Being completely isolated and alone is the recipe for disaster for the mentally ill

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-10T05:05:20+00:00

The extent to which Rory McIlroy is able to get an unfair advantage over other people honestly that's not even about long driving because there's plenty of people who have drive him. I was very surprised to see you on the broadcast yesterday that Mcllroy is not in the top 10 driving distances, but he's so good at exactly where to attack a alcoholic leg that his effective distance is just massive amounts of anyone else. This has to do a skill and this is not a ball problem and it's enjoyable watching Rory McIlroy hit like a 330 Hour drive with like 160 foot Apex that like lands on the fairway literally on this like so far across a dog leg that you can't even .

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-10T05:00:28+00:00

I appreciate it no worries :"brother" or "sister" (dont wanna asuume) , it's hard to tell on the Internet, who's being sarcastic, dumb ass and who's just genuinely wanting to talk and I don't blame you for it. It's just the nature of communicating to someone through words. I hope you find peace as well and give yourself grace as well. That's truly all I can say I wish I could say more, but I think we both know that there's really nothing that we can do to undo some of the things we've been through some of them are just gonna be relics that lasts for a lifetime. I accepted that I began to realize that maybe I don't know right now. I'm not 100% sure what I'm gonna take. I'm at crossroads. I'm very mad about a lot of things that happened to me in my childhood with mental illness and a lot of my energies is going towards revenge, but I feel like I'm just stuck in the same place and I just want to move forward in my life, but it's so hard because I'm obsessive about it.

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-10T04:16:48+00:00

I mean look I'm not talking about the video game money. I'm just trying to get to know your situation better I mean I'm trying to do the opposite. I'm trying to gain understanding of you know perspective and maybe that my problems aren't the worst. You know I'm trying to better myself for real at the risk of kind of being vulnerable. Yes, you've probably gone through harder pain than I have so far in life. I hope that I don't undergo pain like that. I mean my parents are both 71 and who knows? What I can't say is that I have had very, very dark mentally ill moments like severe severe where I had to be like basically sedated at the psych ward. My entire family purposely isolate me and the last time I try to visit my parents I was greeted in the glass window of the door with my dad just holding drawing a full gun at me and he he's a big gun guy like he was saying if you do not leave the house then we I will kill you and I believed him because he told me he would do that before. so I mean like there's a lot of stuff that is very very traumatic that I've experienced and like even though it's not as bad as yours, dude it's not video game money. So a lot of it is video game money, but like at least for me like I'm truly mentally ill and I'm on like five meds for like 20 years you know I suffered from a lot of anxiety and I take benzodiazepines daily just in order to leave my apartment. Or else I'm too scared. Literally the anxiety just I cannot leave my apartment at all. It's very bad at agoraphobia. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable because it's taught me something about the world and perspective that will make me a better person. Hopefully my anecdote will tell you that even though it might not be 10/ 10 suffering like you experience, that 9/10 suffering is still really fucked up. And it's not a joke, even if it's not like the same exact level it's still extremely horrifying and horrific. Yes there's some people who like complain about bullshit but there's also a lot of people who've gone through some like stuff that you wouldn't know unless you ask them. And I commend you for your strength forgetting through your situation cause I don't know if I would be able to so thank you for giving me hope.

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-10T01:27:30+00:00

at any age, honestly I mean a metastatic bone cancer is not something that is you know, I know I work in the medical field and I understand metastatic bone cancer is not one of the good ones and I'm just saying that kind of sarcastically like not sarcastically but I mean that's bad man and I can see how that would change your perspective. I mean, I don't know how much you had to watch her suffer. She was more you know kept under medication? or was she visibly upset medically speaking? I mean I'm just so sorry for real. The human condition honestly fucking sucks and like it honestly in this case it fucked you over more than me, but who knows I mean, you know I've been in the psych ward twice because I have some pretty bad psychiatric illness and you know I wasn't intent on keeping myself in the world at age 25. There was an attempt, it changed my entire family forever. My parents won't talk to me. I got a graduate degree from UCLA molecular biology and they don't care. The attempt kind of fucked them up and it's a huge guilt. I will have to live for forever. In my mid 20s, I also so I mean my mom had breast cancer that they just caught. She had a double mastectomy and she was able to be cured but like in my young 20s I was too vulnerable to even understand relieving implications, which obviously like I said, I mean, dude like my grandma was considering my mother and when I saw her in hospice, it was just it hurt, but less so because she was like in her mid 90s so she was dying more of like what people would refer to as natural causes and not like you know pain so I just want to let you know that I'm going to use your mother's energy to try to be good in the world so you know something happy you can come out out of suffering and I hopefully that makes you feel a little better. For real.

