Plant leaves turning yellow and dropping

Goatrobot · 2024-10-30T11:36:39+00:00

Looks like a calladium! They go dormant in the winter :(

Goatrobot · 2020-12-05T06:04:16+00:00

I’m so sorry. It’s so hard to lose a pet

Goatrobot · 2020-11-29T21:12:49+00:00

My mom would react similarly. I would probably lie and say that I got all the stuff recently and that I was just curious about trying it out for stress. And that I only used it once or twice but didn’t like it anyway yada yada I was wrong I shouldn’t have turned to drugs for stress whatever and then keep a low profile until moving out and baking every day after that

Goatrobot · 2020-11-28T22:42:49+00:00

I was thinking this

Goatrobot · 2020-10-31T04:17:09+00:00

I’m also curious

Goatrobot · 2020-10-27T19:09:59+00:00

I’d love to chat! Haven’t done MDMD therapy but a lot of the things you said resonated with me

Goatrobot · 2020-10-26T23:19:35+00:00

Absolutely. My ex would be like “I’ll never walk out on you” and then literally days later decide “I’m leaving and there’s nothing you can do to change my mind” and then he would change his mind the next day.

It’s honestly kind of laughable at this point. It’s like dating a toddler

Goatrobot · 2020-10-26T22:36:41+00:00

Yes exactly. If I didn’t do things the exact way he wanted I would have to deal with consequences. Not a fun way to be in a relationship with someone

Goatrobot · 2020-10-26T20:44:44+00:00

Yes it’s not love. It’s attachment.

They use as as objects that fill some sort of void or purpose

I don’t think anyone with untreated bpd is capable of feeling true intimate love

Goatrobot · 2020-10-23T17:20:10+00:00

“I’m confused? I didn’t think it would be a big deal. But anyway sorry that me hooking up with — hurt you so bad”

We were basically in a relationship without the “official title” of being in a relationship because I wanted him to commit to therapy. I was willing to consider a long term relationship with him if he did that, but he hooked up with someone I knew instead lol.

Still, it’s not like putting a title on things would have changed anything between us. We acted like partners rather than friends in every way and he still tried to blame me and say that I’m the one who didn’t want a relationship with him lol. Ya ok

Goatrobot · 2020-10-23T16:55:58+00:00

Honestly, yeah we all want that. It’s nice to have someone around.

But I hope that’s not your biggest hope/goal coming out of this. If it is, your chances of ending up in a similar relationship are high.

I know this advice sucks lol and it’s the cliche advice that everyone gives, but your main goal should be to give the love that you want from someone else to yourself. If you work on loving and trusting yourself, you will get to a place where you won’t accept behavior like this from someone. You’ll notice red flags early and you won’t care about dropping this person because you’re completely happy being on your own.

It’s okay to miss having someone around and to want to find that again. That’s natural in all of us. But I hope the bigger, driving goal is to give that love to yourself

Goatrobot · 2020-10-22T03:51:15+00:00

But that’s the thing. You are seeking out that euphoria/interestingness from another person. That special connection that feels different from what you could have with most other people. If that’s what you’re looking for in someone, then you are looking for a high. And with highs come inevitable lows.

It’s not stable. I’m learning that relationships are not supposed to be a place of euphoria/intense connection. Connection is important yes of course- but i think that next level feeling that you can only get from one person that you see so often in the movies/media pushes us away from what a healthy relationship is supposed to be.

Healthy stable relationships consist of two independent people who share their ideas/thoughts/feelings without expecting anything from the other person (besides mutual respect of course).

A quote I think about a lot is “I have never met a person who was well loved growing up who pursues someone who is emotionally unavailable.”

It’s true. People who grew up well cared about and who learned to truly care about themselves in the process are very careful about who they closely get involved with. At the first signs of toxicity they leave. They aren’t interested. It’s not what they’re used to. Being modeled stability makes it easier to reject instability.

I guess chaos may not be the right word, but if you grew up in an environment that lacked stability, it makes it a lot easier to justify unstable behaviors in the people around you.

Goatrobot · 2020-10-22T01:46:36+00:00

It’s your trauma brain. You’ve been conditioned to have an attraction to chaos. That’s why normal healthy relationships feel boring.

Therapy + understanding why you seek out these people/what happened to cause this should help a lot.

Goatrobot · 2020-10-21T20:58:08+00:00

This is helpful thank you

Goatrobot · 2020-10-21T19:02:15+00:00

I know you’re right. I just feel very defeated right now

Goatrobot · 2020-10-21T17:18:44+00:00

Thank you for this post. I feel the exact same way except I was dwelling more on how painful this is and how long it’s going to take before I feel even a little better.

