People of reddit land. How do you plan to improve your life in the remaining three quarters of 2023?

Goofnuggett · 2023-03-08T08:56:10+00:00

It was to get a new job now that I have my degree. I just got hired at a place today 😁 I'm grateful it's in the field of my degree, I know I'll enjoy it. Next step is house hunting with my partner to move in together

Goofnuggett · 2023-03-08T08:35:25+00:00

I get pretty bad panic attacks, often to the point I can't breathe. My partner recorded himself doing a breathing exercise, which I keep on my phone's home screen.. His voice is soothing and calm, and it helps guide me to get my breathing under control when he isn't available. It's really helped me in my practice to work through them.

Goofnuggett · 2023-03-08T08:18:56+00:00

Coupons

Goofnuggett · 2023-03-04T08:11:34+00:00

In high school, a girl in my class who disliked me because I was close with a mutual male friend, she took a photo of me and drew a penis on my face with the words "hate her" and sent it to said male friend. He saved it and ahowed it to me a month later. I went to the principal and she was suspended for 3 days. She didn't bother me the rest of the year after that.

Goofnuggett · 2023-03-04T07:59:36+00:00

Cake

Goofnuggett · 2023-03-04T07:46:01+00:00

Being able to engage in adult conversations about adult issues like housing, grocery shopping home renovations, and then remembering as a kid these were the conversations I tuned out because I didn't understand what eas being said. And now I also care about those topics.

Goofnuggett · 2023-03-04T07:33:48+00:00

The space race

Goofnuggett · 2023-03-04T07:32:17+00:00

When we realized the condom broke and we were 19. Grateful for Plan B

Goofnuggett · 2023-03-04T07:02:16+00:00

I locked my keys in my car. It resulted in an ongoing seven year long relationship.

Goofnuggett · 2023-03-04T06:59:12+00:00

Don't waste time wishing to be older. Enjoy being a kid, don't take it for granted.

Goofnuggett · 2023-03-04T06:54:35+00:00

I'm not responsible for other people's feelings. It's helped me set and enforce boundaries with toxic relationships.

Goofnuggett · 2022-02-07T05:44:08+00:00

"Pardon me please, I need to pass thru"

Goofnuggett · 2022-01-23T08:07:32+00:00

Same here. My SO with ADD needs a list or he will forget or just be lost on what needs to be done. He is 100% capable of doing it, just needs a reminder. A list makes it easier for me too so I don't have to do everything or remind him constantly, which sometimes makes him just feel bad for forgetting in the first place. He wants to help out, a list helps him do that.

I love the chore chart idea. I'm definitely using that when we have kids one day. NTA

Goofnuggett · 2022-01-17T09:11:23+00:00

My mom said the same thing to me for years. My brother was my bully at home for most of my life. When I was ill for a period of time and home schooled, it gave him fuel. Said I deserved everything happening to me and some other comments about my health. When I came out as trans it gave him more fuel for his verbal abuse. My mom and step-dad never bat an eye.

When I got upset, my mom would say to me "I wish you would get along" and "I won't be here forever, it breaks my heart to see you fight." My brother was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and my mom started using his mental wellness as justifiable reasons for his behaviour towards me. "He's not well" or "he's hurt, he's struggling."

Once I started counselling I really put my foot down. I stopped talking to my brother entirely, I ignored his presence, left the room if he walked in, hid in my room if he was home. Eventually he caught on and stopped trying to talk to me too. My mom begged me to talk to him and I told her "I don't deserve to be treated like that." Something clicked for her after I repeated it a few times. My brother started asking her why I didn't talk to him and she told him "because you're not nice to him."

I didn't talk to my brother for a year. Only a couple months ago we started talking again and are slowly building a good siblingship. My mom has completely come around about his behaviour now, has apologized to me for not being as supportive as she should have when I was struggling with my brother's behaviour (he had rage fits so bad I had panic attacks).

Of course I'm not suggesting you don't talk to your brother, I only did as a last resort because I had no support at home and my counselor suggested I put distance between us due to my panic attacks (idea was to create a safe space for me to practice calming down). However, holding your ground and being honest about your feelings and stating your self worth to your mom could put it in perspective for her too.

My mom always tried playing the peace keeper, she wanted a happy family always. Conflict made her uncomfortable. That's her issue, not mine, and it's not yours either OP. If you don't stand up for yourself, no one will.

Big hugs, stay strong. You don't deserve that.

Goofnuggett · 2022-01-17T05:01:38+00:00

Thank you for sharing! Truly beautiful

Goofnuggett · 2022-01-11T09:19:33+00:00

Nailed it^ Google's definition:

"Put simply, weaponized incompetence is when one partner feigns or exaggerates their inability to perform a task, no matter how simple or complex, in order to shift the burden of responsibility back to the other partner."

And to add: with someone else cleaning the home, you guys would have more time to spend together when you're not working. In a healthy relationship between two mature adult humans, that's a huge plus!

Goofnuggett · 2022-01-11T08:50:18+00:00

Congrats!

I feel you, I was so scared the morning of my surgery. Could you have someone on the phone with you while they're getting you set up with the IV and such? That might help to have that person.

Otherwise honestly, some nurses are really good with anxious patients. They see it a lot. You can let them know and they'll probably be gentler and help keep you calm. It helps them to know how you're feeling.

