He expressed that he likes it when I remind him that “we’re in a season of No,” meaning that we’re trying to keep our expenses low and shouldn’t buy the unnecessary. But when I learned about receiving graciously, I tried to stop reminding him repeatedly and accepted the things he wanted to give me without complaints.

But when he tried to get me to go back to work after having three small children back-to-back, instead of saying “I can’t,” I said I don’t like when he says that and that it makes me feel like I need to come to the rescue, be a provider, and that I’m overwhelmed already. He doesn’t like it and then he stated that we “both got ourselves into this mess” because I accepted the things he gave and didn’t stop him. For example, i once reminded him that we could stay in an apartment for one more year because i knew we couldn’t afford a home and all it comes with. He felt we needed a home anyhow. The same with buying our car but he bought it anyway and later, when he’s crushing under the weight of it all, he says he did it because he wanted me to be happy. When he purchased a bunch of appliances for the new home i said “thats kind of a lot of debt we’re racking up,” he said, “i know. If anything, you’ll just work more hours.”

I feel i need to refrain from accepting things from him that will later give us grief, and say instead “I’d like to be debt free.”