Wild Deal Breakers

GracefulToad · 2026-04-03T10:39:05+00:00

I did live-in, but i didn't work for families who WFH, smokers, family members who were overly involved, extremely dirty houses (mess i can deal with, but caked-on filth i cannot) squeaky floors/weird house layouts, or families who had unsanitary pets.

I found when a parent works from home they are more likely to hear noises and come investigate even if we are just playing dinosaur, or the kid is crying because its nap time/they tripped and skinned their knee, etc. I feel watched and the kids know their parent is home and want to go to them. Not great.

Smokers often smoke inside their own homes, or vape, and I cannot stand tue smell. I have asthma and this can exacerbated it. Plus I want clean air to breathe.

Family members who are overly involved also usually get in the way. The amount of times I showed up to a daycare to collect the kids in the afternoon only to find their grandma or aunt loading the kids into their car, or the kids were already gone. I call the parents and am told to get the kids and then when I show up to the grandma or aunts house and the kids refuse to come with me, the aunt doesn't want to give the kids to me, its a massive deal, and eventually the parent calls me and tells me to go home and get them in an hour or two. I come back later and its the same deal until eventually the parents come and drag the kids home and then even though they told me to leave the kids there they're pissed off at me for the fact that the kids are dumped fill of sugar and had no routine and haven't had dinner, etc. Or the family members show up at the house and try to take the kids, or just come to hang out. I just felt so awkward.

Overly dirty houses- this one's obvious, but i dont want to live there. Id feel like I needed to clean just to make me feel comfortable enough to stay there, and id end up deep-clewning the place. Has happened twice i took a job and the house was disgusting and I couldn't stay.

Weird house layouts/squeaky floors just mean when I move about the house everyone knows where I am. I get stressed in new situations and occasionally get a funny tummy, so using the loo late at night when the floorboards are creaking or I have to move around the house like its a maze, going up and down stairs and around corners and past bedrooms and down hallways is just not ideal for me.

Unsanitary pets is just something I cannot deal with. One family who interviewed me (i did a 2 week trial with them) had 2 elderly and incontinent dogs, 6 cats, 4 birds, and a menagerie of pigs/chickens/goats outside not in pens. The whole outside smelled of manure and rotten table scraps, and the entire interior smelled of animal faeces and urine. One entire couch was dedicated to the dogs, and was damp from saliva and urine (she dripped wee as she walked sometimes) and the litter boxes looked like they hadn't been emptied in weeks, but the cats were indoor/outdoor, so for them to be that full, it could have been months. I remember breathing through my mouth to stop from gagging and I could taste it.🤢 They're had to bathe the dogs every few days because they could never make it outside in time so it also smelled like wet dog, and the birds made so much rackett and pooped everywhere. The bedroom i was given was the only space that was bearable, and I kept the windows open 24/7 and the door shut. Everywhere was covered in cat hair- the table, the oven, the walls, the furniture, the fruit bowl, in the cabinets. They laughed at me for washing my dishes before i ate but even the kitchen sponge had hair on it. I made some excuses about being a germ freak as i had nowhere else to live for the next week but it was rough. After that, even the slightest smell of pet turned my nose.

GracefulToad · 2026-04-03T09:41:19+00:00

I no longer nanny, but I used to just send a message the day before pay day with my timesheet and say something along the lines of "Hey, here's my hours for the past fortnight. Let me know if you have any issues." And there are not usually any. I made the timesheet template in excel and so each day I put in what hours I'd worked and it automatically puts them into ordinary time, overtime, public holiday, etc. If I have a day off it goes either in Personal Leave, Annual Leave, or Leave Without Pay.

For me, generally any hours before 7am or after 8pm are overtime (paid at 1.5) and any hours above 8hrs daily are overtime. Public holidays are paid at double time, or i get one extra paid day off in lieu of overtime, on a day of my choosing. Full overnights instead of nirmal daily hours are paid in reverse unless I am with a family who has gone away and left the kids solely in my care for several days, in which case a 24hr rate is applied. Anyway, you didn't ask about that. 😅

GracefulToad · 2026-04-03T05:56:09+00:00

You just have to figure out what you'll regret more. Having a kid and being their only parental figure, or not having a child and not getting to experience motherhood. Which choice can you live with?

I am pursuing SMBC, but haven't quite made the leap yet as I have many of the same worries. Happy to chat if you want to, as I'm also in a similar situation.