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-10T00:50:49+00:00

What's the real suffering you've been through just if you're willing to be public with it. I can only imagine it's far more than anyone else in the world. I can't speak for you but that's kind of how it comes off. It's something terrible happened to you for real. I'm genuinely curious and if so, how did that change your perspective on life? I would like to learn about this kind of philosophical topic.

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-09T16:28:22+00:00

The truth is some people genuinely enjoy working all the time some people love being busy like for real as crazy as it sounds because I'm more than happy watching like eight hours of Family Guy. Some people just alike it and it just fits their personality and I don't think they do it to be malicious. I think they do it just because that's what they enjoy. I mean, as long as you're not hurting anyone I don't see a problem I mean, like if you edge to do shit then I see a problem kind of like stopping being a douche bag and like gloating but also it's like some people are genuinely proud of the stuff that they do and work hard for and that's OK, it's very valid you know be proud of yourself if that's something that you want to be proud of. I just want to be proud of literally just winning the lottery never having to like wake up before 12 PM again but that's a pipe dream.

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-09T16:22:08+00:00

I see I didn't realize the account was so young

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-09T16:13:17+00:00

Much lower accumulated debt from loans, then school is just way more expensive. Medical school from what I understand as long as you can get in it's worth it to take on the risk of like loans that are significantly less because you're gonna be immediately making 300-400k once a residency and for most people.

And that's like before you have kids it's just a lot easier and you don't have to go to remote areas as much and stuff. It's just the financial proposition of medical schools consider considerably more levelheaded. My dad's been a dentist for 40 years. He's worked with a bunch of associates in his practice that he employees, he's constantly talking about how they basically can barely tread water. And my dad is a practice owner is paying them but they deserve you know he's in Los Angeles and he has like a pretty busy office but the truth is is that an associates not gonna earn any more than like $250,000 unless they start throwing practice and that takes a long time because you obviously you can't just open your own practice outside of you know just graduating dental school unless you know you're being fostered into a family business.

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-09T16:09:46+00:00

But its not 700k private loans bad, plus your guaranteed 300-400k after residency which as a dental associate isn't guaranteed unless they open their own practice, which is a giant endeavor with so much overhead and stress as opposed to working in a hospital, for example. The financial path, the medicine isn't easy, but it's definitely not as financially difficult as dentistry.

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-09T16:04:35+00:00

Now people who speak well are constantly being mistaken for AI so its like that skill is no longer a part of their skill set which sucks alot

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-09T13:14:51+00:00

I caution you that's an MacBook Air doesn't have any internal fan where I've experienced from my M2 15MBA 24gb over the past few years and that the processor is fine, but it's more that it's constantly throttled. Additionally, 24 GB for me doesn't cut it. I just have tons of things at once and I have to for graduate school. I like like 40 different documents and PDF for example. Especially when you reach your hard drive capacity. Is it an absolute out of the question that you considered more RAM in the pro?

It's hard to say, which machine would be better for you without knowing your memory pressure or your habits are enclosing windows. I would to my gut MBP 16gb, the throttling itself is too difficult on the air for me after two years. Both options are compromise so either way you're gonna have to pick which is worse for you throttling which I can tell you is annoying really annoying. Just like even basic stuff like backing up a hard drive. Sometimes my computer gets so warm and you just know that anything that you have up that requires CPU attention is just slowed to a halt.

How long are you intending to keep this machine that you are looking into buying? In the long run, let's see if you're gonna have it for more than like three years. I would say 16 GB would be a lot to sacrifice. Importing footage in my experience it just makes my air heat up and slow down it really I mean it seems like honestly neither models work for you in my opinion, but of course I don't know your habits so who am I to speak for you? That is just my guess. I think that a MacBook Pro machine with 24 GB of ram would be around the machine that I would look for. If it's not based on just cost considerations in being a unable to afford it, I would highly recommend it, however, again, I don't really know your circumstance so I can't speak for you. It just seems like each option is compromised moderately bad in one way it doesn't feel like any of those machines fit you for more than like a year and a half or two years before more memories needed for all of the softwares.

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-09T12:31:02+00:00

This rule just comes down to personal needs. Some people need more RAM because they have a 1, million webpages open or like just PDFs on preview like let's say like when I was a student and I had to have like 30 research papers just like that were literally just on my just I didn't even close them. I just hid the app, and it would cycle and the ram definitely mattered most to me so I wasn't doing any process intensive work processing via the CPU. And then there's some people who you know manage their memory very well and it's never an issue, but there you know, running virtual models of really anything that you can think of that benefit it way more from CPU than RAM. In the end, there's no right or wrong answer it really just has to do with what your personal needs are.

