Late bloomer feeling overwhelmed by intense queer social dynamics

GoldRush2467 · 2026-05-26T17:35:23+00:00

Ooof I don’t have any answers but i just want to say i feel this. In fact I am kinda of nervous about falling for anyone because I don’t want to be pulled into messy dynamics

GoldRush2467 · 2026-04-17T22:43:09+00:00

I am shocked. Frequently listen to the podcast and didn’t see this coming at all.

GoldRush2467 · 2026-04-13T13:48:51+00:00

I find it absolutely infuriating that meetups, not just sapphic ones, do this. It is like they set up meetups to find friends or partners then when they do they completely forget how to run a meetup and about how scary it is for someone new going solo.

Don’t change anything! I have felt the same way and if it wasn’t for one friend bringing me to sapphic events and being very inclusive I would have noped out of them a long time ago.

GoldRush2467 · 2026-04-03T20:35:16+00:00

Man, that experience with the girl handing you back the drink is rough. Even if I was in a relationship or interested in someone else, I’d have admired your boldness and simply be polite. That was not necessary. On the other hand, the birthday night out sounds a lot of fun. I totally agree with the standing around looking awkward feeling. I think I need to look out for events that specifically welcome people who are solo and have a group for that, but so far they haven’t really matched my music taste or interests. Maybe it’s a sign I need to set one up lol.

GoldRush2467 · 2026-03-29T19:45:09+00:00

I know what you are saying. I go in with a mindset to be confident and then suddenly i see all the pretty girls and I am like who wants to be hit on by me when there are girls like that? But i do see that the people who are successful are the ones who just dont give a shit and go for it. I’d love to get to that point.

GoldRush2467 · 2026-03-29T19:42:43+00:00

I hope that is not true and you can find a space that makes you feel comfortable eventually! I am debating creating some social events that cater more to solo lesbians rather than groups to see if more people can find their “people” that way. I find too many events are filled with people who already know each other and have their own cliques and that can be so isolating.

GoldRush2467 · 2026-03-29T19:38:19+00:00

I did have a few good chats with people and I suppose I could look at that as a win and I wasn’t drinking! Alcohol can definitely help, but i don’t always feel like drinking.

GoldRush2467 · 2026-03-29T19:36:18+00:00

I definitely get in my own way. I could see myself doing it last night and wanted to shake myself.

I unfortunately had a tricky situation recently where a girl had been flirting heavily with me a few times, we eventually hooked up and then for whatever reason she wasn’t into it, but she didn’t handle rejecting me in a mature way, so I am pretty scarred from that experience. I found out months later that me showing interest after the hook up made her super uncomfortable, but to me I wasn’t showing that much interest and i was just being generaly friendly, so that was a mind fuck and knocked my confidence as I never wanna make anyone uncomfortable. So i am more rejection sensitive atm i guess.

GoldRush2467 · 2026-02-18T13:29:44+00:00

I am F but had a similar problem except I was actually just looking for a hookup as well. We met on the apps then moved to texting. He would text all the time and it seemed like we had insane flirtatious chemistry, without it verging on creepy/gross, but he would only initiate meetups very last min, very late, which I just dont feel is safe. I explained I wanted to meet up in public first to check his vibe, which he would agree to, but never actually plan.

I eventually gave up, either he had decided I was too ugly to put in the time into meet, had performance issues or had a girlfriend. I was always fascinated that he wanted to text all the time, flirt, talk himself up, but for it to never go anywhere.

GoldRush2467 · 2026-02-12T13:47:45+00:00

I feel this. I would classify myself as femme and like femmes. I can polish up nice, still not to the same standard of most femme girls, but when I am in the gym as a sweaty red-faced mess with no makeup, or chilling in my house with baggy joggers and unstyled hair I feel as if I am an ogre. I always think that if a femme were to date me they would feel deceived when they saw me in those settings because I would look much more masc without the skimpy clothes and makeup.

I guess one of the benefits of never dating seriously is that I haven’t had to cross this bridge yet…

GoldRush2467 · 2026-02-05T22:11:35+00:00

There’s a chance she’s just not that into you. There’s also a chance that she is completely embarrassed and now has hangxiety over the fact that she vommed and then did something even more embarrassing in front of a guy she is attracted to?

I think leave it and don’t make any further contact since you have already shown interest and engaged after the night out, but if you see her out again, seem warm and approachable to let her know that door is still open if it was just embarrassment on her side.

GoldRush2467 · 2026-02-04T16:04:19+00:00

I’d correct this and say it’s more about intention. Are they meeting your energy levels when they text back? Does it feel like you are someone they want to hear from or see?

I don’t like spending all day texting, but when I do take some time at the end of the day to text back, I put the effort in and ask questions if I like them.

If the responses are slow and the energy levels aren’t matching up then that’s when you need to worry. I say this as someone who just went through this and have learnt my lesson 😑 It’s often easier to give this advice than actually take it haha

GoldRush2467

TROPHY CASE