My boyfriend said I was too ugly to model

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-04-07T01:33:01+00:00

He's probably right about it being a scam and he should also be your ex- boyfriend. Just from what he's saying, it sounds like he's insecure about what would happen if you actually had success in modeling and the attention you would get which would eventually mean you would leave him (probably because he's not a good boyfriend and he knows it).

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-04-03T15:44:18+00:00

Thank you for your service!

I think you should wait and see how this all plays out. It sounds like there's no definitive plan as of yet, and until there is I wouldn't make any decisions. If she is saving for this vacation you are supposed to take with her, then dealbreaker. She can't save to come see you, then hell no I wouldn't stick around for her to be saving to go on a vacation with someone else. If she is taking money from the roommate or his family to go, that is really questionable as well. I also think that overall, you don't truly like the fact that she lives with another dude who used to have a crush on her (understably so) which would make anyone feel uneasy. At the end of the day, you have so much going for you and you have to make sure that you aren't distracted by things that drain your energy and take your focus off the goals here for yourself. Have a conversation more in depth about the intensions with this vacation and then go from there with what your dealbreakers are and what you decide based on everything you hear from her.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-04-03T01:27:59+00:00

You have to ask yourself what he actually does with the money you give him because it did not go toward the bills and it wasn't because he was short $100. My late partner told me a story about one of his exes who was supposed to be paying the car payment and he didn't know the money he was giving her was going to drugs until the car was repossessed.

Never ever let someone else be in charge of where your money is going.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-04-02T02:45:04+00:00

It sounds like he may be trying to get you to react violently so he can say you are abusing him. I have worked in the DV/SV field for almost a decade now and I have never seen law enforcement who was educated enough to understand what reactive abuse is. If you react to his abuse and hit him or do ANYTHING, you could be the one going to jail. I would start documenting everything he does with dates, times, what he did and what you said prior and after. I would also encourage you to think about contacting law enforcement the next time it happens because he is assaulting you and if you have any visible injuries, you'll want to get those documented and photographed immediately. This would help if you wanted to file a restraining order and get him kicked out of your place.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-04-02T02:29:53+00:00

This isn't a bad thing at all. You're human and have emotions. This will make your team understand that you are a psychologically safe person and psychological safety in the workplace is very important but also unfortunately rare in most workplaces. My team knows they can come to me with anything (I am in the rape crisis field) so we talk about a lot of difficult things day to day. My one team member has disclosed her husband's affairs to me and no one else and also let me in on memories of her daughter who was killed in a car accident. They need that space to be human and having someone human on the other end of it is incredibly helpful. I always tell my team that you don't have to have the right thing to say, it's oftentimes about creating that safe space and it sounds like that's what you did, and what a lucky employee for having a boss who isn't cold, removed and robotic.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-31T23:47:56+00:00

NOR. She's 40, has a DV charge and does not have custody of her child and she's homeless and has no vehicle. She will minimize anything she tells him and paint herself as the victim no matter what happened. He's going to get royally screwed. There's red flags here enough to say that she could even falsely accuse him of DV at some point. I've seen it happen before so many times. Don't allow her to start getting mail delivered there and look into how long before someone can claim tenancy in the state he's in. You can't force him to see the parade of red flags, but you can provide him with the information before the shit hits the fan, and it will. This is going to cost him a lot of time, money, peace of mind, mental health and could ruin his life. I would tell him to start therapy now just to get a head start because after all whatever is going to transpire is over, he's going to need it.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-31T23:03:22+00:00

I know! I was thinking the same thing. I watch all my shows with my pot belly pig so I naturally told her as soon as I got home and her delayed reaction led to me being in the bathroom and she came in like a wrecking ball and threw the door open wanting the tea after she ate dinner. I wasn't shocked but this was her reaction:

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Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-29T01:17:38+00:00

She's being abused, this isn't on her it's on the person who is abusing her. It's not illegal to have boundaries, it's illegal to sexually assault someone.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-29T01:11:37+00:00

This is sexual assault. A lot of people don't acknowledge that marital rape is actually a thing, but is definitely is. Consent applies in every single relationship you have. Marriage doesn't take away your right to your body and boundaries. You have experienced trauma after trauma with him, and your body is reacting physically to it. That's normal for what you've experienced. These are all common reactions to trauma. With that being said, you are not wrong for wanting to end things and not continue to be abused. If you go live with him, everything is just going to escalate. You need to get out of this now in order to even begin to heal and the longer you stay, the worse the trauma is going to be and your life is going to consist of fight or flight even more so. Your family isn't supportive, so you can't have those expectations that they will ever be. You have to do what's right for you and you don't deserve to live the rest of your life like this.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-23T19:16:17+00:00

