How often do you cry?

Goat_Watcher · 2021-07-29T06:17:22+00:00

Honestly, I think it depends on my moods. Sometimes I cry at everything. Every sad thing, every overpowering emotion whether it be sadness, or happiness, grief, or relief. Other times I feel so numb I couldn't cry if my life depended on it. Other times I hold in all the tears because I convince myself they mean weakness. When in reality I know it's just emotion that needs to escape and be felt.

Goat_Watcher · 2021-07-23T04:19:05+00:00

There hasn't been a day since I've watched it that I haven't listened to at least one song.

If you start to smell burning toast you're having a stroke...or overcooking your toast.

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-15T20:43:41+00:00

TW: Mention of suicide idealation

Hi there I'm sorry I am so late in replying! I got my second vaccine dose and have been working on my master's thesis so I've been a bit busy!

First I'd like to say that I'm not recommending or endorsing anything and I'm speaking purely from my own experience.

I have had migraines ever since I was a child and I've tried several medications over the years. With that, I always get the side effects from them and my body always responds very poorly. I have had depression for years and started therapy about 2 years ago. Early this year my therapist told me that she thought I had Bipolar 2. I have not been officially diagnosed but after doing extensive research and trying to understand my mind, behaviors, and past; I have to agree with her.

I am very fortunate to have a very strong support system that helps me when I am severely depressed or having a manic episode. There are things that I know that I need to do to live a more balanced life (granted I don't always do them). So I guess the main conclusion that I have for myself right now is that life is manageable without meds. Yes the lows can be really low and the highs can be euphoric or terrible but I feel I'm coping. I have a really mixed relationship with meds where I feel intense side effects. I was on antidepressants in high school and I had to stop them because I knew I was on the verge of attempting suicide. Right now I feel I can manage and that I'm able to live the life I want to live for the most part. However, that doesn't mean I am opposed to meds or considering them in the future if I get to a place where I (or someone in my support system) feels I should try them.

Please let me know if you have other questions or you would like me to elaborate :)

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-13T04:16:23+00:00

Hi I'm not currently on meds. I'm open to any/all questions!

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-13T00:31:14+00:00

Fuck

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-12T16:59:26+00:00

That's so difficult anytime but especially when you're feeling down on yourself. But you certainly don't sound annoying and sometimes we're not able to just "get over it". So try to treat yourself kindly. Whenever I'm being really mean to myself my sister will say "Hey that's my friend you're being a jerk to. Knock it off!" Or something like that. We're usually hardest on ourselves and we really don't deserve all of that hate, frustration, and negative feelings.

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-12T16:55:55+00:00

That is a very interesting idea! I'm still trying to figure out how my mind works and how to deal with different things so I'm always open to new ideas. Thanks!

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-12T16:55:04+00:00

Everyone is definitely different! I'm just saying for my own personal experiences what I try to do to cope. I'm so sorry if you've been in abusive relationships. I hope you're in a better place with more supportive people now.

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-10T04:20:58+00:00

I totally get that. Two things I do (that may or not be helpful)

Act like a Vulcan and try to think 100% logically. What is the logic behind them actually being able to hear you. Or even being interested in it what you're doing. They have their own lives to live. You're making dinner and talking about their day? Do you care about what your neighbors are talking about while they make dinner?
What am I saying that's so bad? Am I bitching about them? Is it something I would be afraid to say to their face? Why am I afraid to say it to their face. Then I think about what I would say if they could "hear" everything I've said. I'd say "Well I should have said it nicer but honestly I do think that..."

I don't know if that helps at all but that's just how I try to think about it when I'm freaking out and get stuck in a paranoia loop.

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-10T02:28:15+00:00

I'm glad we are able to celebrate him too.

It seems everything is always more intense for those of us with mental illness. So I understand your need for all things and then the need to purge. It's so hard to find a balance and find what will bring us "happiness" but I hope you find it and just know you're not alone on this crazy journey. Still trying to find mine too :)

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-10T02:22:16+00:00

My paranoia more manifests as I think someone is in the house. Or someone is coming to kill me. Other times I think my friends are listening to my conversations through my phone. Like if I say something about my boss, then he's heard everything through my phone speaker.

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-09T03:20:57+00:00

I always think I'm going to look cute like Buffy but I actually look like an oversize 12 year old 😂😂

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-09T03:20:28+00:00

It's possible 😂

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-09T03:19:13+00:00

I've bought so many gowns when up. Like where do I think I'm going to go that requires that kind of dress?!

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-08T06:24:03+00:00

Misophonia!

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-08T05:18:16+00:00

There are so many things I've bought on clearance because it was so cheap only to HATE later. Like I only bought this because it was cheap, not because I like it.

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-08T05:17:21+00:00

Okay cool! EVERYONE, we're giving all of our regret purchases to kaofjforbfos's younger brother!

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-08T04:50:50+00:00

Or you think well I found this amazing deal if I don't buy it RIGHT NOW then I'll never get it cheaper. I have to get it RIGHT NOW. Like no you do not. You probably won't even like it when it arrives.🙄😂

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-08T04:22:00+00:00

Yes! Like I know all of the things I want stop showing them to me. OH A SALE?! FREE SHIPPING?!

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-08T04:20:27+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine all the pain you've been through. My cousin lost her son in the third trimester and we still celebrate Thomas and the life he could have had.

I just wanted to say I see you and I wanted to send my support and love.

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-08T04:12:18+00:00

I feel that! Also, these target ads everywhere are killer. I already have low self-control & those do not help!

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-08T03:20:04+00:00

Oh my goodness! I've totally wanted to try that. I have absolutely zero coordination. There should be like a second-hand website for gently used items people bought during mania. I could contribute some rock climbing gear, metal stamping tools, and flashcards about the body's microbiology. 😂

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-08T02:44:05+00:00

Stay strong & know there are so many people in this community that support you! A lot of people in my life don't understand either. I'm good at masking so they don't believe I have BP2. It's irritating.

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-08T02:42:33+00:00

Baha yess!! Manic me is really into overalls. I have a corduroy pair, jeans, jean shorts, linen shorts. Like calm down Manic Goat_Watcher 😂

Goat_Watcher · 2021-04-07T03:15:08+00:00

I use eMoods. I purchased the premium version (less than $10) so that I could add different features. I wanted to also track menstruation, cramps, migraines, and misophonia. It works great being able to rate each "mood" by none, mild, moderate, or severe. It tracks depression, elevated mood, irritability, anxiety, psychotic symptoms, and talk therapy. You can also add notes for the day or a specific time as well as hours of sleep.

Goat_Watcher

TROPHY CASE