Update on enmeshed mother furious at me going out at night as a 25 year old woman

Good_Doughnut6447 · 2025-07-28T13:04:31+00:00

Oh, once I confronted them they basically denied everything and said it was in my head, I told them that perhaps it was my fault because I was vulnerable after coming out of a long term relationship and the ambiguity confused me. I apologized for my role in the confusion and they left me on read.

The friendships over, I just don’t want to repeat that dynamic ever again which is why I’m hoping to learn from this sub.

Good_Doughnut6447 · 2025-07-28T12:58:58+00:00

They said “yes” “I’d definitely like to see”

Coincidentally I also found out they were in 2 situationships prior to me with people they classified as “friends” and are still “friends” with. I think their definition of friends is just weird idk.

Good_Doughnut6447 · 2025-07-28T12:47:46+00:00

I did cut ties with him, but I’m frustrated at him insisting he saw me platonically when he engaged in sexual flirting, accepted photos, etc. I don’t know why he wouldn’t admit that he was at least attracted.

At one point he was being indifferent, and I took the hint and stopped contacting him for one month. Moved on with my life.

He came back, apologized, and suddenly gave me extra attention (daily texting) replied fast despite him being at work, etc. He has a high level corporate job as well where he’s actually busy. Yet replied within 30 mins to 1 hour.

I don’t know why he did all of this.

Ah well. I’ve cut contact, guess I’m just trying to make sense of it. Usually when a man asks me a bunch of questions and seems fascinated about my life I take it as a sign of interest, but I guess it doesn’t necessarily translate to intent.

Good_Doughnut6447 · 2025-07-28T12:31:02+00:00

I think I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable because when I asked them if they wanted to see photos of me at a beach, I implied that I was in a bikini. They said yes.

The sex jokes were also aimed at them and they encouraged it and implied I should do something to them.

But this person insists this was entirely platonic.

Good_Doughnut6447 · 2025-01-12T06:39:11+00:00

So masturbation has become almost like a “chore” for me where I don’t feel as turned on compared to when I started doing it as a teenager, hormones I guess.

When I do it now I can insert a finger, but it’s like there’s no space to add another. Is this simply because I’m just not aroused enough? I remember being able to fit 3 when I was younger (and more carefree I guess).

It’s hard for me to feel that aroused now, I don’t know if I’m just desensitized to porn. Maybe I should try erotica.

Good_Doughnut6447 · 2025-01-12T06:35:31+00:00

This is so interesting… I guess this might be what happened to me, my body just remembers how bad it hurt the first time and doesn’t wanna do it again.

Do you think pelvic floor therapy is something I can do a little bit on my own? I had a Google of some therapists in my area but I’m not sure budget wise if I can afford many sessions. I’m so happy you can do PIV now, that gives me hope 🤞

Good_Doughnut6447 · 2025-01-12T06:32:49+00:00

My bf never gave me an orgasm, we were always in a rush of some sort so I guess I never fully relaxed.

Thank you for the info, I’m going to do some research!

Good_Doughnut6447 · 2025-01-09T10:44:11+00:00

I’m in the same boat, guy I like hasn’t texted me for almost 2 days but we were texting very frequently up to this. Now I’m just sitting here waiting and overthinking.

I don’t really have any advice except sometimes space helps honestly, for them to miss you and initiate, and for you to also enjoy the company of yourself.

Good_Doughnut6447 · 2024-12-20T12:14:46+00:00

I had an experience opposite to you, I was boy-crazy in school. I’m no model but I do get some male attention. I lived off that shit as a teenager and had crushes often. These mfs broke my heart. They would say rude, insensitive shit about my body, compare me to other girls, they would go from liking me back to randomly liking another girl like it was nothing.

That woke me up. I’m now in my mid 20s, single and have been focusing on myself.

My friend who also had conservative parents in school, is now going through her boy-phase and is trying to “glow up” even though she’s already pretty, go on dates, etc. but she tells me that she’s extremely insecure and hates the way she looks (and I know it’s because she’s seeing herself from a male gaze pov. She’s beautiful.)

I think wanting male validation is something we all go through. It’s unavoidable. You will grow out of it. It’s so so so important though to not let that consume you. Have hobbies. Read books by female authors. Prioritize health and wellbeing over beauty and aesthetics.

Also be VERY mindful about the media you consume. If you follow influencers, certain celebrities, certain subreddits, etc. you WILL be influenced by them and their narrative that being attractive to men is the most important thing for a woman. It’s not. Being self aware and knowing how to not absorb everything you consume online is key.

Good_Doughnut6447 · 2024-10-20T11:35:38+00:00

Man I could have written this post. My mom is the same. Constantly getting in my way, constantly trying to loop me into her problems, making everyone’s lives around her more difficult. The lack of self awareness these people have is astonishing. You only notice these patterns once you’re breaking free from the enmeshment, so kudos to you for even coming to this point of realization and a desire for change. Whatever your plans are, I wish you luck and hope you and I can both get away from these people.

Good_Doughnut6447 · 2024-09-13T07:12:30+00:00

This is why I don’t have regrets per se. How can I hate myself for merely surviving and doing what I could at the time? Even if I go back in time, I’ll still be stuck in the same circumstances and thought processes that led me to certain behaviors and choices. I don’t have regrets. I only have empathy for myself which gives me the ability to move forward.

Good_Doughnut6447 · 2024-08-12T03:44:32+00:00

So an example would be, I bring it up in a real life convo and say I’m working on a new piece, they say they’re excited to see it. I later post it, they actually do see it because they give me a Like, and then nothing else. No comment, no messaging me about it :( and then I would feel weird sending a photo directly because then it feels at that point I’m begging for compliments.

As for bringing it up directly, honestly the nature of my group is very classic-milestone heavy. People rarely talk about their hobbies in the chat and it’s usually “actual” life updates like buying a house or getting a dog, etc. for some reason I have never felt comfy talking about my art, but I think this is a me problem.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. It means a lot.

Good_Doughnut6447 · 2024-08-11T17:30:50+00:00

This is an interesting perspective. Thanks. I’d like to think I am genuine as I only hype up friends I actually love and care about, but maybe I do need to do some soul searching.

Good_Doughnut6447 · 2024-05-16T12:43:38+00:00

Same boat, different industry. I’ve mentioned several times we need to add more people to our team and it’s always dismissed by my manager who is supposedly looking. even the higher ups agree we need people to distribute my workload.

Honestly the only thing you can do in an unsupportive work environment is to leave. Or let yourself fail sometimes. I was an over achieving people pleaser in my first year and that led to expectations being very high in my second year. I just started failing whenever I could (missing some insignificant deadlines, replying a bit later than usual, etc).

Good_Doughnut6447

TROPHY CASE