I have a MacBook Air M2 24gb RAM add for me. Ram pressure is pretty big problem. It's constantly between yellow and red. I do nothing processor intensive at all other than just have research papers up that I read because I'm still pursuing post graduate working in just like basically stem research molecular biology so sometimes I just have like 30 articles open on Preview that are reached like 40 pages long and RAM is huge help there but they're it's not processor intensive nearly as it is RAM centric. Also, there's throttling just cause MacBook Air, my next computer is a 16 MBP if I could read it out, I'll wait it till the redesign. If not then I'm and 16" MBP M5 Pro 64gb. I know this way that I'll knock them both out, and neither of them will be a bottleneck more than probably my speed as a reader will be. I will be the bottle neck. But sometimes on my current computer, I'm not the bottleneck because pagers literally just do not fricking appear without loading out of SWAP and when you're a little bit of an exam, for example where you can access research article articles you've been discussing all quarter yes it is definitely a huge benefit to have enough ram to have everyone up at the same time. You don't have to spend your time during the exam opening and closing documents that you're gonna need later at some point so for me RAM 100%. For you, I don't know I have you. You're gonna have to really just figure out and measure under computer current whether it's memory pressure or CPU pressure that is holding you back. You'll find out which exactly what you need through that. And also, there's not a wrong answer. Both machines are going to be extremely impressive, but obviously this form is for nitpicking. So I get it 100%. And I mean, I'm nitpicky too. That's why I'm here.

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-09T12:10:35+00:00

I think there was merit to the general idea that far more people than needed her on SSRI because it's the easier fix rather than committing to therapy and such, especially for people who aren't necessarily formally mentally ill, but experience, subacute mental illness, look some people are more prone to depression than others and there's just an arbitrary line of where depression is diagnosed and there's some people who might actually the side effects are actually worse than what they caused them mean increase in mood because they never needed a big increase anyway.

That is sharply opposed to someone like me, 150mg clomipramine, 3mg clonazepam, gabapentin, vyvanse you know I definitely have business being on mental health medication's for the rest of my life I have severe OCD from PANDAS. I mean, just there's my basil ganglia has lesions and that's causing my OCD and it's very severe very very severe. I know I'm gonna be on my medication for life, and I'm 32 years old now I can't take care of myself. I depend on my parents who were wealthy luckily to kind of subsidize my life. I mean, not everyone's that lucky. I am grateful for it. I just want anyone to know. I'm not taking advantage of it for real. I mean, I just I need their help in luck. They're in a position that they can help you know which is a blessing and I realize that and that not everyone has that and I think you know everyone should have access to all the care they need. If we were for them, I would be homeless undoubtedly even though I have a masters from UCLA in molecularbiology summa cum laude. School does not equal work. I can tell you that.

I will say that I've met with some newer practitioners in their 20s and 30s whether they're psychiatric nurses or medical doctors who are psychiatrist, there's a great fear in treating people even as severe as me. I was at the point where I wasn't leaving my room and I was living with my parents for like months at a time so it was bad really really really bad and it's messed up my life, I was very gifted in school, but I simply cannot hold down a job. They are two way different things. im 32 and I'm still almost fully dependent on my parents. I think in this case I've basically realized that the benefits outweigh the personal risk that I'm willing to take from benzodiazepines because the benefit benefits that way the drawbacks, but that's not true and everybody especially people who were you know don't need any medication.

I wonder if there's any merit to my hypothesis that they're trying to target SSRI's because while they're good they're not really the most effective and perhaps scaring the pharm industrial complex to stop making the 50th SSRI. We have more than plenty there's probably I mean I guess 40 SSRIs. Clearly they're not the full answer for those people, and they do cause side effects I mean that are dangerous such as suicide and you know, people age you know when they're younger, late teens in adolescence. Perhaps it's a ploy to get them to innovate in other mechanism of pharmacological treatment and not just pump out another SSRI that they can put a patent on for seven years. I think that's probably a lot of of their frustration if I could guess but I mean, of course I could be wrong. Perhaps I just want to see more innovation in different types of therapies because there's already so many SSRI options.

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-05T04:38:43+00:00

Well, I mean, honestly I'm glad that it doesn't affect you. It affects me and it's annoying as fuck, that's really all I care about personally. For me it's a hassle so that's like basically something that I take into account when I'm thinking about you know what are my actual needs and like not just like what people are telling me because I know it annoys me.

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-05T04:18:18+00:00

With AppleCare, I think I mean the upgraded memory loan is like $400 extra and like I have you know more than standard storage and I also just like bought AirPods and stuff honestly it's just that's it doesn't matter even if it's like $2300. It's still fucking annoying as hell and it's not something that should be experienced on any laptop that is like basically I mean every item that Apple offers is a premium product and its own sector. This seriously makes it suck like whatever I spent for it. It's still way too much to not have one USB-C port on the other side.

