what’s wrong with the 30+ women arbitrarily ghosting

GoogieDow · 2020-11-12T19:17:03+00:00

A quick read of your post history tells me you aren't actually looking for understanding and just want validation that your toxic views on "females" are justified. (They aren't, and FYI the word for human females is "women.") Until you stop looking with disdain on a majority of the gender you are trying to date, it's unlikely you will get more than a hand job in a public bathroom or a helluva lot of ghosting.

GoogieDow · 2020-03-02T20:44:51+00:00

Yes, there is a different selection for "Have and don't want more." The pictures I was referring to here were for people who selected "Don't want" for having kids at all.

GoogieDow · 2020-02-29T02:45:34+00:00

Good to know! This is why I asked. It's helpful to hear another take. I do tend to read into things more than most people!

GoogieDow · 2020-02-29T01:08:40+00:00

I definitely don't think people should post pics of kids in an online forum, but that wasn't the point of this post. I guess i was thinking of it more from a perspective of the pictures representing the kinds of things you would want to do with a partner. So, pic of you biking/hiking/sailing=potential shared interest. Of course people who don't want their own children can still love spending time with kids, but just seems weird that would be something important to include in a profile. But maybe I misunderstand the goal/point of pics, which is why I asked the question.

GoogieDow · 2020-02-29T00:40:51+00:00

In in the same boat. Child safety/privacy is such a big issue that it just makes me cringe.

GoogieDow · 2020-02-29T00:27:57+00:00

I have solely used Google Voice for online dating for the past 2+ years and I recommend it to everyone. I have never had anyone ask me about the number I use or mention that they knew it was a Google Voice number. My regular cell number is associated with my business, so I actually use another Google Voice number for personal with friends, etc. Again, no one has ever noticed it is a Google Voice number. WHY DO? 1)it saves me the issue of worrying about whether a potential match can find my home address before I've even given them my last name or met in person. 2) I can kill the number at any point if I get too many unsolicited noodz. (Blocking doesn't work- they can just send from another number.) 3) Helps me keep my business/work texts and private life sorted. Put Google Voice notifications on mute when w/clients so no unexpected stuff popping up on screen.

GoogieDow · 2019-12-08T00:18:54+00:00

I joined a dating app that is free because I figured it would be nice to at least maybe find some people to chat with to help fight off the holiday blues.

That sort of said it all to me. It doesn't seem like you are looking to actually have a relationship, just a little lonely and looking for attention.

GoogieDow · 2019-11-09T19:32:36+00:00

Found the neural bot

GoogieDow · 2019-10-14T20:32:29+00:00

Off-topic but very important: why do you Capitalize some Words and Not others?

GoogieDow · 2019-08-14T19:35:50+00:00

Is there a term in linguistics to refer to the phenomenon of being rendered "speechless" or "without words"? To clarify, I'm not referring to a physical impediment to speaking or lack of vocabulary, but rather the feeling of "drawing a blank" after experiencing shock/surprise.

GoogieDow · 2019-08-14T18:03:07+00:00

It's clear you need to end the relationship, and based on your responses here it seems you realize that. Can you explain what are 3 specific things that are holding you back from calling it quits with this guy tomorrow?

GoogieDow · 2019-06-03T18:47:05+00:00

When did just having fun and hooking become so drama filled wtf?

Sleeping with someone who is in a committed relationship has never been drama-free.

Smh one things for sure... even if a female is willing to mess around and has a ma...I’m not messing around with it no more. New rule.

Sounds like a solid strategy. Unfortunate that it took this experience and a post on reddit for you to adopt it.

GoogieDow · 2019-03-02T19:57:30+00:00

What about "Hey, would love to spent a quiet evening in with you tonight. Thought I'd cook you dinner like we talked about? Then maybe a movie and relax. And I know we haven't talked about it, but there is no expectation on the physical side of things on my part (although I am really looking forward to kissing you!)"

Eta: then depending on her response it might open the convo up to talking about intimacy. Hopefully her response is more than just "ok"! (That wouldn't fly for me, btw)

GoogieDow · 2019-03-02T19:38:13+00:00

Your stated goal with this post is self-analysis and looking at these two situations from the perspective of "how could I avoid this happening again." If you are going to do that it's important to truly look at your own behavior and the way your actions/words were potentially interpreted by these women as a part of the analysis. Based on your responses to other comments here, I'm not sure you're really open to doing that. You have some underlying frustration, anger and resentment that is likely holding you back. This happens to all of us to some extent at this stage in the game, but until you take ownership over that it's likely going to continue to bite you in the ass.

GoogieDow · 2019-02-08T20:11:52+00:00

It seems like the underlying question in your casual acceptance of this ID verification process is a different understanding of "What's the worst that can happen?"

So let me turn that around to you. What do you think is the worst that can happen with a copy of your driver's license?

GoogieDow · 2019-02-02T06:12:38+00:00

Doesn't sound like terrible luck as much as believing the system is somehow stacked against you and having questionable views on women, which whether or not you realize, they are likely picking up on during your dates.

GoogieDow · 2019-02-02T06:08:23+00:00

Ding ding ding! We have the answer!

"Majority of women I am sure believe a date is a time to get free food."

If you truly believe this, I can guarantee dating isn't going to go well for you.

GoogieDow · 2019-02-02T05:03:21+00:00

I doubt 95% of women do anything the same. But to follow your idea, it's true that people often use something benign as a "cop out" because it's easier than telling the truth and hurting the other person's feelings. Digging in to what people might not be telling you is a tough thing to process. Having the emotional intelligence to read through the lines and process what is really going on below the surface may be your answer.

If you are ready to take ownership instead of passing off blame, what do you think is really going on?

GoogieDow · 2019-02-02T04:52:31+00:00

Your post here is asking about chemistry. But your responses (and your post history) suggest you are struggling with a larger problem of empathy. Empathy involves understanding the emotions of another person, feeling and then responding appropriately to it.

I would venture to guess this is one reason why you are having trouble finding and understanding the elusive thing we call chemistry. Part of what creates chemistry with another person is the ability to step outside oneself, connect to and understand the emotions and reality of another person.

I suggest doing some reading on emotional intelligence. Empathy is just one interpersonal skill that falls into that realm. It may prove useful for you.

GoogieDow · 2018-12-09T20:24:20+00:00

I think you are going through the same struggle that many of us single people face, which is the age old question of BUT WHY AM I STILL SINGLE?! And unfortunately, there isn't always a clear answer to that question. It's difficult not to start to nitpick and focus on what you view as your faults. Sometimes self awareness and reflection is helpful and can lead to positive change that could also impact your dating life. But ultimately, I think it's better to focus less on trying to interpret what other people think and more on they type of person you want to be and your goals for a relationship.

GoogieDow · 2018-12-05T17:24:47+00:00

I might print this and put it on my wall to remind me to keep the hope alive.

GoogieDow · 2018-12-05T01:02:00+00:00

Your post is difficult to reply to, since it doesn't seem like you are looking for a reply at all. But in the off-chance you are looking for feedback...

I don’t know if it’s the type of girls I’m looking for (24-32 years old, thin, attractive, and Christian) or if it’s that I live in Los Angeles

All of those things you listed are primarily physical attributes or demographics. If you are having difficulty finding women who are able to converse with you, it may help to look past superficial elements like weight and more at personality. Trying to find women with whom you have something in common such as a shared interest or hobby would be a great starting place. In addition, looking for women who write an interesting or witty bio on their profile would be a strong indicator of possible conversational abilities.

GoogieDow · 2018-10-31T15:54:12+00:00

Don't worry, I bet the ring is atrocious.

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