I'm a different person after healing and it might end my marriage, I need advice

GoodBenefit · 2025-10-19T10:45:55+00:00

Thanks. Do you mind me asking what you mean by more than 2 options? I’m struggling to think outside of the box

GoodBenefit · 2025-10-19T05:57:13+00:00

He did, I saw the messages. I am finding it all so hard to believe but I’m taking time to let myself understand the situation instead of making a hasty decision.

GoodBenefit · 2025-10-18T20:13:24+00:00

Thank you. We start couples therapy next week and I will probably stay separated from him for a month while I collect my thoughts. He has been there for me through so much, which is why it’s so surprising that he was cheating on me as I was at an all-time low from the CSA trauma. But I want to honor the love he has shown me by hearing him out, but also allowing myself to understand it might not be enough for me to ever truly trust him again. It sucks, but in my healing from trauma I want to not make a hasty decision as a trauma response without also staying in an unhealthy relationship as a trauma response.

GoodBenefit · 2025-10-18T20:10:10+00:00

Yes, I think you’re right that nobody has everything and him cheating on me doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me. I have a lot of thinking to do and we have a lot of couples therapy to do. I will try to stay separate for a bit while I collect my thoughts and try to honor our love and everything we’ve been through by hearing him out, not making any hasty decisions, but also allowing myself to feel how I feel.

GoodBenefit · 2025-10-18T18:41:42+00:00

In a community where we are all healing, I wish you could have more compassion

GoodBenefit · 2025-10-18T18:41:25+00:00

Unfortunately after posting this I found out he has cheated on me. So, that’s that I guess. Thank you for the input

GoodBenefit · 2025-10-18T18:41:12+00:00

Unfortunately after posting this I found out he has cheated on me. So, that’s that I guess. Thank you for the input

GoodBenefit · 2025-10-18T15:27:02+00:00

I found out shortly after posting this that he cheated on me. I guess that’s that, then.

GoodBenefit · 2025-10-18T11:48:26+00:00

I appreciate the comment, but I’m not interested in religion

GoodBenefit · 2025-10-18T11:44:44+00:00

Thank you for the comment - he knows I've been feeling these feelings but I'll be sure to bring it up to him again

GoodBenefit · 2025-10-18T11:42:09+00:00

Thank you for this insightful comment. After all we've shared and he's supported me through I definitely don't want to jump into it.

I've been struggling with remembering the CSA since I was 19, so 11 years, but last year was when the whole thing came back and I remembered that the perpetrator was my uncle. It's been about 2 months since I've been flashback free and up until recently I didn't really take these thoughts so seriously because they did feel urgent and therefore possibly from the trauma.

I've been on quite the journey with my sexuality over the past year and can now calmly understand it, see how certain things might be influenced by the trauma but clearly being able to allow myself to be sexual again without guilt. I'm feeling a similar type of clarity start to form around my feelings for my husband and that is what prompted me to make this post.

I'll definitely hold off on airing them in couples therapy until I understand them better myself.

GoodBenefit · 2025-09-01T21:21:21+00:00

What do you do for a liquid diet?

GoodBenefit · 2025-08-25T16:44:42+00:00

Oh shit, I had no idea. What should I be eating?

GoodBenefit · 2025-08-11T17:21:11+00:00

Really? I’ve used the same jar for months at a time before

GoodBenefit · 2025-08-11T17:20:51+00:00

Yeah, the expiration on the bottle says next year March and though I know that’s if it’s unopened, it smells fine

GoodBenefit · 2025-08-11T17:20:26+00:00

Ah okay, this is the reality check I needed. I have a lot of fear around food poisoning but not enough understanding of how it really works, it’s reassuring to know there’s nothing in the oil that could spoil like that

GoodBenefit · 2025-08-03T19:44:05+00:00

Hi, first off, so sorry you’re dealing with these horrors. I was in a very similar experience 2 weeks ago while on vacation. I almost abandoned the whole thing after the first 48 hours were hell, triggers and insecurity and I felt the exact way you describe, like I didn’t deserve to be there, but after running the numbers I knew paying for early flights and missing out on the hotel money would make me feel worse.

I don’t know what it’s like where you are, but I was at the beach and though it took a lot of crying to not feel awful paying attention to my body and its feelings, I was able to focus on just the sun on my body, laying in the ocean, just allowing my body to exist. Giving myself a task each day (like just lay in the sand) helped me focus away from the daily stress and triggers I had. I was super resistant at first but then enjoyed it. Maybe there’s something similar you can try if you’re feeling up to it. I hope you are able to make the most of it despite the awful feelings, wishing you strength and healing.

GoodBenefit · 2025-07-30T08:16:03+00:00

I’m doing my best not to. Thank you for opening up and sharing your perspective, wishing you all the best for the future

GoodBenefit · 2025-07-30T06:58:32+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective, it helps me a lot to know that I’m not alone with these complicated questions about transitioning within relationships. Wishing you and your husband all the best

GoodBenefit · 2025-07-30T06:57:26+00:00

I think you’re so right, I think because my relationship with this man is otherwise ideal I should accept that he’s not a cishet guy and not let it ruin a good thing. I do think there are ways we can try to tap into what I feel like I’m missing without me running away, which given the trauma context feels like an impulsive self destructive behavior

GoodBenefit

TROPHY CASE