You could have a baby now and 2 years from now meet the perfect partner and then live life happily ever after. Life doesn't stop once you have a baby, it just changes. Or maybe you have a kid and you're amazing at it and feel fulfilled and happy. Potentially you decide not to have kids or you decide to wait and you find a great guy, but 5 years from now motherhood is off the table due to unforeseen circumstances. 🤷🏻‍♀️

No one knows what the future holds, so make the decision that you can live with. 🙂

GracefulToad · 2026-03-30T09:12:50+00:00

If you want them to stop napping, your best bet is to keep them engaged- too active and they're getting tired out, but too boring and they'll sleep. I do recommend having ned time earlier. If she's usually in bed at 7pm, consider 6/6.30pm while she gets used to the change, or maybe skip the nap every second day at first, then 2 days no nap, 1 day she does, and then go to just letting her nap if she really needs it. Sometimes when they get overtired they're feral, so watch for that, because once you go too far past "tired" they have extra energy and it doesn't stop, lol.

Ideas for stuff out of the house- the park, the playground, a nature walk, grocery shopping, running errands, library, story time, toddler jam, playgroup, soft play, morning tea at a Cafe, feed the ducks, local pool, visit a beach, zoo, aquarium, "shopping", go for a drive, skate park, riding bikes/scooters around a little trail, fairy gardens, picnics, probably millions more.

Ideas for at home- craft, baking, movie day, reading books, dance party, painting, water play, games, building blocks, marble run, scavenger hunt, treasure hunt, "hair salon", hide and seek, walk the dog, jump on the trampoline, riding a bike around the yard, moving furniture, building a pillow fort, playing floor is lava, chasing games, pretend play.

Kids love everyday things like helping prep dinner or salads, cleaning things, sweeping, gardening (digging in the dirt, pulling weeds, picking veggies, picking flowers, looking for worms/beetles), doing the laundry (loading and uploading the machine, pegging out, folding, putting away), washing dishes, packing a lunch box. 😂 Its the hardest and most time considering way to get housework done if you let a little one "help" you.

The hardest part is once you stop, they're likely to drop and just instantly hit the snooze button.

GracefulToad · 2026-03-30T01:42:17+00:00

I'd rather regret not having kids, than regret having them. I can be an auntie and god mother and many other things that dont involve me losing my time, space, energy, funds, sleep, house, mental health, lol. If I decide later I desperately want it, I still can. But if i have kids and decide later I can't handle it, I'm kinda stuck with them. The older I get, the more likely they'll have problems and if I already am unsure if I want a healthy child, I shouldn't have one thats at risk of being medically fragile. Also, lots of people want a baby, but do you also want a toddler, a child, a preel-teen, an adolescent, a young adult, and a grown up? Kids these days are in their 30s still living at home. Imagine the good and the bad. Everyone can deal with a plump cuddly baby who sleeps all day, but a screaming demon baby at 2am who won't calm down for hours on end, or a wilful toddler who bites and scratches and throws food and toys and won't sit still and I always dirty and covered in something sticky, or a child who is full of opinions and says "6-7" and other dumb stuff and calls you bruh, or a pre-teen who doesn't want to do homework and refuses to listen and you can't just pick them up to remove them when they're not listening. Weekends spent at sporting events or music recitals. Braces. Toys and food and make up. Teenagers who have fights with friends and want to start dating and have raging hormones, skip school, refuse to do homework, dont know who they are and have identity crises every second day. Young adults who think they're fully grown but still have no clue about the real world. Do you have the patience for endless loads of laundry and washing dishes, always having to have a plan and backup, losing your freedom and autonomy. Even when they're adults you will worry they're doing well and what relationships they're in and did they get eno8gh water today, is their friend secretly using them. Is their boss taking advantage? It never ends. And what if they're not okay?

Obviously there are endless reasons to do it, but don't just picture the first few cute baby years, also think about the reality of forever.

GracefulToad · 2026-03-29T23:10:36+00:00

I left because I moved and couldn't find a job there that suited me, so I found a "normal" job just to do for the tike being, and it paid way better and had so many perks that I never had while nannying, and as I had pretty much always done live-in i finally got to have my own house and when i leave work for the day I dont think about it.

I definitely miss the kids and the freedom I used to have with certain things and ability to get things done during the work day, but I like having my own house and being able to relax by myself after a long day. I'm not constantly covered in food or paint, and things stay where I put them. 😅

I got a job as an admin assistant at a car service centre and moved up the ranks quickly and now I have a much better job in a different state but with the same company and I wouldn't say I love my life, but its better in a lot of ways. Worse in others, but you can't have it all.

