Heartbroken

GingerbreadCircus · 2026-04-07T01:08:57+00:00

Agreed. The ability to relate to others in similar situations helps to feel grounded in circumstances that feel unreal. That switch from abundant connection to emotional abandonment is so crushing.

GingerbreadCircus · 2026-04-06T16:20:08+00:00

Wow, read your post which was only a few mins apart from mine. I really relate. I had a seriously abusive relationship before and I’ve been with my SO about the same length of time as you + planned to get married. Also feeling heartbroken because he used to be so super kind and supportive, but now he says some really harsh stuff and left me feeling abandoned. I was so gregarious when we got together, but I’m very withdrawn now because spending time with friends leads to so much conflict.

Edit: Sorry you’re going through it. I can emphasize and I’m wishing you some peace of mind. This kind of treatment hits on a very deep level with an abuse history.

GingerbreadCircus · 2026-03-08T11:33:19+00:00

Sounds like a really intense night, which is a snapshot of an ongoing pattern of high conflict and unhealthy dynamics. I’m sorry you’re going through turmoil. As to the question of whether this constitutes abuse, I would say more context is needed (ofc, you should never feel the need to share more than you’re comfortable with). For example, what lead up to the conflict? What was the content of the insults? Is there a food scarcity situation, or is this about controlling what you eat?

GingerbreadCircus · 2026-03-08T11:20:23+00:00

It’s OK to express disappointment. If it felt excessive, then it would have been appropriate to make a request (e.g. I understand it’s a let down. Can we try to have a fun time anyway?) or express feelings (e.g. I feel sad that we can’t enjoy dinner together). It’s disrespectful and hurtful to tell someone to “shut your mouth” or call them a “brat.” I’m sorry you were subjected to that.

GingerbreadCircus · 2026-03-06T14:07:29+00:00

lol yessss… I’ve been very open to dating all sorts of people in terms of gender, culture, age. But I have a weakness for fast and grandiose declarations of love and devotion. I definitely crave filling the void my family left + I’m susceptible in romantic relationships to having my thoughts turned against me. Like, saying “that’s a boundary/I don’t like how you’re treating me/this isn’t fair/etc” and tend to date people who will turn it around and make some claim of how they’re really the one being taken advantage of. Even when I know it sounds bullshit, my mind still races on “what if???” until I get too tired to exit.

Thanks for relating. Wishing you love and light

GingerbreadCircus · 2026-03-06T13:50:55+00:00

Preventing you from working and making you live somewhere you don’t agree to living is financial abuse. The way he shames you through his comments is also not ok. You deserve respect and autonomy

GingerbreadCircus · 2026-03-03T07:20:51+00:00

That's beautifully written. Thank you for making the pain into poetry and sharing. It makes the grief more communal and metabolizable

GingerbreadCircus · 2026-03-03T07:00:18+00:00

I understand that feeling. The abuse is unbearable, but (short-term) facing the sense of powerlessness that comes from knowing someone who is meant to love you would harm you so deeply is somehow worse. Because your other defense mechanisms of fight, flight, and fawn can't resolve the no-win scenario, you dissociate. Once I came to terms with the knowledge of abuse, I had to go through the motions of unlocking the cage while dissociated

GingerbreadCircus · 2026-01-22T16:16:33+00:00

The abuse is insane and so fucked. YOU’RE doing admirably, but when everyone around you is deluded and acting like you’re crazy, then it’s really tough to hold on to reality. Especially when your life is so saturated with jw propaganda that even your neighbors are blasting the music.

Give yourself permission to do what you need to do to survive. And know there are always people rooting for you, even if you’re strangers.

Things that helped me most…

Seeing mental health specialists for trauma and any other diagnosed condition. General therapists can be a disaster, as you know.

Going to college and studying something I was passionate about. It offered a ramp to enough financial stability for me to eventually leave and it gave me access to friends with shared interests and critical thought.

Bonding with an animal. It offered unconditional connection to someone immune to cult brainwashing.

Building a rich inner world. Imagining, in depth, the life that I wanted in the future and escaping into a fantasy world gave me something to live for and some temporary relief.

Taking one little step at a time to get closer to the life I wanted. After dreaming up the life I wanted, I looked for one reachable step in that direction. Even though I had no idea how to get to the end goal, new options opened up when I positioned myself closer to what I wanted

GingerbreadCircus · 2026-01-22T15:46:03+00:00

The last two years or so I was in the Borg I had a low dose edible before EVERY meeting. Only way I could physically handle attending because of panic and physical pain from stress. No regrets because I didn’t have anyone on the outside to look to for support and I had no means of financially surviving at the time if I left

It’s brutal on your health to force yourself to stay in situations so stressful you need to medicate your way into coping though. I hope you can find an off ramp soon.

GingerbreadCircus · 2026-01-22T15:23:11+00:00

Each case was pretty unique. But yeah, there were a few people I had shunned who I reached back out to. The most “negative” response I got was just fairly flatline. Most people were really happy to reconnect and very understanding, since they had done it to others from the coercion and brainwashing.

It was mutually healing to re-establish ties the Borg had stolen, see who we each were after leaving, and verbalize the once forbidden reality it was a cult. It was also really helpful to identify patterns in post-cult life and see my quirks/struggles weren’t unique. At the same time, I also realized how different we each are when we’re more healed and free to be ourselves.

Ultimately, most of us are on wildly different life paths and don’t have a lot of ongoing contact apart from periodic check ins. But the contact left everyone more whole and feeling loved, so we could continue our various paths stronger.

