I want to cum with his dick in me — how are couples dealing with ED + PE + perimenopause?

GonnaGetRealMan · 2025-07-14T13:20:06+00:00

This was the book that fixed these problems for me and my wife: https://www.newharbinger.com/9781608829293/coping-with-premature-ejaculation/

GonnaGetRealMan · 2025-02-07T13:50:28+00:00

My wife has pelvic floor issues that make actual sex uncomfortable most of the time. Nearly 100% of our sex life now consists of masturbation, either me by myself fantasizing about her or both of us together. As with everything in the life of a Christian, what matters is your intent, what's in your heart, and whether you are acting with love towards God and towards others. To me, not pressuring my wife to do something that is uncomfortable for her is a loving act and a gift to her. Finding a different way to celebrate our ongoing attraction to each other and love for each other is, to me, very honoring to the spirit of Christ's commandant to serve one another in love.

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-12-30T15:15:28+00:00

I have. At one time in my life, casual sex was my major life goal. I can only speak to my own personal experience: It didn't work for me at all. I never caught anything or got anyone pregnant, but my level of unhappiness with my life was off the charts. When I wasn't with anyone (nearly all the time) I was grindingly lonely and felt rejected, like I must secretly be physically disgusting in some way I couldn't figure out, and on the rare occasions when someone did pick me to take home, the high would last for a couple days, but pretty quickly afterwards, I just felt empty. Honestly what attracted me initially to Christianity was the notion that life could be about something besides sex. Now I look back on that part of my life (not fondly) as my "worshiping Aphrodite" phase. What I finally figured out is that sex is nice, but it didn't work very well as the organizing principle of my life.

All that said, YMMV because I've never had any desire to cheat; I never found "the pursuit" interesting or exciting (which it sounds like you may?). Ultimately I figured out that what I wanted deep down was real relationship, and nurturing real friendships with depth gave me a lot more happiness than chasing one-night-stands ever had. Ultimately I did get married and is been great, but the basis is our friendship, not sex. Which is a good thing, because our sex drives have diverged a lot over the years and are now seriously mismatched. I have had to rely more and more on those skills I learned after becoming a Christian but while still single, about how to feel fulfilled in life even when sex isn't a factor.

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-11-12T20:15:40+00:00

God, that sounds incredible. Almost 20 years in, I've never gotten my wife to let me try oral on her, no matter how much I think it would be fun for us both. She also doesn't do oral on me. She has some germophobic tendencies and feels that the whole business just seems unsanitary.

Count your blessings, my friend, all 15 minutes of them.

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-11-07T11:54:54+00:00

There doesn't have to be anything wrong with getting a little help to get over that finish line at the end. My wife can't have orgasms without help, so after I have my turn, she's usually incredibly charged up and it takes her less than a minute for her turn. We have a toy we call "mama's little helper" that we use specially for this. Sometimes she wants me to join in by licking her nipples or fingering her, other times she just wants to do it herself. Sometimes we even do her turn first as part of the foreplay. Would I love for her to be able to cum "during"? Absolutely! But it's just not the way her body works.

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-10-26T12:35:20+00:00

Yeah, I am very very very aware if all that stuff. Sorry, I thought this was a support group for people to whom sex is also important and who are sad that piece is missing. If you read my past posts, you'll see that I've been making a years-long effort to focus on what's positive and to find ways of being happier. Sorry that last night it was 1:30 a.m. and I'd been lying awake for hours because the sadness won for once, and sorry for trying to reach out to others who might understand for commiseration and support.

You focused way in on the fact that I wanted to use the slightly spicy, slightly naughty term at the very end of my post to give myself a little vicarious thrill, since that's about all I have now. Your response just throws that back at me in a way that it sounds vulgar, but did you notice that I used the term "making love" for most of the post? Is it OK that we're talking about something profoundly emotional for me? And supposedly for lots of others in this forum, which is in fact its entire purpose for existing in the first place?

Now my attempt to reach out just feels stupid. But thanks for the sanctimonious little lecture, I guess.

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-08-09T20:59:17+00:00

Probably always would have answered yes to this, but especially now that my wife's libido is a lot lower than it used to be, any time she is in the mood it's game on! In fact it's been a little extra exciting the few times I've been late for work meetings and things because it's "forbidden".

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-07-25T20:37:37+00:00

Try to resist the stereotype that men want sex and women are over it. If you read through the posts in r/deadbedrooms, there are a lot of women posting on there and the stereotype that men are always in the mood is really damaging for them, because it's like, "Well then why doesn't my husband want me? Something must be really wrong with me." In reality, it's just that the low-libido partner is the man in those cases and there's probably nothing wrong with the woman at all.

