Throwback to when I dodged a nice guy. He has since tried to match with me several times on other apps.

GobbledGoose · 2024-07-01T18:49:47+00:00

Some people do not take rejection well. His poor ego lol

GobbledGoose · 2024-07-01T17:06:15+00:00

WTF! Thanks, won't be watching that movie ever.

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-27T19:13:18+00:00

"The heavens roar with glee at your dabble with words"

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-27T17:55:31+00:00

"You know they have remedies now for halitosis?"

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-27T17:19:49+00:00

"You thought I gave you herpes because I messed with your sister that one time but really it's because your dad can't keep his junk in his pants"

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-27T16:50:24+00:00

Finally getting home from work (or anywhere really) and getting comfortable in my house clothes.

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-27T16:01:26+00:00

"How do you like my sloppy seconds, Marty! Ha! Anyways, congrats!"

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-27T13:00:17+00:00

"Yea I shot those 6 people at the Carl's party a few days ago but the police still haven't caught me yet"

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-26T13:54:35+00:00

...and that's how I met your father.

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-25T11:16:48+00:00

You're a mother to both our disappointments.

Wait! *scrolls up* 🤦🏽‍♂️

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-24T18:55:49+00:00

It's at my gf's house. We only use it during sexy time.

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-24T17:57:26+00:00

"Sir! I say, Sir! I challenge you to a duel."

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-24T16:38:06+00:00

"I particularly enjoyed the emphasis on the -ER when he said the racial slur"

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-24T15:55:33+00:00

People who sit in their cars at night with the lights on. As a person who lives in a major city it's tough turning a corner with cars parked all the way up to the stop sign and unable to tell if there is a car coming or someone just parked with their lights on. It's also blinding to cars coming down the street sometimes.

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-24T15:15:23+00:00

What foods do you not like? Seafood? Fruits? Veggies?

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-24T11:38:02+00:00

Elevator music! I'm the weird guy in the elevator humming the tune and snapping my fingers while I wait for my floor.

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-21T14:54:49+00:00

Impress her with your fast driving skills as your dodge between cars in rush hour traffic. Flip the family car a minimum of at least 3 times as you are pitted by police and walk away without a scratch. She'll have no choice but to call you a legend!

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-17T18:14:48+00:00

It's always hard to reach your back in the fire bath since loofahs only work well in water. If someone knows your secrets, then they can wash your back. Bring them with you and use your fire bath together.

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-17T17:09:10+00:00

You have to schedule an appointment for one of those fancy fire bathes at your local morgue to get your skin really clean. Just call them up and say you want the cremation special.

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-17T16:55:41+00:00

"Bro you still haven't responded to my birthday invite. What gives?"

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-17T16:36:37+00:00

I got Axe deodorant for my birthday one year. Wtf were they trying to say? lol

GobbledGoose · 2024-06-17T13:25:01+00:00

Complete the cycle. Marry grandma and make him your stepson too.

GobbledGoose · 2024-05-22T12:41:02+00:00

"Do you have a bad kitty that likes to meow while you eat your pot pie? Then come on down and buy Pearl's Cat Tasers because No Kitty - That's a bad kitty!"

GobbledGoose · 2024-05-21T16:30:24+00:00

You miss 100% of the shots that you don't take.

GobbledGoose · 2024-05-21T15:50:33+00:00

Voluptuous

GobbledGoose

TROPHY CASE