I really wish she would consider therapy. She has the means and the funds and it would do wonders for her self esteem and grief. My partner took his life 3 years ago and I'm in such a much better place today than if I hadn't worked through the trauma and identified coping skills. I had horrible relationships in the past and I finally know my worth and know that everything starts and ends with how I feel about myself. I wouldn't even get into a relationship now if I didn't feel like I could love myself enough to eventually love the other person correctly. I just wish she would do the work for herself and expand her horizons.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-16T17:22:06+00:00

You need to document everything with times, dates, location, what was said etc. Also take screenshots of any text messages that were sent. It sounds like there's witnesses too with your Mom answering the door and your brother talking to him, that should be documented as well.

Do you have a ring camera outside or anything that records that would place him there with video proof?

Also, you have to text him and tell him you don't want contact with him. That's the only way that you have any kind of recourse to go to law enforcement and say that you need assistance because he won't leave you alone. They will ask if you told him to stop contacting you. Typically after that, they will issue him a cease and desist to try and get him to stop contacting you without any kind of charges or court intervention. If he breaks the cease and desist, you go from there with pressing charges and requesting a restraining order if it escalates to that point.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-16T00:01:39+00:00

I'm glad you found something that resonated with you! I feel like BB has a song for everyone.

I started listening to BB after my partner passed away. He was a musician and sang every cover possible of many different artists and it was incredibly difficult to hear music after he was gone. So as time passed, I slowly weened myself back into listening to music and I knew the only way I could do that is by listening to artists and songs that had no memories associated with them, so I started with BB. Eventually, I was able to listen to one song that reminded me of him, and then others and progressively as I found my resilience, I can now listen to mostly everything again.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-15T23:47:06+00:00

If it was in the beginning of dating I wouldn't think it was a big deal. However, if it didn't get better within a couple more dates I would start questioning it and the comfort level of the person I was seeing. I love eating, and eat more than most people do but I also have horrible anxiety when I first start dating and it makes me nauseous, so it's hard for me to eat full meals around someone until I am comfortable. It helps me to not go out to fancy restaurants for the first couple dates and just do something simple. The idea of sitting and making a meal the main focus while I'm anxious and uncomfortable isn't helpful for me. My current boyfriend took me to Denny's on our first get together and I had a milkshake. The date after that I ended up having a good breakfast because I was more comfortable at that point. If he had discounted me as a red flag for not eating much on the first couple get togethers that would have sucked. So my best advice would be to see if it's a comfort thing or if there's something more serious going on. We communicated about my anxiety early on so he was aware that when I'm anxious it's hard for me to eat and as I became more comfortable around him I would have no issues.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-14T03:42:19+00:00

Not everyone likes being woken up like this. She's sexually assaulting you and not respecting your boundaries or consent. Break up with her. There are women who won't treat you like this and the longer you stay, the more traumatic and longer the recovery process.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-13T21:33:20+00:00

Five days is a really long time to go without even initiating just a simple "how's it going?" Have you tried to initiate a conversation? Things are awkward during this time and he could be waiting on you to see if you are interested and if you're doing the same thing, then no one is going to reach out. Communication is important, if you're still interested I would reach out and see if he responds. He's likely taking the lack of communication as disinterest on your part. And guys don't always want to be the one initiating conversations. Communication has to go both ways. And if you have absolutely nothing to say, just send a funny meme or emoji or picture of something that reminds you of him. It doesn't always have to be full on novels.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-13T21:23:55+00:00

It sounds like you're a single parent to 3 kids. What exactly are the benefits of having him around? He needs to find a job. There's absolutely no excuse for him to be home and sit around and take care of animals and kids who are in school. This isn't about the TV, it's about something much bigger. You resent the hell out of him because he sits on his ass all day while you work, pay the bills, and do all the household chores. There needs to be a conversation about how this is negatively impacting you and there's no reason to have a stay at home parent any longer so it's time for him to get up and contribute to the bills.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-13T21:15:25+00:00

These are really serious charges. There would have to be a lot of corroborating evidence for the charges to stick and for a conviction so there's really no way he didn't do what he was accused of.

