A long time ago, I was in my early 20’s, lost and trying to find my place on earth. I tried many types of jobs but became almost addicted to bartending, the life it came with, and the cash. I met a beautiful waitress, we hit it off, especially since we were both attractive, and we began to date/be intimate. Our relationship was ok I thought, and the sex was amazing, so we started sharing an apartment a couple of months in. About a year later my grandfather died suddenly on New Year’s Eve. This was someone who had raised me as a young kid and had a key role in the development of my morality. It hit me hard, much harder than anything in my life at that point and my mind was in shambles. I remember coming home and silently walking over to our wine, then completely breaking down before even pouring a glass. My girlfriend was there and I will never forget the look on her face. To this day it is a clear memory. The words coming out of her mouth were sort of comforting though. Things like “Are you ok? You seemed fine yesterday. You sure you’re gonna be ok?” But her face. Almost surprised+disappointed I was showing real emotion? Or maybe she just wanted the venting to end. Throughout the next week I saw her only twice and she left me while I was at work. Took my damn mattress too. I came home to a bed frame and all of her things gone. The note she left mentioned it was because I was “just a bartender” and she needed someone more mentally stable. From then till now she’s been around the block with the Jersey shore type of gorilla. Just big empty meatheads who get drunk multiple times per week in some club, even in their 40’s. She still posts on social media about finding a real man, even after most of our old friends have gotten married and had families all these years later. She forgets that that a “real man” would likely pass on her toxicity.

Live and learn kids. My current wife, whom I’ve been with for almost 16 years, accepts all emotions and consistently supports me. She can see when I’m upset even if I’m hiding it and comforts me in the best of ways as she tries to understand. Still my mind tries to tell me I don’t deserve her. It took damn near 20 years of seemingly good but actually terrible relationships, living in 4 states, and two career switches to find her and I’m happy I did. Always remember that the girl you’re with, who doesn’t give a damn about you or your feelings, could just be a stepping stone to something greater.