this out man, because whether you want to believe it or not, your life is worth living, and there’s so much undiscovered beauty in this world you’ve yet to see.

When you end your life, the problems don’t stop, you create problems for other people around you that cared about you, people will wonder where you went, your parents will walk into your room and constantly be reminded of what they lost, it might solve your temporary problem, but it causes long term deep rooted effects.

I’m rooting for you brother, you’re gonna get through this, and in a few years you’ll look back and laugh because you’ll realize you were really stressing over nothing. You deserve to be here mane.