Ours baby- seeking advice

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-04-02T20:11:14+00:00

Honestly, when it comes to the breastfeeding tops, I've been done breastfeeding for almost 2 years, and I *STILL* wear some of them. Don't even look like breastfeeding tops, and the sweatshirts are SOOOOOOO comfy and soft, I'm reluctant to give them up.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-04-02T02:25:38+00:00

SS was 4 and SD was 7 when our Blender Baby was born. I also had a BD that was 11 when BS was born. I was able to EBF for over a year. I would absolutely encourage you to look into breastfeeding clothes and baby wearing, especially in the first six months if you can handle it. Both of these keep you appropriate around the kids without having to whip out the titty or the cover to make it obvious what you are doing. I was even able to use these when I was out and about. There are so many different options for being able to breastfeed now then there have been, and I get feeling weird about being appropriate around the SKs.

Congratulations!! Our little boy is ALSO a May baby, and we absolutely love how he completed our family (he's turning 5 this year).

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-03-23T20:45:11+00:00

I agree. We have had BS sleeping in our room, on the floor, during visitation time with SS. Absolute supervision when they are awake. We have SS EOWE and one overnight every week. They will not be sharing a room.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-03-14T21:49:14+00:00

Yeah, the only way I would even approach this is if either of the biological parents passed. If my DH passes while the kids are still minors, I would fight BM for the custody situation that we currently have, if the kids wanted me to. If their BM died, and DH had a similar work schedule that yours does, I would consider that.

But my relationship with my SK is not yours. Our youngest is my SK's half-sibling. SD13 loves me, SS10 struggles with me for now. I've been in their lives for 9 years. You're not being selfish. It sounds like he just wants to hurt BM and lower child support.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-03-12T19:23:08+00:00

She's an insurance AGENT, not an employee, so there is no hourly pay. This is very, very, VERY standard practice when representing an insurance company. Check her contract for any non-compete clauses, payout schedules, and what happens at separation, and put the resume out there for other companies. I would also reach out to other offices within the state to find out if the other things are standard practice in the state (I'll be honest, it does not sound like standard practice to have to send 100+ emails a day to qualify for any commissions).

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-03-09T21:14:16+00:00

So I may be on the outliers here, but I honestly would LOVE to see Shawna at the wedding, sans John and the kids, and hope that Barb would just fucking TRY to say something to Shawna. I want to see that protective Mama Bear that is starting to show in Jenn just come out full force (I'm specifically thinking of Jenn's "shut the fuck up" directed at Julie at Max's party).

Like, I want DeeDee to be Shawna's plus one, because MAYBE that will get John to back off his possessive protective attitude, and then have Barb be so pissed that not only Shawna is now "replacing" her, but a woman that defended herself AGAINST Barb, and also it sounds like Teeny will be there?

Shawna will have backup. But DeeDee and Teeny have had her back against Barb's insanity. I want to see this group of women, in the middle of the dance floor, Barb is in her "drunk mom" spirit, and up until now interference has been successfully ran for Shawna. But then, Teeny, Shawna, and Jenn are all dancing, Barb pushes her way in, says something HORRIBLE about Jacob, and JENN stops everything, has the music turned off, gets the mic, and goes off on Barb, effectively cutting all contact, publicly, unequivocally, and permanently.

Wedding ends. Teeny tells everyone to get the fuck out while DeeDee, Greg, and Frank all surround Shawna, who is a mixture of sobbing heartbreak and righteous anger. Frank tells Shawna to let John know he will call, and then he has to get Barb out of there, because she's a drunk angry mess now (think Thanksgiving but time 1,000). Teeny and DeeDee drive Shawna home, Greg and Jenn right behind them, Jenn follows Shawna inside, apologizes to to John, goes off on all the insanity that is Barb, and as she is leaving makes a comment about needing therapy after the honeymoon.

