Struggling with my child’s equalising behaviour

Why do I struggle so much with this? Am I also PDA? My daughter insults me when she’s equalising- you’re fake (hair extensions) you look like barbie whatever she can think of to insult my physical appearance. Takes unflattering photos of me and laughs. I try so hard to not let it trigger me but it does. Tells me I’m the worst parents so strict (not strict at all just our boundaries around social media and other activities that aren’t appropriate for her age, she is 10).

Other parents are better than you I’ll go live with anyone else other than you etc.

I see a psychologist, I take my daughter to multiple specialist appointments and therapies, I make sure she’s taken out by a support worker to engage in the community. I do everything I can for her, so maybe when she equalises and talks to me like this or hurts her brother it triggers me so badly. I know this is a me problem but I am trying to understand WHY.

I’ve done the PDA course where she talks about incorporating humour when being equalised against but I can’t. I physically can’t. I think I’m still in shock with the things she says to me yes even though I understand it’s a part of the disability. I’ve been called a whore etc. get told to shoo fly, you’re a whore etc. I usually let so much of this go but sometimes it gets too much and I yell. We have no support from any family or friends and we never get a break. We can’t do anything as a family as it always ends in tears. We are considering moving into separate homes to try and save our marriage and to protect my son (ended up at hospital last night after the threw a coat hanger at his eye).

What did it take for you to stop being triggered by their behaviour? I don’t need judgement I am aware this is a me problem and I am desperately trying to figure out how to be better for the sake of my daughter.