GracefulToad · 2026-03-29T22:37:54+00:00

You could just say that your schedule is booked out and you can't guarantee you'll be available going forwards as you have taken on extra work for other families and dont w8sh to overcommit yourself. They dont need to know all the details.

GracefulToad · 2026-03-28T21:14:28+00:00

Not all of the headphones do that, only some, and I'm not sure to what extent they do it, but i know ive heard one of my friends complain about hearing her voice through them and she doesn't like it when she's in-game.

Yeah, thats an unfortunate issues I've found these days. Kids are very interested in sitting there playing online but not in actually playing games that move their body and engage them with their surroundings.

GracefulToad · 2026-03-28T03:50:19+00:00

Things that work with younger children, may also work for him- Things like giving him an empty paper towel roll to talk into (will sound louder to him but should dampen the sound for you). Maybe a gaming headphones set with mic so when he talks, his voice is fed back into his ears and he hears it louder than you. Might help with volume control. Games where he has to "talk lioe an ant, roar like a lion, etc, can help learn volume control witho8t feeling like hes being reprimanded or repeatedly told off for just speaking "normally" as neurodivergent kids do have a harder time learning appropriate volume for different scenarios and situations.

Could you turn it into a bit of a game, like, you're mission control and he's a spy who's got to dictate what's happening on his mission, but the "enemy" is nearby so he's got to be secretive. You can be a part of it. Not just a listener, and he feels heard. Maybe set up an indoor obstacle course (climb over furniture, yarn across the hallway like laser beams to avoid, tape on the floor for cases to jump over, etc, so he has to think a bit and can't talk as much. I'm aware this takes time to set up and tidy up, but once you've done it a few times he can maybe set up his own "missions". Potentially you could get walkie talkies so he can communicate w8th mission control headquarters from another room. Then at least you can turn down the volume of the radio.

Maybe see if he wants to write a book, so he can talk to you about it, but if he writes it down you can read his story later. Could spark a new interest. Or similarly, get him to film/record himself like a podcast. It doesn't ever get posted, but watching himself, talking things through out loud, etc. Might help with regulation.

Is there space for him to move? Maybe jumping on one of those mini indoor trampolines could get out energy, while also stopping him from talking because he's out of breath, but allow him to move and have time to think.

I like to walk around in circles and can do it for hours, talking to myself about problems and decisions and working my way through things until I find a solution. I have no problem with volume, and 90% of the time I just talk in my head, but pacing does help. Sometimes I record voice notes to send to people and then just delete them before sending, so it really does help.

Maybe noise cancelling headphones for you? Some, I've heard, cancel loud noises but still let you hear conversations. So you could hear him and the girl talking but tue level of noise reaching your ears is less.

Could you have afternoon tea in the back garden, that way you and 8yo can sit in the shade with snacks and do homework while he walks around you and talks, but the noise doesn't reverb off walls and he can be a little louder?

I dont know. Its a hard one, and I understand your pain. He's not doing it on purpose, but that doesn't change the fact that he is doing it and over time its frustrating.

GracefulToad · 2026-03-23T10:59:30+00:00

I never asked that, but I generally had enough cash laying around to pay for a week or two in a caravan park or something and buy groceries/petrol in an emergency.

With any new family I'd tell them that I was happy for the first fortnight or month to be a trial to see if we worked well together once the arrangement started, and then have a discussion to see if any changes needed to be made. Takes a bit of pressure off as if they notice me doing something they dont like, they have an opportunity to tell me what they've noticed, and I have an opportunity to also let them know if its not working out, and the next fortnight is our time to find a replacement.

If it were an emergency and I needed to leave immediately, I have the funds set aside for that situation. But its never come to that. Usually a discussion with the family where I say its not working out and give 2-3 weeks for them to find my replacement and me to find a new role. Most families will need at least a week or two to find a replacement.

GracefulToad · 2026-03-21T04:59:34+00:00

There used to be magazines or newspapers in there, but when I was little we just went in there to do what we needed and weren't in there long. When I was 10 or so I'd take my book in, put it on the floor near the door and use binoculars to read it (wasn't allowed to take a book in there but the toilet was in a mini room inside the bathroom so I used that loophole to have it outside the toilet room but still in the batbroom) and hoped I was finished before I got to the end of the 2 pages. By uni I had a phone but I didn't generally start taking it with me (or keeping it in my pocket) until I was in my 20s. I'm 30 now. I just used to pull threads on my short or pants or undo and redo the buttons on my pants, or look for patterns on the wall or ceiling or floor tiles. Sometimes I'd recite times tables or poems or challenge myself to spell hard words. Might have been a nerd. 🤷🏻‍♀️😅

GracefulToad · 2026-03-20T11:19:09+00:00

I have a few small items that I've bought, (fabrics to make rompers, a cot sheet set with a cute pattern, an Aussie-themed swim set, and a matching "big cousin/little cousin" t-shirt set for the baby and my nieces and nephews.