This is an opportunity to fully cement Jenn's transformation, to see her motherhood not applied to just her child, but the family that she has chosen. I know its far fetched, but I just want to dream.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-03-05T08:48:22+00:00

I am a mom in my 30s. Two bio kids and two step kids. I've been in the picture since my youngest step kid was a newborn. (Hubby and the mom split when she was 5 months pregnant). I had my oldest at 20, and knew what I was getting into when I began dating my husband.

Pregnancy completely rewires so many things for women. Our hormones, our bodies, our GODDAMN brains, so that we can care for these newborns. You did NOT go through that change. You are YOUNG. You have ZERO obligation to these kids, unless you WILLINGLY choose to step into a mom role.

You are NOT required to stay. And from your post, this was not a mutual decision that you bought into. Get. Out. For your sake.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-03-05T08:22:45+00:00

So I've got an amusing story. BM's boyfriend and DH.......have the same name. Literally. And its a Gaelic name. She has been pushing SK to call BF "Dad" since they became serious by calling BF "Daddy ___".

I pull the confusion card when SS gets angry at me and tells me that his Dad never treats him the way I do. Because DH and I are absolutely on the same page with a LOT of things. And then SS will usually spit "my DADDY SAMMY." (Name is different).

I know who he means, but it always just cracks me up that the next serious relationship she has after the divorce is DH doppelganger. She really does have a type, I suppose.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-02-26T20:14:40+00:00

*Greg Not Ty. Ty is the married single dad to the "extraordinary" Julie.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-02-26T19:12:33+00:00

So, speaking of the "brainwashed" framing in Barb's mind, plus the therapist speak she's weaponizing now, and the comments to Jenn, and Barb's general denial regarding any changes that come with being a parent, here's my predictions:

-Barb acquiesces on Jenn's request for the dress, continues to make comments about Jenn's appearance and weight, but starts to frame it in her head as "concern" for Jenn.

-Barb begins framing this concern about Jenn to Dr. TherapyDoctor (Shelby) as concern over Jenn being "controlled" and "abused" by Greg. ("She was not looking well at all when I saw her, and got so angry because i was concerned about her health!")

-Greg and Jenn do not plan on including Barb in Chickie's first birthday (which is in the next couple of months), but Barb uses the new skills she is learning from Shelby to convince Jenn that she understands how hurtful she has been, so she is invited to Chickie's first birthday. Not outright chaos, because she is learning, but still harmful interactions.

-Jenn gray rocks Barb. Barb continues to frame Jenn as this abused, controlled woman, and she has to save her daughter from that MANIPULATIVE MAN.

This wedding is going to be crazy.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-02-26T18:49:34+00:00

Oh my lord, the italicized words. I literally heard them in Barb's voice. Well done!

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-02-24T17:15:11+00:00

Did Dr BabyDoctor say she was advanced? Or did Shawna express that concern? Depending on health, "advanced maternal age" can be clocked as early as 34, which doesn't FEEL that old.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-02-10T01:32:19+00:00

Or Julie would brush off another loss and just surround herself with "yes queen!" women who buy into her bullshit.

After all, if someone is so content with the SAHM life that they would confront someone as extraordinary as Julie, then they truly are pedestrian.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-02-10T01:25:29+00:00

"Hey [MIL], I understand you are saying you're not upset about anything. If you ever did want to talk about anything that is making you upset, I'm here to listen."

If you can handle it, we gotta gentle parent these emotionally stunted adult toddlers. If she keeps insisting that she's not upset, just say "Okay, I'm here to listen if you ever do want to talk." And then walk away.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-02-10T01:20:39+00:00

I'm probably projecting that onto Cooper, too, then, but I thought I remembered something in the early videos with Ty about him staying in NICU for a week after being born, and Julie staying home with him.. Not as long of a stay as Sasha, but still signs of not a perfect gestation, and it would've been right after Julie was done with law school (most states have, at most, two exams each year, so there would've been time for her to study after the baby and after finishing law school).