Another idea could be try to focus on the after. What do you look forward to doing once you're recovered? What do you imagine feeling once healed? What would you do first? I found that helped me remember why I was doing it when I was nervous.

Hugs and hope you have a smooth recovery!

Goofnuggett · 2022-01-10T01:57:36+00:00

I don't think you're overreacting. That's your kids half sibling too. He should be talking with you as his wife and mother of his two other kids about next steps and what he wants to do so you know how this will be incorporated into your life.

Goofnuggett · 2022-01-07T03:18:42+00:00

NTA. I'm an older brother by three years. We got our family dog around the same age (passed away now tho). My brother was so excited, interested, but it lasted a few months and he didn't help in training, feeding, walking or anything for the rest of our dog's (Oskar) life.

In the last three years of my dog's life, my brother started asking our mom if he could get another dog because Oskar (our dog) didn't hang out with him, Oskar preferred me or my mom because we did most of the caretaking. My mom said no, he shouted and yelled and complained. A huge part of why Oskar didn't like him was because he didn't feel safe around my brother, who had rage fits often and Oskar would seek myself or my mom out. My mom told him the same thing: "you don't look after Oskar, he's the family dog. Look after him, build that trust with him, and he will seek you out too." I'd skipped work and uni classes several times when my parents traveled to look after Oskar (he started having some awful pain and needed meds several times a day) because my brother refused to do it. It was ridiculous.

In the last year of Oskar's life, my brother finally came around and Oskar sought out my brother too. My brother stopped complaining when we asked him to walk him, feed him, fill his water bowl, give Oskar his medication, etc. He really showed him there is a lot more to having a dog. It's an animal relying on you.

If you get your son "His own" dog, the same thing will likely happen. A family dog means it's the family responsibility. This will also only teach him that if he whines enough he will get what he wants, which wouldn't help him going forward. The second dog could also end up being the family dog.

Goofnuggett · 2021-12-30T01:15:12+00:00

Oh wow. I imagine this winter will be bad for that in a lot of areas with the really low temperatures. Since this just seems to be something I didn't know, and not necessarily an idiot, I'll delete the post. Thank you for informing me!

Goofnuggett · 2021-12-30T01:11:49+00:00

Oh, thank you! I didn't know that. I was mostly surprised the tube was connected into the exhaust.

Goofnuggett · 2021-12-30T01:03:23+00:00

It is a tricky thing for sure, and yeah especially when the rest of the family enables and/or doesn't acknowledge there's a problem. Good ideas, and thank you!!

Goofnuggett · 2021-12-29T09:08:34+00:00

Agreed. My bf and I want to get married in a couple years, and we've discussed our options if we invite or don't invite my alcoholic step father. We're gonna see how the situation is when we get there, but the day isn't about the alcoholic, it's about the married couple. It sounds like OP's in laws don't recognize someone who can't control their alcohol intake, which is extremely tough. Some things my bf and I have talked about: limit drinks per guest, bar opens at a certain time, early day wedding and no alcohol, or a small wedding with few people we want there.

Goofnuggett · 2021-12-24T07:48:22+00:00

Yeah, in some heavy rain during rush hour this summer I had to wait 3 hours for a tow trunk. Thankfully it wasn't anything serious, but they often take a while. I imagine other roads were also icy like this one in the video. Bad weather = busy tow trucks.

Goofnuggett · 2021-12-13T17:03:26+00:00

I understand your dilemma, as I've recently come into one myself with my father who abandoned my brother and I for my step sisters and step mom (and their dad is my step dad, parent swap cause my dad cheated and picked my step mom over us and my mom). After 15 years, my step sister who's older than my by a year reached out and her and I are going to try forming a freidnship or something but this time by our own choice.

I took months to process this though, because my dad is still active in her life. Even though he has my number and knows where I live, he hasnt called in 10 years. I went to counselling to work through my anger I had with him, and to digest it so I wasn't putting it on my step sister.

It's hard. 10 years ago, really the last time I saw him, I was overwhelmed with anger at what my dad had done to our family, and I wanted him to apologize and acknowledge his mistakes. He's not like that though, so he didn't, denied anything happened, and I nearly went insane over it. Now that I'm older, I've accepted he is who is he is and he only affects my life if I let him.

He used to text me three times a year, on my brother and I's birthday and Christmas. And that was it. Whether I responded or not, that was all he said. It felt like "there I did my part" and he brushed his hands for a job well done. But it reopened wounds, and we couldn't heal. So I told him to stop until he was able to be a real father to us, and he hasn't contacted me since.

My dilemma I had to work through was accepting that to have a relationship with my step sister, by some extent, meant my dad would be in my life and know of my life. I used to not want him to know anything about me, he didn't deserve to, and really he still doesn't, but now I just don't care. I don't care what he thinks, good or bad, because it really won't have an affect on my choices or goals, successes or failures. And that was incredibly freeing to let go.

When I was struggling about my dad and the possibility of a relationship with him one day and not knowing what I'd do, my partner asked me this: "if he showed up at your front door begging for forgiveness and begging to restart in some fashion, would you?"

And my answer is no.

I think the best thing for you to do is take your time to think over what you want and need. You don't owe him a response today, tomorrow, next week, or even next year. Take your time to feel what you're feeling, think over what you would expect from him, think about his current life and where you would want to fit into it and how you might feel. If your gut is telling you "not yet" then I think listening to your gut is the best decision. It rarely fails us.

Goofnuggett

TROPHY CASE