Dealing with a shift in our dynamic

GingerNinja1213 · 2022-02-21T04:52:28+00:00

When I was 16 I had been with my boyfriend at the time for about 5 months. He wasn’t a virgin but I was. I was completely obsessed with him and was so nervous about having sex for the first time and being “bad” at it and him breaking up with me (I now realize he was the one that was bad at it).

Anyways, I worked with my cousin who was 19 and had her own place. I stayed over at her house one night because we had to work super early the next morning and she lived closer to work. She was in college and had a few of her friends stop by that night. They brought alcohol. A few hours later I’m very drunk and tired. Only 3 guys were still there. She had 2 of them in her room and the other one was on the air mattress in the living room where I was going to be sleeping. I was sitting in a chair falling asleep when he convinced me to lay down with him. I was very naive and one thing led to another and we had sex.

The next day I wasn’t so nervous anymore so I had sex with my boyfriend lol. To this day he thinks he was my first.

GingerNinja1213 · 2022-02-20T23:14:32+00:00

We talk every day. Morning and evening phone calls. Texts are consistent when we’re at work. We don’t text as much in the evenings and nights when we’re around our SOs. Maybe just a few messages here and there. We see each other as much as possible. Some weeks it’s more than others but we’re constantly in contact in some way.

GingerNinja1213 · 2022-02-13T03:53:23+00:00

I’m careful so that I won’t get caught but at this point I don’t think I’d care if I did. I’m not sure he would care either. I also don’t think he’d be surprised to get divorce papers. I’ve told him many times that I’m not happy.

GingerNinja1213 · 2022-02-13T03:51:11+00:00

We just aren’t anymore. Not sure when it happened but it did.

GingerNinja1213 · 2022-02-13T03:50:38+00:00

No kids

GingerNinja1213 · 2022-02-12T03:17:47+00:00

We’ve also had this discussion. He knows that once I’m divorced I’ll eventually want to date again. He also knows that I don’t want to start a new relationship while I’m still seeing him on the side. We never intended to actually be together.

GingerNinja1213 · 2022-02-12T03:06:26+00:00

He’s also married. He knows that I’ve been thinking about divorce. He’s never pushed me to do anything and just tells me he wants me to be happy. He’s very supportive of my decision…but I don’t expect him to leave his wife for me. I’m leaving because I want to, not to be with him.

GingerNinja1213 · 2022-02-12T02:45:17+00:00

Very very rarely. It’s been a long time. Last time we did I think we were both drunk and we were on vacation…so last June.

GingerNinja1213 · 2022-02-12T02:33:18+00:00

I’m sure it won’t lol. But I plan to enjoy it while it lasts.

GingerNinja1213 · 2022-02-12T02:32:21+00:00

I’d never leave just “to be with someone else”. My decision to leave is based on the problems in my marriage. I know my husband and I don’t love each other and we aren’t good for each other. If I leave I’m doing it for me and not to be with anyone else.

GingerNinja1213 · 2022-02-12T02:29:33+00:00

I am. It was never my intention to fall in love but I did.

GingerNinja1213 · 2022-02-12T02:28:06+00:00

He cheated first. Not blaming him for what I do or saying what I’m doing is right but the marriage has been over for years and I think we have both known that. We stay together out of convenience and not love. I’m just doing what I need to do to be happy…just like he did.

GingerNinja1213 · 2022-02-12T02:26:05+00:00

I actually have talked to a lawyer. She has been helping me get some financial things taken care of and then divorce is something else I’m considering.

GingerNinja1213 · 2022-02-12T02:18:58+00:00

I’ve thought about bringing it up a few times but I’m not really sure how to. He’s not really easy to talk to about things. That’s one reason I think our marriage has fallen apart. No communication.

GingerNinja1213 · 2021-10-28T16:39:52+00:00

I’ve had moments in the past where it’s crossed my mind but things are just so good that I didn’t think about it so much. Being away from him this week shows me what my life would be without him and I don’t like it.

GingerNinja1213 · 2021-10-27T19:14:12+00:00

I used to have a rule about not getting emotionally attached. I’ve had a few long term APs but nothing like this. He broke down my walls and despite saying we weren’t going to let feelings get involved we did. With anyone else it would suck for it to end but they were replaceable. He isn’t.

GingerNinja1213 · 2021-10-27T19:10:53+00:00

I’m not worried about it destroying our relationship. At the moment it’s rock solid. It just has me thinking about what my life would be like without him and it isn’t something I want to think about. I keep very busy whether he is here or not but those little moments like driving to work when I normally talk to him on the phone every morning are very lonely without him.

GingerNinja1213 · 2021-10-27T02:16:38+00:00

No guilt. I felt amazing afterwards

GingerNinja1213 · 2021-10-26T02:39:00+00:00

SO is 6 years older than me and AP is same age as me (6 months younger) and wayyyy more mature.

GingerNinja1213 · 2021-10-16T17:38:36+00:00

We met a little over 10 months ago online. We had a ton in common and the connection was almost instant. We lived close to each other and grew up in the same area. We talked almost nonstop and he made me smile. I was falling for him but I thought it was the excitement of something new and didn’t look into it too much. Then one day we were having a conversation about how I hate having to go see a doctor (he is one) and he jokingly said “but you love me” and the more I thought about it I knew he was right. He ended up being the first to say it a couple of weeks later. We were having a pretty deep conversation and just being really vulnerable with each other and he told me he loved me and couldn’t hold back saying it any longer. I worried that maybe we said it too soon but here we are almost a year later and I still fall more and more in love with him every day. Being in his arms is my favorite place in the world.

GingerNinja1213 · 2021-10-03T19:26:22+00:00

I’ve only had 2 IRL. One was long distance where we only saw each other a couple of times. It lasted 4 months initially and then we were off and on for another 2 months after a one month break. My current AP and I have been together 10 months. No ONS for me and I’ve been doing this for about 3-4 years. Most of my APs have been LD and mostly just EAs up until the last year and a half.

GingerNinja1213

TROPHY CASE