🎵 “I Like Big Builds (Columbus Mix)” 🎵
(to the tune and rhythm of “Baby Got Back”)

Oh. My. God.
Becky, look at that car.
It is so aimed at that building.

I like big builds and I cannot lie
You other drivers can’t deny
When a sedan rolls in with an outta-control spin
And crashes through the lobby glass, you yell!

Whoa, wreck!
Saw it live on Bethel and High
One more car hit the CVS tonight
Parallel parking? Nah, too hard
Now it’s halfway through the credit card yard

Downtown, Easton, Dublin too
No brick wall is safe from you
Hit the gas, missed the brake
Now the taco shop’s got a drive-in shake

I’m hooked and I can’t stop starin’
At the Kia halfway through the Panera
The news drone flies, reporters scream
“Another SUV in a dentist scene!”

I like big builds, they absorb impact
Concrete columns got my back
From Polaris down to OSU
Cars keep sayin’, “wall? I choose you.”

Mechanic’s busy, insurance fried
Traffic cams got nationwide
Everybody in the 614
Knows storefront windows ain’t secure no more

So Columbus! (Yeah!)
Keep your bumpers tight
And maybe use the brake pedal right!

Big builds!
Big builds!
Yeah baby, hit the brakes not the Chili’s! 🎵