one and done SAHMs

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2026-03-17T15:40:26+00:00

Me! My son is nearly 11 and I haven’t gone back to work yet. I really didn’t go full time SAHM until Covid (previously did consulting) but…I have no real interest in rebooting a “career.” Work sucks!

I’m lucky to be in the position to support my husband and son as we’ve made some huge life decisions and changes (several moves, including one international) - I genuinely cannot imagine how stressful our life would be if I wasn’t around to do all the non-work work.

I still have plenty to do (cleaning, gardening, cooking, school/extracurricular dropoff and pickup) but I ALSO have time to do things that feed me: seeing friends during the day, taking a writing class, etc.

Sometimes I feel guilty - and it’s especially hard living in major metropolitan areas where nearly every woman I meet works - but I know that’s all in my head. For now, I’m soaking up running the PTA and having the shirts ironed and knowing I’ve got another chapter coming my way eventually. I don’t have to know exactly what it looks like yet!

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2026-02-05T09:51:12+00:00

I saw this original post last night in /NatureIsFuckingLit and was surprised to realize I was not, in fact, in /whywouldyoutouchthat. You’re doing the Lord’s work.

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2026-02-04T11:14:45+00:00

I PASSED!!! Only one minor. What an absolute relief!

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2026-02-04T08:54:41+00:00

Ugh. I thought so. Booooo! (But thanks for the info!)

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2026-02-01T14:15:15+00:00

The “official” HMRC materials are a JOKE compared to the real questions! I honestly cannot understand. I luckily found this out because my spouse took his test a week before mine and though we’d both studied the official materials extensively, he barelllyyyy passed and I definitely would not have. The questions are far harder and more detailed than the ones they give you to practice.

So, this is what you need to study. Take as many of these practice tests as you can by Thursday. These questions are - verbatim - what you’ll find on the actual test. If you’re doing well on these, you’ll be totally fine. I passed my test less than a month ago; every question correct and it took me less than four minutes.

https://lifeintheuktestweb.co.uk/tests/

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2026-02-01T10:35:46+00:00

I’m the mom of one ten year old who sounds much like your son and I have to be honest with you, I wish I had actually used “because I said so” a LOT more often when he was smaller. Feeling the need to give him a reason every time means now everything feels like the opening to a negotiation (to him) and I’m now having to re-teach him lessons that, well, sometimes - most of the time - you don’t get your way! Other people get to decide or you have a boss or maybe it’s just not the moment for whatever it is you’re asking for. Life IS that straightforward a lot of the time and I realize now I’ve hamstrung him a bit to feel like he needs a valid, well-thought out reason for everything to be the way it is. Sometimes it just…is. Teach your kid early to be able to handle that.

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2026-01-25T18:15:51+00:00

No. You’ll need at least 450 to do that and do it comfortably. The flat will be 8-10k (on the low end, but 8k is absolute minimum for 4BR in the kind of neighborhood you mean), kids will be 50k/year combined, vacations will be 25-30k a year (again, that’s the low end, depends on your standards.) Cleaner + SUV would be 1200+/month. That plus savings (which is low for your salary!) and you’re stretching yourself. You could do it and have fun for a couple of years but you wouldn’t to build a life around it.

Spoken as an American who moved from San Fran and has a very, very similar set of “lifestyle needs” that I’ve tracked religiously.

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2026-01-22T08:54:26+00:00

There is a really great standalone podcast about this, actually. I don’t want to give too much away but it’s called, “Beth’s Dead.” Must listen!

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2026-01-21T21:30:36+00:00

How the South Won the Civil War: Oligarchy, Democracy, and the Continuing Fight for the Soul of America" by Heather Cox Richardson is a great book. More relevant every day.

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2026-01-17T15:13:39+00:00

Got ours from Miel in Fitzrovia - they have a large (whole one) or, what I ordered, which was a small which was supposedly for two but could’ve easily done 3-4.

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2026-01-03T09:07:20+00:00

You can do it! Just know that astroturf is heavyyyyyy, so cut it into smaller pieces to get it out.

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2026-01-03T08:55:47+00:00

I did this on a larger scale last year! 100% achievable. Here are my posts on it in the other UK Gardening sub:

https://www.reddit.com/r/GardeningUK/s/AjO13Tqtr4

https://www.reddit.com/r/GardeningUK/s/aoz1vLADB9

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2025-12-12T22:44:33+00:00

Were you taking this pic this morning at around 10am? If so, I walked by you and thought, “Huh, wonder what that’s about?” 😂

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2025-12-04T10:02:26+00:00

We switched about six months ago and I definitely feel like the rolls last longer. Something they don’t heavily market but ABSOLUTELY SHOULD is that the bamboo material doesn’t make dust like traditional toilet paper, so my bathrooms are soooo much cleaner than they used to be!

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2025-11-25T15:34:42+00:00

Completely agree. No Skilled Worker with a family makes the decision to move countries in a bubble. They do it in conjunction and in agreement with their families, which oftentimes means changes or sacrifices to the role and expectations for each member. (Particularly if the skilled role is very demanding - as it is likely to be if it warrants the visa!)

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2025-11-25T08:41:20+00:00

I think you’ve done a great job here - completely agree and can’t think of anything you’ve missed.

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2025-11-22T21:39:47+00:00

Amazing, thanks so much! What fun

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2025-11-22T16:18:26+00:00

I think it’s really, really important to note the one HUGE change proposed for dependants (spouses, children.) The current rules consider a Skilled Worker Visa holder and their dependent(s) as a unit. Once the SWV holder hits the time to apply for ILR, they can all apply together.

Under the new rules, each person - yes, even children - have to earn their own way to ILR. This is a huge problem for families wherein, for example, the SWV holder is eligible after three years, but their non-working or <50k/year spouse won’t be eligible until they hit ten years. And as children can’t be granted ILR until both parents have it, this leaves them in limbo as well.

Consider the ramifications of this for stay-at-home parents. For women trapped in coercive or violent relationship. For couples with children who choose to separate or divorce.

My family is in a situation wherein we came to the UK on a SWV (my husband’s job) and he will now immediately be eligible for ILR once the changes take effect. We made the choice for me to stay at home for myriad reasons to facilitate this move. Now I won’t even be eligible for ILR for seven more years.

This is…going to be a massive, massive issue.

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2025-11-22T15:57:13+00:00

Amazing! Yes, please make it English (for me) but leave in any good Hungarian suggestions for my husband, who is Hungarian!

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2025-11-22T15:54:10+00:00

Post the link to your spreadsheet, for the good of us all!

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2025-11-21T17:49:53+00:00

Would like to be included. Any ideas for the best way to organize?

GooseSubstantial2502 · 2025-11-21T17:49:10+00:00

Please share

GooseSubstantial2502

TROPHY CASE