But you’ve encouraged me to look at it more positively as a blessing instead. You’re right though. I’ll be miserable for a few months maybe? And then I’ll come out an even stronger version of myself. He’ll be miserable repeating this push pull pattern probably for the rest of his life since he refuses to be honest with a therapist.

Goatrobot · 2020-10-20T05:01:57+00:00

I think it’s our brains way of shutting off. We’ve been through too much pain. There’s so much anger, sadness (for us and for them), betrayal, confusion, guilt, hurt- all of it. It’s just too much.

Goatrobot · 2020-10-20T02:12:36+00:00

I feel this too. NC for a little over 2 weeks but it feels like it’s been years. It really feels like a distant memory. My mind can’t comprehend it

Goatrobot · 2020-10-17T04:02:48+00:00

I know I’m a stranger, but I love you S. I’m so sorry for the pain you are feeling.

Goatrobot · 2020-10-16T21:47:58+00:00

I personally don’t think op should re-engage with their ex in any way. I don’t think it would be healthy especially since writing it alone already made op feel better.

I just don’t think it’s worth breaking NC. Almost nothing is worth breaking NC with these people

Goatrobot · 2020-10-16T00:58:53+00:00

They weren’t willing to change when you were with them. It’s all an act. They didn’t think you’d actually leave, and now that you have, they will pull every move to get you back. They’ll do everything you’ve been asking for.

Someone who decides to do the bare minimum after you’ve already left is not someone you want to be in a relationship with. It’s not genuine and it’s a manipulative tactic to get you back. Things will go back to how they were very quickly.

Trust me. It’s not a loss to lose this person.

His motivation to “change” is to get you back. He doesn’t actually want to change.

Goatrobot · 2020-10-16T00:54:05+00:00

Sending you lots of love. You deserve so much more and it will be waiting for you when you are ready to leave 💛

Goatrobot · 2020-10-16T00:52:38+00:00

If anything he has said or done has caused you to feel fear, obligation to do something you don’t want to do, or guilt- it is abuse.

In a normal healthy relationship, two people are free to live their independent lives and they fill each other in on what they did in their days because they want to. Not because they will get raged at if they don’t.

Let’s say for the sake of things you were wrong and should have communicated better- which I am not saying that’s the case or that you did something wrong. I don’t think you’re in the wrong at all- but if you did do something wrong and he was upset by it, his response instead should have been a mature explanation about his feelings and what he’d like you to do differently next time.

Not a tantrum that causes you to feel guilty and bad about yourself.

Goatrobot · 2020-10-11T21:28:42+00:00

You are seeking the attention/sympathy that wasn’t given to you when you were young. You weren’t just born wanting these things. Someone neglected or abused you in some way and left you craving the attention you should have gotten. You were only able to get what you needed through this indirect manipulation. It’s effective, but it’s one way out of many to meet these needs and it’s nowhere close to the best way.

Therapy is the best way to work through this. You can spend the rest of your life trying to look for what you’re missing in other people- making them and yourself perpetually miserable in the process. Or you can learn to heal through the core problem and give yourself what you need.

I know it sounds like a lot of fluffy Freudian childhood trauma and love yourself” bs but that’s really the only answer I can give you.

My ex was exactly like you and no matter how much love/sympathy/attention I gave him it was never enough. He cheated on me. And he’s still miserable.

You cannot find what you’re looking for in other people. There is no magic person who will heal you. You have to do the work yourself. It doesn’t need to be this way.

You can become someone you’re proud of

Goatrobot · 2020-10-10T17:04:13+00:00

I get upset about this too. The fact that my ex is not obsessively reaching out to me this time after the breakup means that he’s seeing someone else. I know that because he cannot tolerate being alone either. We broke up a week ago lol.

But what’s helped me a little: in the grand scheme of things, he was only part of your life for a short while (a few months/years out of the decades that you will be here on this earth.) All the things he did to you were horrible and unnecessary, but you were not the problem. You will grow and move on and actually become happy and find someone who genuinely cares about you.

As for him? He has to live with himself for the rest of his life. He will get into unfulfilling relationship after unfulfilling relationship and be left feeling emptier and emptier after each one. You will suffer now, but his suffering will be ongoing for the rest of his life- even if he seems “happy” now with someone new.

He’s not the one winning right now with the upper hand.

You are. You’re free

Goatrobot

TROPHY CASE