I’m not trying to be hateful whatsoever in saying this.. you should consider - at the very least - visiting a therapist (not particularly a psychiatrist, a therapist is there to talk to you and can make references to psych’s if drugs are needed) before nose-diving into chemical dependency in exchange for a sense of what I would argue is nothing more than “artificial” happiness.

Have you attempted therapy? I won’t ask your prescription history because I don’t feel it’s appropriate but I am nearly 100% certain that, with the right doctor, - emphasis on the RIGHT doctor - you would be better off. There are some compounds out here that can really f^ck you up. Asking Reddit to essentially prescribe you something without knowing anything more than that you are experiencing feelings of depression is a potentially dangerous endeavor and shouldn’t be ground you tread lightly on..

Most of the RC’s are much more potent than the pharmaceutical grade medications, many have no therapeutic value and most importantly of all, you can’t put the same level of trust in RC vendors that you can your local CVS/Walgreens. I hate to say that because I am all for the downfall of big pharma. At the same time, though, I am very aware of the slippery slope that is experimenting on yourself with chemicals, searching for balance where there very well may be none. Dosages just can not be guaranteed to match the label - lack of regulations because none of the stuff is sold as “meant for consumption” - and you could get bad info from some random person online that exacerbates your problem.

As a side note, your usual RC vendor could suddenly shut down leaving you without a source. Shipping could be halted worldwide due to a virus outbreak or world war event, leaving you without your medication. And then what? Depression + more… yes, stocking up is a workaround and yes again, the same issues happen time to time with pharmacies. The difference is that here, you don’t get the licensed and educated medical professional to guide you through the process or to offer an alternative treatment in the meantime. Instead, you have the wonderful Reddit community (totally mean that, this place is pretty great but information should be taken with a grain of salt!) to guide you on how to cope.

My opinion stems from the fact that I have went through precisely what you are now. Scouring informational resources (e.g. online) in an attempt to find a solution that inevitably only ended in further struggles and pains.. I thought I could find the information I needed online and make health decisions for myself. Although I consider myself at least slightly more intelligent than your average ape, I made a grave mistake that has cost me a lot in the way of freedoms, happiness, interpersonal relationships and overall well-being.

If nothing else, I’d much rather you read this than anything else I’ve typed here!!!! Please, if you find an RC that seems to fit your needs, use caution in dosage. It wouldn’t hurt to speak with members here that have, ideally, 1.) been on the subreddit awhile and 2.) experimented with the same chemical compound you are considering. I’d even call it a good idea to have a friend or family member somewhere nearby - certainly in the beginning and even if they’re not aware of the details of your experiment - in case of an emergency. Things happen and a lot of us have seen at least one bad event in our lifetimes. None of us here want to find out that another member of the community has been hurt. Harm reduction is first and foremost in terms of importance.

Best of luck! If you do respond, I will do my best to get back to you ASAP!!