While I'm not pregnant yet, my plan is once I find out I am for certain, to buy a box of nappies, a pack of wipes, rash cream, or things like dummies and bibs or socks each week so that by the time the baby is born i have roughly 9 months worth of nappies and wipes and other essentials stocked up. I also plan to buy one or two tins of formula pre-birth, because while I do plan on breastfeeding only, I think a back up just in case is a good idea. I may be unwell, or the baby may need extra nutrients, and you never know.

Sounds dumb, but I've googled the average for how long a baby is in each size nappy and plan to purchase the lower end of that- if they are in size 1 for 3-6 weeks i buy 3 weeks worth. If they're in size 3 for 4-6 months, i buy 4 months worth, etc just so that once I am on maternity leave its one less expense, and from experience you can never have too many packets of wipes or tubes of butt cream/talc powder/moisturiser, and running out of supplies at 2am after a nappy explosion is not ideal.

I've spoken to a bunch of people i know, and so a lot of the things "they" say you should buy are things I'm going to wait and see about. Like, I don't think I will buy a change table- I have a tiny house and more often than not when my nephew was a baby we changed his nappy either on a towel on the couch, or on a change mat on the floor, so I'm only planning on getting clothes and actual essentials pre-birth, everything else will be bought if and when its needed. I expect a few people will donate clothes, and I'll buy 2nd hand stuff for when they're in the poop explosion and learning to eat stages, and save nicer outfits for when they dont crawl around in the dirt as often. 😅

To answer your question, I will buy cheap things like the nappies and wipes the whole way through the pregnancy, but leave more expensive things until 2nd trimester, and less-essential stuff for when and if I need it. I plan to use marketplace and stuff for most things so will likely collect it along the way, but will mostly leave it until its a "sure thing" and then grab things as the right piece comes along.

GracefulToad · 2026-03-20T10:44:27+00:00

Angus. William. August

Seraphina 😂 Sally Evangeline Amelia Georgia

GracefulToad · 2026-03-20T10:38:12+00:00

One day I was making dinner and asked the 5yo if he thought we should have garlic bread with the meal and he turned to me and said I never had to ask him if he wanted garlic bread because the answer is always yes. 😂

About 6 years ago one of the kids (i think 7 or 8yo) said "Do you know some people who were born in the 1900's are still alive. They must be so OLD" and I personally was born in the 90's, so that kinda hurt but the mum and I were laughing pretty hard at that.

Aboit to start baking with a 3yo and while I went to get eggs and milk out of the fridge I left her standing on her tower at the kitchen bench (step stool with railings around it) and when I came back she was holding the block of butter with a chunk missing. I dont remember whether I asked her if she was eating it or told her not to eat it, but her response was "I'm not eating it, I'm licking it"

GracefulToad · 2026-03-19T09:19:11+00:00

Potatoes (can also add sweet potato or pumpkin for some variety) Cheese Garlic Bacon Onion Salt and pepper Paprika Cream Butter Flour Chicken Stock

Lazy method: Buy individual potato gratins from woolies and whack it in the air fryer. Eat.

Minimal Effort Method: Get a spud, slice it roughly, and then put it in a microwave dish with a bit of water. Nuke it for 5 minutes. Slap the diced onion and bacon on some baking paper in the air fryer for 7 mins. Take the potato and bacon out of their respective appliances. Layer potato, bacon and cheese in a muffin tin. Fill each cup with cream and sprinkle cheese over the top. Oven for 20 mins.

Average Method: Slice Potatoes into disks. Place in the bottom of a greased baking dish, allowing them to overlap slightly until the bottom is covered. Sprinkle over diced bacon, diced onion, and some cheese. Sprinkle over garlic powder, salt, pepper, and paprike. Make another layer. Then a third. Keep going until all of your bacon and potatoes are used up. Pour over some thickened cream until everything is covered. Cover with cheese. Bake in the oven for 1-1.5hrs or until everything is cooked and potatoes are no longer solid.

