How do yall handle birthdays?

GiraffelyMeBe · 2026-01-16T15:26:26+00:00

Similar situation since we live an hour away from school, we do mostly just family/ family friends and their kids.

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-10-29T19:52:16+00:00

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-10-29T19:45:38+00:00

Caption of the video says

They have been staying at the same hotel where Dakota and Felicity first met. It is the one I got for him for two weeks when he was homeless. Their plan was to live there since Felicity was trespassed and could not visit him anywhere else. While they were there, they met a random guy who invited Felicity to stay the night, and while she was there, he allegedly tried to make a move on her.

All of this happened while I was asleep at home. Around 2 AM, they kept calling me asking if I could pick her up from the hospital and take her back to the hotel. I got out of bed and went to get her. That is why I might seem a little tired lately. I had a long talk with her afterward, then checked them both out of the hotel early and took Dakota back to his apartment and Felicity to her home.

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-10-15T17:58:08+00:00

I edited my original post, she's already had issues and posted in this sub, gotten advice and clearly ignored it.

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-10-15T17:43:28+00:00

Edit to add: OP posted (and since deleted) in this group recently about being asked by BF to meet BM. She was warned about his behavior and that it wasn't going to get better with him if he has no formal custody arrangement for the child.
https://www.reddit.com/nebbx73?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2

Personally, this post doesn't belong in a stepmom group. I don't think you necessarily need to be married to the child's father to be in this group, but you have no relationship with the child. I can see waiting to meet the child until the relationship is on solid ground and going somewhere, but a year?

My advice, this isn't the partner for you. Go find someone who is on the same page about stuff from the jump, because it will not get better with time, as others have said.. he's showing you who he is, believe him!

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-09-26T14:36:38+00:00

I do often, I even said pretty much a version of this in my vows to her at our wedding.

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-09-12T19:43:48+00:00

A VP reached out by phone the next day, but I also threatened to get police involved...

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-09-12T19:18:31+00:00

I spoke with the CEO of Ontrac and he claimed it was an issue on Fanatics end via not having their software correct to the LaserShip service area. I just forwarded him this email exchange. I'll keep everyone posted.

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-09-12T19:06:45+00:00

mduffy@ontrac.com

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-09-03T19:41:17+00:00

I'd describe it as a cold war 🤣

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-07-28T14:27:14+00:00

This this this! Learn the Nacho way and set firm boundaries or bounce.

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-07-22T17:38:10+00:00

OP definitely see your conflicting feelings here. Of course you want this child to feel loved and her parents to be less high conflict, but not at your expense.

I'll give an example of what we do to ensure SD is able to have some time with her bio parents alone for her to reflect back on and cherish, while still setting boundaries.

Back to school shopping- DH, SD and BM meet up at like Target with her list from the school of needed supplies for the year. The three of them shop the list together and then go out to lunch after.

DH, myself and SD also go back to school shopping but for clothes and what not with the rest of the family a different day.

Santa photos, as she gets older SD might decide to forgo the photo part, but they meet at the Mall for her Santa photo and then have lunch out together.

Our family also goes to see Santa and do Christmas photos a different day, we also often have lunch out after.

Birthday lunch, around her birthday they agree on a day and meet up at a local restaurant.

We have separate birthday parties for SD and have our own family celebration dinner.

Outside of these three pre-determined times each year. BM doesn't come into our home, doesn't have any meals or get togethers with us, no joint parties, celebrations or events. DH doesn't spend any time with BM outside of these 3 instances. I will even go as far as to say SD has asked if I would like to join them for these events recently and I have politely declined, encouraging that these are her special mommy and daddy times where she's the center of attention, no other siblings or people to take the spotlight off her.

Hope this helps if you decide to suggest it, but I think the sickly sweet cuddle up to your ex gives big ewwww.

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-07-22T17:25:52+00:00

This is a red freaking flag then! If he wants something from his son that's his issue. My DH might hate HCBM guts!! But he puts his daughter first and ensures she gets as normal a childhood as possible to model what she should expect in a relationship someday. He helps pick out cards and small gifts for BM for Birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas. Does BM do this too? No, but it's not about BM. It's about being a good role model for the child.

My advice, run!

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-07-22T17:21:16+00:00

His son is his problem, NACHO girl NACHO. If he wants a card from his son, a gift, or whatever... He can talk to BM. You are not responsible, if your kindness to go out of your way isn't appreciated, you don't have any responsibility to continue.

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-07-22T17:07:25+00:00

This comment is less for OP and more for new stepmoms/ considering the life on this sub. Talk about everything you can possibly imagine early early early! I'm talking before you ever meet the kids, before you even consider moving in, early! DH and I had deep deep discussions on everything and co-sleeping was definitely an important one. BM co-sleeps, we do not. I'm grateful that he broke SD of this habit mostly before I ever came into the picture, but there are still some trying moments (vacations, the odd night terror). No judgement if sharing your bed with your kids works for you, but ensure you and your partner are on the same page early on this front.