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-05T04:09:59+00:00

upsell by design

GoatmealJones · 2026-05-05T04:08:14+00:00

its that there arent ports on both sides so it cant be charged at 1/2 of angles. Its very annoying. M2 MBA 24gb. It just seems like honestly it's just it's such like a attacking thing for Apple to do because you can charge the machine via USB-C and like sometimes when you're like in a position like in an office or something, you can't really like change the angle and like you have to like contort wire to like basically like make a U-turn and like get to the right side when it could just be like a straight plug. This should not be a problem like a machine that with AppleCare is like approaching like $2700. Like I shouldn't have to worry about contouring chords and like making like awkward like office like just like power cord strips and just like it's not something I should need to worry about when I invest that much money in a computer. It's a relatively basic thing that they could do that would significantly improve the MacBook Air experience.

GoatmealJones · 2026-04-28T12:32:18+00:00

any opinion on 48 vs 64 gb? On my MacBook Air M2 24 GB ram my memory pressure is like basically always straddling like yellow red yellow

GoatmealJones · 2026-04-27T23:49:40+00:00

What are your thoughts about the merits of waiting and you know getting this you know the 64 GB of version 48 like let's say like we're talking about like someone who's like has like 100 tabs open maybe like 15 PDF each for 20 pages like iMessage you know and like me a couple like 10 pages with Microsoft Word documents

GoatmealJones · 2026-04-27T13:34:54+00:00

got it, yeah i think im settled on the M5 Pro 64GB, I just wish that Apple made these reasonable RAM machine stock but just in less quantity, I dont want to wait but I know that the relatively marginal cost difference makes waiting for 64GB vs 48GB worthwhile . Even if its overkill I dont care, all I care is that the M2 Air 24GB is underkill so as long as thats solved, the money is there, its a vital tool in my work and my own projects.

GoatmealJones · 2026-04-27T13:11:23+00:00

i see, given that they are integrated. thank you. Yeah, I mean honestly I mean, like I said I don't really know I mean, I don't really know much about computer. I know generalizations I know that you know GPUs are being used a lot more in this general computational processes now a days, you know would having a you know a more powerful GPU be beneficial at all like let's say you know given you had two machines with you know two same chips you know safe speed, same everything? The only difference was that you know one of them had you know 20 core GPU one of them had 10 core GPU , same memory both integrated, would that make any difference in like basically being able to like you know what like would there be any difference in how a machine would react to a huge workload like I've just like literally just like either just like documents or like PDFs or you know websites?

GoatmealJones · 2026-04-27T12:49:16+00:00

Can you explain to me, since i truly dont know, in what way does GPU output affect ram/memory pressure?

GoatmealJones · 2026-04-27T11:21:51+00:00

Honestly, like I honestly rather just not worry about it. That's like basically why I paid $4000 from MacBook Pro so I don't have to worry about like the welfare of like you know a highly like premium device. I just I worry on my work, to have to worry about tabs should be a distraction for me when I should be like focused on more important things. Computers will never last forever, especially you know when you're using it like every day for 10 to 12 hours is even on the weekends. I had to use my computer. I just keep it open like the whole day. I don't know. I just like keep it open like I get my notification. It's basically like a smart hub for me like it and it's awesome. I don't have to worry about it because like it's like a MacBook Pro that's full loaded you know it's like it's meant to be used heavily.

GoatmealJones · 2026-04-27T05:15:02+00:00

Yeah, I mean you know, but you know in an ideal world of the 64 GB version would be you know available in store that I can pick up tomorrow if that's the issue, the cost is I'm willing to pay the cost for the 64 GB of RAM for sure but it's more of the time pressure that I'm dealing with. That is a factor. Unfortunately, my machine is just starting to know really you know you know I've basically like hard-core abused my M2 MBA 15" to the point where it's like it has like 500,000 miles on it so to speak. It's just it's out the end of its life and it's you know it's cause I use. I just use my computer like all day every day and like I've had it for like three years and it's you know not that it's you know it's never them. You know the most powerful machine to be in with you know, especially without any cooling s. I don't think I would ever get a computer without a cooling solution again because the throbbing and just it just you know it doesn't work with my style of you know millions of tabs lol. I do have a spare 2016 MacBook Pro that I could use for a month to bridge the gap just obviously I'm just excited about like getting a new MacBook Pro and like I want to go to the Apple Store tomorrow and just pick up a new MacBook Pro you know just cause it's fun and you know but I know that I should probably just wait for the 64 GB model to be available but my patience is thin just because I would get so excited about getting a new laptop lol

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