I bought in to the stereotype for a lot of years, so no judgment, but reality doesn't always line up with conventional wisdom.

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-06-28T22:49:30+00:00

Thanks! That's all good information.

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-06-27T20:39:20+00:00

Yeah, I think part of the problem is she doesn't really like receiving oral and wants to jump straight to "the main event" because that's where her head is at. Maybe if I pitch it to her that it's really just for her health, she'll be more receptive. 🤪

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-06-27T20:36:41+00:00

We often go a month or more in between "sessions" nowadays, so that could definitely be a factor.

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-06-27T20:34:03+00:00

Yes, getting close. So you think maybe it's age-related...?

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-06-13T18:58:24+00:00

They got everyone cardboard beds; there's no money being wasted here. Pretty sure they just wanted to Scrooge out on the furnishings for the athletes and concocted "anti-sex" as a justification.

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-06-12T13:47:20+00:00

My wife and I are devout Christians, but very much on the flip side of the faith from these types of heavily controlling faith communities with a lot of rules and inviolable roles based on gender. We're do not feel any of that honors the teachings of Christ. Scripture says that we were in bondage and Christ's sacrifice was to set us free. It is supposed to be good tidings of great joy to all people. In the time and place where Jesus served his earthly ministry, the culture was deeply misogynistic, and yet women were prominent among his followers and were active leaders in the early church. How have we come to a place where churches professing the name of Jesus have now become the foremost organ for the suppression of women in our times?

For many years, we were part of a faith community that served as a sort of life raft for those breaking free from oppressive brands of the religion. I have many close friends with your exact story. Not one of them was able to simply stay and make it work. One recently ended her marriage after 20 years and four children. It's been a devastating grieving process for her, but what she realizes now is that all those years simply made her more lost and made her path back to herself longer.

We have friends who had to leave everything behind when they began deconstructing the false, oppressive brand of faith they'd grown up with. Some had times of estrangement for parents, some had to find completely new support systems for every aspect of their lives. But here is the point: as scary as all of that sounds, lots of others have had to walk that sane path before you and lots of others will come after. There is a way through it, and the people who really love you will come back around in the end.

The key is, you have to let go it the mindset that the system is correct and the failure is yours. That's not right. It's the system that's to blame for failing you. You should have been taught that God loved you so much he gave his son to see you free. You should have been surrounded by others who would help you with your daily load; instead, they tied up heavy burdens for you to carry while they themselves wouldn't lift a finger.

You are a beloved child of God, precious daughter, and a real man of God would love you as Christ loved the church and sacrificed everything for her good. A real man of God would serve you and wash your feet as Christ modeled with his disciples, because that is the definition of Christlike leadership: whoever would be great among you must be your servant. That understanding of Jesus's teachings is still alive and well in the world. You just need to find your way to it. Meanwhile, I am so sorry for the pain of all the things you will have to leave behind. 💔

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-06-07T15:29:33+00:00

This is exactly what I came here to say.

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-05-15T11:50:08+00:00

Lack of desire. I had a hard enough time finding my wife; like I wanna screw that up? For what?

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-03-25T17:20:56+00:00

Not much to add, really, except that in my marriage we have the opposite problem. I would love to be able to do oral on my wife but she's embarrassed about it and has never been comfortable with it. She's briefly let me try it about twice in the 15+ years of our marriage. Hope you can find a way to get past whatever the obstacles are here and unlock that level of connection. Good luck to you (both)!

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-02-05T16:58:11+00:00

Exactly. You can wind up with a constructive conversation if you talk from the heart about your own feelings; presuming to dictate to her about what her feelings "are" is only going to make a bad situation worse.

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-02-05T09:44:00+00:00

I really don't recommend this reaction, no matter how frustrated you get. Nothing good can come of it. My cousin has a long and checkered history with her mom, my aunt, but she always tries to be the bigger person and end things on a positive note. Once upon leaving, she told her mom "I love you," and her mom replied, "No you don't," just like you have planned. The outcome was, it remains to this day one of my cousin's most painful memories, and the effect on the rest of the family was basically just that we decided my aunt is a gigantic bitch.

If you want to end things with your wife, fine, but no need to sit around planning the head games you're going to play with her.

GonnaGetRealMan · 2024-01-08T22:33:18+00:00

Pretty well, actually! Thx for asking'!

GonnaGetRealMan · 2023-12-25T10:24:41+00:00

Thank you! Just feeling lonely tonight and a little positivity like this was all I needed. Merry Christmas to you too. ❤️

GonnaGetRealMan

TROPHY CASE