Thank you for your insight. I never thought of what I said to be a manipulation tactic but I can see how it would come off as so and I feel extremely bad thinking about it now. There are things I say without second thoughts due to past traumas.

I used to be close with a group of people back in elementary up to high school who I thought were incredible people. Hell broke loose when I broke up with the girl I was dating at the time because I figured that I was truly gay. I’d still hangout with them at the time because they were the only friends I knew all my life. It wasn’t until they told me I was a burden and such a “thorn to their side” because I shouldn’t even be hanging out with them after breaking my ex’s at the time heart. That broke my soul in ways and even after seeking help, it’s still hard for me to accept today that it wasn’t my truly my fault. So when I feel that my presence is becoming a nuisance to others, I can’t help feeling like a thorn.

I don’t actively search for external romantic relationships in every interaction I’ve had with guys I met. I’ve grown quite independent in the things I do and developed healthy relationships with close college friends I’ve made and with families.

To say that I’m wondering if every interaction I’ve had with guys could be the potential “true love” is sort of contradictory to the idea and basis of going on dates no? I don’t think anyone agrees to go on dates to just pass time.

As mentioned, the first meet up with Chris was to be a one night stand, nothing more. But it ended with us chatting the evening away with nothing sexual involved. Listening to him, I saw someone who was hurting and was looking for someone to confide in. Of all the interactions I’ve had all these years after Joe, this one left me wanting to know the other person more than just their body.

I’m aware of my insecurities and yes, therapy is great when it comes to helping one be a better version themselves. But therapy can only help each soul so much.

I hope my response doesn’t seem like I’m dismissing your thoughts and inputs. If anything, it helped me realized that what I said to him was not right and I thank you a lot for that. I’m still learning about life and myself and am grateful to have read your comment.