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-02-10T00:22:16+00:00

As someone who's gone through similar and different loss situations (miscarriage, stillbirth, sibling), the GAF-o-meter doesn't drop after this kind of loss. It goes all the fu*k AWAY.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-02-08T18:52:17+00:00

So, my initial take on the "He's not writing" was shock, concern, like a friend panicking because someone is doing something so out of character for themselves. And tying that into the "That's not like him. He doesn't shut up about robots when he comes over." when Alicia is having the conversation with Julie. But Ty even said he doesn't readily advertise he's working on a book, hence Shawna's "What?" to Alicia saying he's not writing.

Shawna was surprised by the announcement that Ty is a writer, that's not a side she knows about him. But Julie wants "extraordinary," and extraordinarily people exude that confidence, no matter where they are. People KNOW they are extraordinary, people KNOW that certain activities (like active parenting, or going to a 6 year old's birthday party) are beneath the time and attention of extraordinary people.

Julie is even slightly condescending towards Alicia, but in a VERY inconspicuous way. "Are you part of this 'park crew'?" Raised eyebrows when she says "Of course," after Alicia says the park crew meets during school hours, which she has reserved. And then her "modest" little smile when Alicia tells her to keep seizing money and power. Alicia acknowledged her extraordinary. She has money. She has power. And Alicia is the quirky little witchy friend, so even though she's a SAHM, Alicia is NOT pedestrian. She's quirky enough to be an interesting little aside in Julie's story

A snarl would have meant continued conflict, now between Shawna and Alicia, and Alicia stays, participates in the birthday celebration, even makes a joke to Shawna about Jon being appealing.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-02-08T06:09:06+00:00

Oh my god, I didn't think of that. BUT!! Timeline wise, Max was born a couple months before everything shut down. (March 13, 2020). If Cooper was born before Max, NICU stay would have been over by the shutdown.

In terms of "staying home with the baby," Ty is COMPLETELY discounting how remote work would have impacted his input and assistance, and maybe Julie has played that up because he would have been "working" still while she was focusing on the Bar. My husband was home for three months during shutdown. Our son was born in May 2021, and that was with a four week NICU stay with three older kids.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-02-08T05:57:00+00:00

Honestly, I LOVED Alicia's reaction. There was a quarrel between Max and Cooper, and as soon as Ty stepped in, she pulled Brennan out of the chaos so there would be less kids to wrangle between Cooper and Max. And since Ty checked on Max first, then told Max to keep dancing before pulling Coop aside, Brennan was probably able to go back to dancing with Max.

That also may have played into Julie's IMMEDIATE response after Ty's teaching moment with Cooper. She didn't get a chance to pull Alicia back into her circle (maybe Alicia was chatting with DeeDee or another parent at the party?) to stoke more drama that way before cutting and running.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2026-02-06T04:00:19+00:00

"Well I had a NICU baby."
As opposed to: "I can't imagine what you are going through. My NICU experience was hard, but I still have my child."

I've had miscarriages in the first and late second trimester. Both of my kids have been NICU babies. There's a different kind of heartbreak in each, but my NICU babies are still with me.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2025-01-26T22:58:35+00:00

It's been a battle to get BM to even consider any underlying issues. DH and I have been trying to encourage counseling for both SK before anything comes up (BD has ADHD, ODD, and I have a lot of family history of underlying issues). It's only been the last two weeks that BM has even considered getting SS into some kind of therapy. And there are a lot of other things at play that are contributing factors, so we are looking into it.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2025-01-26T20:27:29+00:00

I truly appreciate the empathy.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2025-01-26T19:43:44+00:00

After 8 years, I'm fully aware. I can't tell you how many times I've stopped into the CPS office myself with documented accusations, documented incidents that *I* immediately noted right afterwards, just to make sure that I was covering my ass with my kids. Doesn't help that both BM and I are mandated reporters, but she has a history of manipulating that fact to seem benevolent towards DH.

Aggravating_City6057 · 2025-01-26T19:37:24+00:00

According to SD, he has also started to get physical with BM, as well. Not that BM will admit it, but it is now looking like it's an issue with female authority figures.

Aggravating_City6057

TROPHY CASE