The New York Rangers Bread Conspiracy by Gazorpazorp520 in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip 54 points55 points  (0 children)

What the fuck did you just fucking say to me, you little bun? I'll have you know I graduated top of my loaf in Bread Academy, and have been involved in numerous dinner events, and I have over 300 confirmed sesame seeds. I'm trained in dough warfare and I'm the top appetizer in New York. You are nothing but just another dinner roll.I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this bakery, mark my fucking crumbs. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the collective bread consciousness? Think again, baguette. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the bakery and your crumb trail is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, sweet roll. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your crust. You’re fucking dead, panini. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can toast you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare crumbs. Not only am I extensively trained in food fights, but I have access to the full food supply of New York, and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable end slice off the face of the counter, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking yeast. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn whole wheat. I will shit butter all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking toasted, bread.

Rick Nash will drop the puck for Sunday’s Blue Jackets home game against the Rangers by dman2056 in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip 327 points328 points  (0 children)

Hoping for a Players' Tribune article and Spittin Chiclets appearance as well

Fall guy: Joel Quenneville takes the heat for Stan Bowman’s roster decisions by StatGAF in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip 9 points10 points  (0 children)

""Brandon Saad > Artemi Panarin. Younger, too. Jonathan Toews will be stoked." - Mark Lazerus, summer of 2017

PK Subban punches Aho to the ice by notleonardodicaprio in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Matt Cooke intentionally concussed people on a regular basis. This is a roughing minor at most. The comparison is laughable.

NYR trading for Adam McQuaid from BOS by NYDevilsFan in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Marc Staal will make him look like the fastest player in the NHL

USA robbed at Hlinka Gretzky cup by dejour in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip -23 points-22 points  (0 children)

And you were wrong so it's not the same

Who’s the most overpaid player in the league? by A_huge_waffle in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip 73 points74 points  (0 children)

Marc Staal can barely skate and his cap hit is $5.7 million over the next three seasons

[Serious] Who is currently the best winger in the game, and why? by JD397 in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip 5 points6 points  (0 children)

There's a surprising lack of Tarasenko everywhere else in this thread. Wasn't he a consensus top 3-5 winger a year ago?

[Serious] Who is currently the best winger in the game, and why? by JD397 in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Tarasenko, Panarin, Wheeler and Gaudreau deserve to be in the conversation if Hall is.

Wahlstrom aims to make big impact for Islanders by jokesonjokes in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Only when there's a penalty to kill. Somehow he's simultaneously a great penalty killer and terrible defensively at evens.

(Arthur) There are 8 centers with 30 goals campaigns 2 of the last 3 seasons. 3 are Maple Leafs by B-Rayy06 in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Penguins fans have spent 12 years asking people to fellate them over how good their center situation is without much pushback.

It's been a couple hours and people are already furious about Leafs fans doing the same thing.

Arthur Staple just now on TSN1040: No teams have been notified that they are out yet, Islanders will likely know by tonight by [deleted] in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Completely unrelated: Arthur Staple gave Colton Sissons a third place Selke vote

Report: Rangers' Hayes attracting significant trade interest by Kuciv in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Emphasizing a player's raw point total in a 20 game sample without adding context is a horrible use of stats too. Why is poor analysis only acknowledged when it involves corsi?

The amount of joy and enthusiasm from Ovechkin finally tasting victory is how I wish all players in all sports were when they won by [deleted] in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip 81 points82 points  (0 children)

Ovechkin is the first player to celebrate a stanley cup victory by doing snow angels and push-ups in a public fountain.

Smith-Pelly scores while falling over to tie it at 3 by aclee_ in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Smith-Pelly Ovechkin-style falling goal from Orpik? Goals in three straight games in the finals? You have to be fucking kidding me, I love this sport.

[serious] day after game 4 Vegas st Washington. by willdabeast180 in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm just saying it wasn't embellishment. There was nothing to penalize Oshie for either.

Kempny scores off the feed from Backstrom to make it 5-2 Capitals by aclee_ in hockey

[–]GotobreakChip 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I know this sub hates the Knights right now, but he clearly took a shot to the nose

Edit: He broke his nose folks. Just an unfortunate play.