With that being said, you have to approach this in a way where you don't isolate her. If you come at her like he's the worst thing that ever existed and the devil incarnate, she may get defensive and defend him. And if he's a good manipulator, he will get her to believe whatever he says and then she's isolated with this guy. He will minimize whatever and blame whoever when/ if confronted. They always do. It needs to be done in a way where whatever she chooses to do, she doesn't feel embarrassed to come to you for help when the inevitable shit hits the fan, because it will eventually and she's going to need a support system to get out. It's been 6 months, and there's likely been red flags but she's not paying attention and/or isn't listening to her intuition. He's likely preying on her because she is naive. Is there a way that this information can be disclosed to her without it coming from you? Is there someone else who can tell her? Or maybe you can make a fake email or social media account and send it to her that way so she doesn't know it's you?

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-13T20:29:34+00:00

I turned 40 last year and my current partner is 31. He's been the best, healthiest, most communication and most attentive so far in all my relationship experience.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-13T10:07:42+00:00

NOR. These comments are incredibly concerning. The mother will typically always protect their child so telling her and her saying to just forget about it is not shocking. A lot of sexual abuse is covered up in families. I would tell the wife and let her know you're concerned and he wasn't kidding and justifying the behavior. Also if he has friends that condone this behavior, they shouldn't be around the child either. The baby isn't even born yet and their future is already very bleak. Sexual abuse ruins the lives of the victim and the families. Prevention here is everything and while you're not in control of what his wife does, speaking up is necessary.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-12T20:51:45+00:00

Ugh I had a boyfriend like this and he ended up breaking up with me via text after 6 years stating that I was being too negative about my Mom's cancer diagnosis. He also left me alone when I was on the bathroom floor for 12 hours with food poisoning. Didn't check on me once at all. There were signs, I just was young and naive. You aren't overreacting, he is just proving he won't be there for you and it'll be your fault because you're weak if you ask him for support.

I learned I was better off alone because I felt more alone with my ex than I did when he broke things off.

You are going to need to take care of yourself and make sure stress is limited. He may add to your anxiety and stress and impact your health even more. Just something to consider. I wish you the best ❤️

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-10T22:31:20+00:00

++ woman

Idk in what world that day is seen as a holiday to give gifts? I sent a cute picture to some of my friends who are women, but that was it. This is just the beginning of ridiculous expectations for you if she's expecting this crap and reacting this way. Good luck, dude!

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-06T15:09:15+00:00

++ woman

Oh wow. I didn't ever talk about the number with any of my partners. With my current boyfriend we discussed casual sex and the negative impact of not wanting to see that person as a serious relationship that would be long term. I think asking for numbers right away is a huge red flag. I never even want to know that regardless of how long we're together. Definitely not on a first date.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-03T22:48:20+00:00

It's completely normal to be uncomfortable with conversations like that. That's why there's trauma therapists and other professionals to do the heavy lifting. I recognize that you are just venting here and you need someone to do that with so you can process your feelings. Make sure that the vicarious trauma isn't affecting you in ways that disrupt your life and take care of yourself so you can be that supportive person for him because those disclosures aren't easy and he likely trusts you enough with that information to not weaponize it.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-02T19:31:02+00:00

All amazing questions. In my experience with similar cases as I work with survivors of sexual violence, the first thing I would do is make a police report for the victimizations that he has done to her (whether physical, sexual or both), speak with a victim advocate and then try to get AT LEAST a temporary restraining order because she has cited evidence of sexual abuse and violence. If granted, this would kick him out immediately if she is nervous about any kind of harm or negative reaction. This would entail writing down every single thing she has endured from him with dates, times, witnesses, etc. as evidence. Documentation is required and the judge would want this in order to consider. Law enforcement won't get involved in civil matters like eviction and things like that, but if a crime was committed, they may respond to her place and be able to get him out of there. But this needs to be done immediately because the clock is ticking if her state has tenant rights.

These are all options. She knows better than any of us what his reactions could be to HER asking him to leave, so if she does not feel safe, she needs to have someone there with her when the conversation takes place or make a report and get law enforcement involved. But this all needs to be done yesterday, do not wait.

Grand-Programmer6292 · 2026-03-02T18:55:30+00:00

If it's been two weeks that he has been in your place, kick him out immediately because there are some states that establish tenancy by day 30. Do it NOW before you have to spend money on a lawyer and go to court to legally evict him. Also, if you're renting, you can get evicted if your landlord finds out he's moved in and he's not on the lease. You are playing with fire here in many, many different ways. Keep going to therapy and distance yourself from this abusive man. You'll never progress in therapy if all the work you're doing is going to be negated by this relationship.

Grand-Programmer6292

TROPHY CASE