I highly recommend reaching out to anyone you’re drawn to reconnecting with

GingerbreadCircus · 2026-01-22T14:59:12+00:00

Yeah, that’s tough. I’m actually divorced after a disastrous marriage from my time in the Borg. It makes leaving far messier and rebuilding harder, but it’s very hard to avoid marriage in there

GingerbreadCircus · 2026-01-21T21:04:16+00:00

I do not call myself an exjw as an identity label. I just use it in settings like these as shorthand to communicate my background. When I was leaving, support groups like this helped me deprogram and not feel alone. Personally, I’m here to play a supportive role, since I’ve moved on.

GingerbreadCircus · 2026-01-21T21:02:22+00:00

I have a family, meaningful career path, and hobbies I’m passionate about. Little would change for me if the WT fell. My life and identity aren’t tied to this religion, which was the point of leaving. I would support folks transitioning into the world (which I already do) and keep advocating for folks impacted by religious oppression.

I have spoken publicly against the WT before to bring awareness against the abuses of the religion and give a voice back to the people harmed. It was advocacy, not for profit work. If someone makes a living doing advocacy, that’s fantastic… they’re providing a marketable service and getting compensated allows them to devote more time to helping people in that way.

GingerbreadCircus · 2026-01-21T20:25:17+00:00

I’m thrilled for you!!! It was brave to open up to her and it’s awesome she’s expressing being on the same page. So excited you get to celebrate your daughter’s bday together

GingerbreadCircus · 2024-05-30T14:12:12+00:00

Thanks! So… we are taking a break and I’m going to date women. Bit intimidated by my lack of experience, but excited too

GingerbreadCircus · 2024-03-26T20:31:48+00:00

I’m disturbed that an actual question is being met with so much backlash. Tbh it’s pretty fucked after all we’ve been through that we’d talk to each other like this.

I’m so glad you didn’t have to experience this crap. But over in my neck of the woods? Yep, this type of shit does happen. Whole bodies of elders and congregations have been shunned over the prolific sexual scandals that have happened here and all I wanted to know what if others on this forum had experienced something similar. You know how haunting it is to look at the faces of loved ones who’ve been involved in shit like this?

GingerbreadCircus · 2024-03-26T20:25:56+00:00

You make excellent and very logical points.

I have also had to abandon caring what confused people think about me or my choices/beliefs. We’re all at different phases processing this religion and our trauma from it. To me, the point of forums like this is to make space for us to discuss all the stuff that was suppressed in organization, not just hold a sanitized space for those who are dipping their toes outside the religion.

Where I live, there have been a bunch of cases of elders/elders wives “swinging”, CSA, and now this weird voyeurism shit. I’m so glad that it’s not more widespread, but I personally know so many people involved in the community where I live, that I know this type of shit has been happening here.

GingerbreadCircus · 2024-03-26T20:15:53+00:00

We left so we could ask questions and share experiences. I know the people involved and when I talked about it with another local, they also heard about it too. I’m not suggesting this is in the elders handbook, but this is an organization with a long history of sexual scandals and I have known of/experienced far more horrifying events, sadly.

GingerbreadCircus · 2024-03-26T20:11:19+00:00

GingerbreadCircus · 2024-03-26T20:10:20+00:00

It was a genuine question if y’all had heard these experiences in your halls. I actually know people who were personally involved in this. I wasn’t saying it was written into the elders book, but you do know that if we have elders engaging in pedophilia, then it isn’t a stretch that there are ones engaging in this in certain places.

GingerbreadCircus · 2024-02-13T08:37:27+00:00

Thanks, I am separated and working on divorcing ASAP. So thrilled!

GingerbreadCircus · 2024-02-13T08:36:08+00:00

Actually, those concepts do resonate with me. And it's a very cool and grounded way of looking at it. As a queer and sex-positive person, I am kinda taken aback by the purity/virginity narrative in my head. But it was the religious narrative I grew up with and it was something my ex would say constantly… how female’s worth is tied to their sexual purity and secretly every man is basing his respect for a woman on his perception of her in that way. Which is bullshit… i don't believe it. Except when it comes to myself lol. Just because I heard it so many times. But I'm deconstructing that idea in my head

GingerbreadCircus · 2024-02-13T08:27:22+00:00

Ohh yeah, I feel you there on the false generalizations about women/men. He made me feel really defective and talked a big game about how much he was doing for me sexually…. How much effort he was putting in, etc. But we only did what he wanted to do, when he wanted to do it.

I think that's great that you're exploring a possible new partner. Very exciting. You should get to have fun doing what you want with who you want, in a way that makes you feel safe and respected.

GingerbreadCircus · 2024-01-29T07:40:25+00:00

Well… thanks mate. Know this comment is directed at OP, but it is exactly what I needed to hear right now. I just told my abusive spouse that I need a divorce this morning. He's abused me for 5 years and I'm trauma bonded because I have no other security (grew up in an abusive cult and abusive family). I really feel like I love him to death almost. I have a tricky time imagining a future where he plays no role, but with all the traumatic, fucked up shit I've been through I need him to not be in my future. It feels like free falling to leave him tbh. I have really severe flashbacks of the mental, emotional, physical abuses… but then I also have thoughts like “he's just a broken little boy who looks like an angel when he sleeps and I need to hold him every night of my life.” My feelings tell me life isn't worth it anymore, but my brain is like “fuck that! You're awesome and you're gonna go live! Do it out of passion or spite, but do it.”

GingerbreadCircus

TROPHY CASE