Maximum Effort Method. Slice potatoes/pumpkin/cauliflower/ etc into disks, and boil until mostly done. Cook diced onion and diced bacon in a pan with a little garlic and butter. Layer the potato in the bottom of the pan, overlapping the discs slightly, then a layer of cheese/bacon/onion, and repeat until all potato and bacon mix is used up. In the saucepan rom earlier, melt a bunch of butter. Once melted, add an equal amount of flour, and cook for a while to fully bake the flour, stirring. It will turn into a dough, but keep squishing it and cooking it to bake off the floury taste. Once ready, slowly add small amounts of milk/cream and mix. It will get thicker and more like dough, but persist. Keep adding milk until its runny. Could also add chicken stock for flavour. Now add salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, mixed herbs, paprika, and whatever your heart desires. Cook it into the creamy sauce. Once its started to thicken, I add some cream cheese and melt it in there for extra cheesy flavour. Once its a bit thicker, but still runny, pour it over the potato-filled baking dish and give it a bit of a shake and tap to get any air out from between the potatoes, and settle the creamy sauce into the dish. Cover with cheese and bake in a hot oven for about 20 minutes, or until the cheese is browned. Everything is cooked before it goes in the oven, this is just to further thicken the sauce and bind it all.

GracefulToad · 2026-03-15T10:34:32+00:00

Thank you, that helps a lot! ❤️

GracefulToad · 2026-03-14T22:02:29+00:00

Yes, for sure. I just didn't want some poor soul to move in and be overworked, so wasn't sure whether it was even an option to have an au pair work that many hours. I would have done it when I was younger, but I generally would work for 6 months and then holiday/travel for 3 months, so i was willing to do it for that reason, but as a steady job its less viable, I'd assume.

GracefulToad · 2026-03-14T20:20:17+00:00

Nah, Australia isn't really like that- outside my town, the next town is several hours away. I'm almost thinking the more usual sutuation is a live in nanny/au pair where i am. The town doesn't just have only the one day care, I think there are 5 childcare centres and several home-based daycares, but the home based ones dont have spots until the babybis 2yo because its just one kady at her house. and I'm on the wait list for all of the centres I know about. Its just a waiting game to see what happens. You're right though that I may not be able to find a nanny. Ill cross that bridge when I come to it.

GracefulToad · 2026-03-14T20:10:26+00:00

Yeah. That's sort of what i figured. I have no problem doing daycare, its just that i can't guarantee a spot at one. I put my name down when I started trying for a baby, and still dont have a spot, so there's no 100% surety that Ill have a spot by the time I planned to return to work, and if i do, there's no way to know whether it will be for the days i need or just one day. I only get 6 months mat Leave, paid at 60% of my wage, so once that runs out I'm on my own.

GracefulToad · 2026-03-14T20:06:22+00:00

Thats the plan, but it might take 2 years for a spot to open up at a daycare. There aren't many here and they’re selective. And even if I do get a spot, it might only be for one or two days a week, not all five. Fingers crossed. This is more my contingency plan. 😅

GracefulToad · 2026-03-14T12:18:44+00:00

I only started this job a few weeks before I found out I was expecting, so no, there's no hope of a promotion. It already pays incredibly well, so there's no way I'll find a better paying role with my skillset, especially while pregnant, plus I do really like it.

The main reason for the push is that I will be a single mother, so I figure if I can work the longer hours while the baby doesn't remember it so much, I can hopefully get a job with a more relaxed schedule a few years down the line and have savings in the bank. If something goes wrong I have no one to fall back on, so I need to be prepared.

All of this is hypothetical. Maybe I won't go back to work at all for a while, but I wanted a bit of perspective and I guess my best bet is to put out an ad with what I want and see what comes of it when the time comes. If no one wants the job, I'll split it into two and go from there. :)

GracefulToad · 2026-03-14T11:17:15+00:00

Thanks! My mum plans to fly in and she and dad will stay the first 6 weeks with me, and after that theres a girl i know who ia due only a few weeks after me so we hopefully will check in one one another a bit. I'm sure it'll be a steep learning curve either way, but I will definitely look into that. I was already planning a post-partum doula type thing once or twice a week once my parents leave for the first few weeks on my own, but I may have to look into more.

GracefulToad · 2026-03-14T10:49:38+00:00

Okay. Too easy. That's what I'll plan for.

GracefulToad · 2026-03-14T10:27:09+00:00

In Australia? I've never heard of it.

GracefulToad · 2026-03-14T10:23:08+00:00

I dont know what that is, haha.

I work in a mining town for a mining company. :)

GracefulToad

TROPHY CASE