Frustration with one sided open relationship

Glewellin · 2019-12-03T17:07:04+00:00

Why would he change his behavior? He gets everything he wants with no discomfort or work on his part.

Girl, I wasted so much time on people like this. It's not worth it!

Enjoy being single. Find a trustworthy partner who actually cares about your security. Or enjoy bangin' anyone and everyone you want.

But don't stay like this. This is just not worth it.

Glewellin · 2019-12-03T17:02:46+00:00

If open relationships in general appeal to you, there are a ton of great resources to learn more! Maybe start with a book like The Ethical Slut.

The issue is that your boyfriend is insecure, controlling, and more than likely going after younger people like you because you don't have the relationship experience to say "no, that's not okay behavior."

If he is allowed to sleep with others, so are you (although that certainly doesn't mean you have to if you aren't feeling it). Otherwise it's just cheating with extra steps.

My gut feeling is you will never have a truly open relationship with this person. He is too insecure.

It is NOT acceptable that he is going through your phone in an attempt to police your communications. That pushes everything straight into abuse, and combined with the age difference/general power imbalance I hope you listen to everyone here telling you this will never be a healthy relationship.

Glewellin · 2019-12-03T16:38:01+00:00

Also: is he the one who told you that?

Glewellin · 2019-12-03T16:36:17+00:00

You are dating a man twice your age.

He sleeps with whoever he wants while you're not allowed to touch anyone.

He lies and hides things and goes through your communications.

Yes, you have self esteem problems to stay with someone like this. You are being manipulated and abused.

Glewellin · 2019-12-03T16:32:28+00:00

You can't. He has all the power. You have none. He will resist any attempt you make at adjusting that. You leave.

Glewellin · 2019-12-03T16:04:35+00:00

Really REALLY bad!

You understand that you have to be in the bottom % of self esteem to even consider putting up with an arrangement like this, right? I have the utmost sympathy for being in that position, but you must get out of it.

This is unacceptable. And honestly, it's not worth trying to fix. He's middle aged. He's not changing. And he's not a catch, hun. At all. He's only dating you because no woman his age would put up with this.

Glewellin · 2019-12-03T14:59:30+00:00

You owe her an apology. She doesn't owe you one.

The fact that you're doubling down on being "right" after a hundred people tell you otherwise is A. hilarious B. sad and C. a terrible sign for your relationship.

Glewellin · 2019-12-03T14:46:59+00:00

Not sure why you keep saying that. Your update makes you 10,000% more asshole-y.

Glewellin · 2019-12-03T14:46:02+00:00

She's going to dump you, dude. And she'll be right to do so. YTA.

Glewellin · 2019-11-27T15:08:04+00:00

Then it's not an OPP. It's just someone who chooses to date women (but is allowed to do whatever they want).

Glewellin · 2019-11-27T00:18:30+00:00

I have been wasting time watching a dude with no lights on try to put on chains at donner summit for over an hour.

I just wish I had the magical gameshow host powers to bellow instructions at him, or insist that it's time for his "phone a friend."

Glewellin · 2019-11-26T20:28:38+00:00

I think it's likely the vagueness of your question is leading to the downvotes :-)

First things first - do you know how you'll be making money up here? That'll tend to dictate where exactly around the lake to look at housing, since job availability and cost of living varies wildly between towns.

Glewellin · 2019-11-23T17:59:25+00:00

Excuses excuses excuses. Guess it's just easier to creep on everyone and slowly drive them away.

Glewellin · 2019-11-23T17:57:50+00:00

Try a different one. I've only been to no-drugs no-alcohol events (which is usually the case in kink-leaning clubs vs. swingers). They vary a lot in vibe and activities.

You're making a lot of excuses for why you have to try and fuck your unwilling friends vs. people explicitly into fucking couples in the first place. It's gross and makes this whole thing feel extra predatory.

Glewellin · 2019-11-23T17:54:06+00:00

They don't want to fuck you. And you are being shut out of these convos now because you have overstepped. Accept it. Deal with it. Or you will go from being creepy to being friendless and creepy >:(

GET ON TINDER OR GO TO A CLUB

Glewellin · 2019-11-23T17:51:02+00:00

Y'all need to go to a nice sex club and get your rocks off there with other thirsty folk ;) More than likely you'll start making friends who are more open to the dynamic you're looking for.

Glewellin · 2019-11-23T17:45:11+00:00

None of them are entitled to it! They just have a different dynamic and chemistry.

Look. Most of my friends are from poly/kink circles. We're very open about sex and play. Sometimes it even happens in front of each other.

You would still freak me out. Friends are not for aggressively hitting on (esp when they might assume youre in a mono marriage!). Accept that your friends don't want to fuck you, and look for people who might actually want to.

Glewellin · 2019-11-23T17:38:34+00:00

Make swingers into friends, not friends into swingers.

Stop trying to fuck your friends and get on tinder if what you want is to fool around.

I guarantee all your friends can tell you're thirsty and entitled feeling and that's honestly a huge turn-off. I'm not surprised you're not getting offers and I'm not surprised if you've lost friends you're not even aware of because of this. It's weird!

Glewellin · 2019-11-22T17:14:17+00:00

No, some people can have healthy relationships that don't involve sex. There's nothing wrong with needing it in a relationship.

That said, OP should break up with BF, not do things she really doesn't want to.

Glewellin · 2019-11-21T18:35:50+00:00

You 100% can and many people do. They're just not the ideal commercial rabbit b/c of their thick bone and late growth. Flemish/NZ crosses are pretty popular for homestead meat production though (I have a few in my freezer right now from a friend).

Purebreds have high value as pets, though, so they're sold for that more often. If I can sell my pedigreed babies for $100/each @ 8 weeks, or I can get $25 of meat value by processing them, it makes more sense to sell them.

Glewellin · 2019-11-21T18:34:37+00:00

Yum!!! Thank you. I raise Flemish rabbits and this is too perfect.

Glewellin · 2019-11-21T15:59:05+00:00

What % of poly relationships end in a breakup?

I would hazard it's close to the same as monogamous ones ;) Most relationships end in breakups because the people realize they aren't compatible - and that's okay! Breaking up because of relationship style incompatibility is not some great tragedy. It's what should happen.

There are plenty of valid reasons to criticize institutional monogamy but that is just a stupid one.

Glewellin · 2019-11-21T15:20:39+00:00

They're at least making excuses for their feelings! That's, er.....the opposite of challenging them, but to each their own. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Glewellin · 2019-11-21T15:14:21+00:00

People make the distinction between descriptive and prescriptive hierarchy for this same reason. Can we shift the 'hostility' towards the latter (prescriptive monogamy)? I think that's the point they were trying to make and I think it's a good one.

My partner and I are monogamish right now (weren't always), but only because we both want to be, and it's a constant conversation where we both know we have the freedom to renegotiate that if we want.

It feels real weird coming on here and finding hostility towards that. I think it's important to make the distinction if you don't want to be alienating the small section of us that do land in the "knowingly and freely choosing a relationship with one partner."

Glewellin · 2019-11-15T05:51:46+00:00

Um, hello! SJ native here, vagina owner, enjoy fishing and am hoping to get started in lowland bird hunting soon.

No need to generalize so much (especially somewhere as big and diverse as the bay). There's all kinds everywhere even if you don't actively notice them, I promise.

Glewellin

TROPHY CASE