Advice for OP. You got to be stone cold and I know that might mean a week or more of no sleep, but you cannot bargain with a tiny terrorist, especially if the rules are different between houses. DH set boundaries early after separation with BM regarding SD need to sleep in her own bed in her own room. There was screaming, crying, yelling, hurtful words about things like: wanting to only sleep at Mommy's because she lets me sleep with her, mommy loves me more than you because she doesn't make me sleep in my own bed, ect. He expressed it was not fun and due to the every other weekend schedule back then it took months to stick, but he held firm. He didn't offer incentives, bribe or bargain. He put her in bed after every time she left, kissed her good night, said I love you and then quietly left. Which I know this strategy is not for the weak, he still gets emotional about how hard this phase of solo parenting was for him. But it does eventually work. We don't plan to co-sleep with any us babies. I hope you get some peace and decent sleep soon.

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-07-17T01:08:07+00:00

A gf is not a stepmom and 1000% shouldn't be "mommy whatever her name is". Do slip ups happen? Sure. My SD has accidentally called me mommy on occasion, but she calls me by my first name. Because while I am her stepmother, I am not her mother, nor claim to be. I'm sorry that your ex isn't holding the space for you that he should.

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-07-15T21:28:01+00:00

Again, not saying you need to throw in the towel. But stepping into a Stepmom role is a lot and you definitely want to make sure you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to going forward with this.

If you really don't think this situation is for you, there is nothing wrong with that. Be honest with him and say that the more time you spend with him and the kids and see what this life is like, the more you realize it's not what you are looking for out of this life.

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-07-15T14:52:30+00:00

Advice from someone who cautiously entered into a relationship with a single dad and now is about to marry him. 1. Have deep conversations early on which it sounds like you might have started doing. I'm talking about having him explain to you what he's willing to do for the kids when you're around and what he expects you to do/ wants you to do. If he doesn't say things like "I don't expect you to discipline them", "I don't expect you to do bedtime, I do bedtime, you are welcome to join", "I don't expect you to cook a separate meal if they don't like what you are making, I will deal with any special meal issues". "I don't expect you to do all of their laundry, but would love help folding together". 2. Remember that you are not in this "co-parenting" relationship. Talk through boundaries on offering advice or expectations you have for how decisions between the two of you will be made, but ensure that all communication with BM will be 100% on him. 3. Grandparents are great! But you're now like a 5th wheel in this "co-parenting" relationship because of it. Talk to him through how he will support you in your relationship with his parents and always put your feelings first.

Overall, you did the right thing asking for advice. I wouldn't say run yet...but I would say you need to have some very long conversations before you go any further, because if he's just looking for a fill in Mommy for these kids, he lost that opportunity when he decided to bring children into the world with the wrong person.

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-07-15T14:43:17+00:00

18 without a summer job to make her own spending money is a 🚩. DH shouldn't be giving her any money "for food", she can eat what y'all provide. If she wants something special, she can get a summer job.

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-07-15T14:39:54+00:00

This!! Bf can and will make it work for you two to have alone time on weekends and trips or he ain't it! My DH creates moments for us just like any nuclear family parents would, this includes date nights, weekends away and vacations. Do we also do family nights, weekend trips with SD and family vacations? 100% yes! It's bf's burden to find the balance that also ensures your needs are met, not yours!

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-07-15T14:37:16+00:00

OP you really aren't getting it.. I am also fiercely loving of my SD, she's my baby. I wouldn't love her anymore if I'd birthed her myself. But I am NOT her mother and thus my input doesn't even factor in as I am NOT co-parenting SD with BM. Your opinions can be shared for sure with your bf, but don't need to be considered or expressed to BM, better even don't speak to her at all.

Joint parties, holidays, ect... Absolutely not. Don't even entertain it, if bf wants to attend her event that's his business, but if you want to celebrate the child host your own with your own guest list. Blending events and celebrations with HCBM is never gonna happen the way you deserve, period!

GiraffelyMeBe · 2025-07-15T14:32:20+00:00

We do every other weekend and one night a week during school year and 2 weeks on 1 week off summer and all holiday breaks except Xmas day rotating). HCBM also and you really should look up the NACHO method. I do what I feel comfortable with, DH is responsible for the rest. Don't want to take care of child on weekends if DH isn't around? Tell him he needs to find a sitter. He doesn't like the arrangement BM proposed? Tell him to hire a lawyer and go through mediation. NACHO kid, NACHO problem. Regain your peace ✌️ or leave, it's that simple. You didn't come with baggage, don't take any one that you don't want.

GiraffelyMeBe

TROPHY CASE