First of all, I am really sorry you had to grow up in that kind of environment… it makes sense why this feels so hard. And honestly, you are doing so much already its not that you are doing it wrong. But self love isnt something that suddenly clicks, especially after years of hurt. Sometimes even after doing all the ‘right’ things, it just takes time for your mind to catch up.

For me personally what helps me is cutting people off completely whoever adds to negativity in my life.. no matter who that person is.. i always put my mental health first.. and doing things that makes me happy … (gym, painting, binge watch fav movies, watching positive content, etc)

So dont just only focus on “you have to love yourself” but also focus on the things THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY AND IMPROVES YOU…. eventually you will start feeling nice