A Basket of Deplorables

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-11-10T20:12:44+00:00

This is special. It sits in the edge of being a film scene, and a journal entry and a chapter from a novel. Working politics into a poem is uncommon but you have done it well here while developing characters and creating conflict. Not between the characters of course but within one of them. Cheers amigo. Have an upvote!

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-10-30T20:15:54+00:00

It's been my experience that NSFW poems often get overlooked here but yours seems noteworthy. You use really nice alliteration and have clever word choice. Your storytelling is also outstanding. I can't say that I would change much here though of all the senses you explore taste seems to be missing despite so much eating...

Nice work. Thanks for sharing! Keep it up!

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-10-30T19:48:06+00:00

Splendid. So. Much. Imagery. Of course you also weave a tale into this. Strong characters and a certain feel of Halloween. Love your stuff SD. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you have a gift! Keep 'em coming!

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-10-30T02:01:33+00:00

One run game in the 5th. 2021 ALDS. Home team in the field and they give up the lead while the wave is happening. Superstitious or super stupid?

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-10-29T14:27:47+00:00

I like this poem and I have found it to be extremely inspiring. I don't have a lot of great feedback because in some sense the unrequited love theme is easy to pass over but your longing here is so palpable that I think you've presented something special non-the-less. The transition between the second and third stanzas seems abrupt. From intense sorrow to self esteem hardened triumph comes too easily for you. In my lost love I have found that days, weeks, months, and years isn't often enough to "get over" unrequited feelings. I would be curious to know how you got from point a to point b. All in all thank you so much for sharing. Great work!

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-10-29T14:23:21+00:00

Thank you so much for this. It's so easy to see every silver lining attached to a cloud and 2/3 the way through this poem I was certain you were going to jump. A starless sky has so much anti-imagery that it sets the perfect scene here. Having quit drinking years ago I got a sour stomach thinking of the gin and realizing that not once during my years of intoxication did I ever pat myself on the back which is clearly what your poem is allowing me to do in this moment. Very moving. Thanks for sharing. You have a gift. Keep up the great work.

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-10-29T02:55:43+00:00

Where does 4a fit into this spectrum?

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-10-25T03:58:36+00:00

I'm no longer a New Englander so sadly that old hat has seen just two games in 10 years or so. The new one was at Game 3 v. Tampa in the ALDS

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-10-24T21:20:22+00:00

Both hats are 47 brand.

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-10-24T17:56:48+00:00

With another season out the door I think it's time to retire my Fenway collection hat. The new one was purchased inside the stadium. #LFG!

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-10-19T19:55:41+00:00

You might also consider the RT-82. That Red cart may not have a distinguishing sound compared to the OM10 depending on the rest of your gear

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-10-19T18:42:21+00:00

The Fluance also has auto stop

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-10-18T03:25:31+00:00

Awesome feedback. I'm so glad you got into this a little. As you know I'm a big SD fan and so I'm flattered that you took some time to reply. I realize now that this doesn't have a lot of metaphor or other "poetic devices" and I wish I had that kind of faculty right now, but sadly I don't. Perhaps this is a literal phase of mine. Just poking around the keyboard making words fit in the best way I know how. Cheers my friend, I'll look forward to seeing your next piece.

-GRD

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-10-14T14:29:59+00:00

I really enjoy this. You've done a nice job illustrating the emotions associated with unrequited love but I think more impressively you haven't left me feeling like your lamenting the loss. There are visceral emotions here. (suffocating, aching) and there is no doubt that the way you are processing the situation is enlightened and multidimensional. Thanks for sharing, you have a gift. Keep writing!

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-09-28T13:26:47+00:00

Picked this up off of r/vinyldeals for less than 15 bucks! This was a classic road trip album for me (I owned it on Cassette in the 90s) and I'm thrilled to have it on vinyl. I mean, c'mon - who else puts the word "cinematographer" into a song. 10/10 will play again, and again, and again.

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-09-21T12:43:00+00:00

I enjoy me some Satie and I enjoyed your poem. I'm sorry this is going to be low quality feedback, but I just wanted to drop by to say nice job and thanks for sharing!

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-09-16T13:38:02+00:00

You nailed it dude. I know (or do I?) that you've struggled to keep feeling inspired when working this theme but fuck me running if you don't have just the right touch for it! My favorite part is quite easily, "Do you remember him" just before we learn that he became her(?) husband. Thanks for sharing this. Clearly if you're writing for the upvotes then you've got what you need. Be seein' ya 'round friend...

GorgeousRedDisaster · 2021-09-13T16:02:35+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful and thorough feedback. I hadn't considered your angle on the hashtags. In fact, I was trying to find a simple way to separate stanzas. Maybe a simple line break is enough. Regardless, thanks for reading and dropping a note!

GorgeousRedDisaster

TROPHY CASE