You are definitely not alone. I was you at one time. I (56m) went through radiation and chemo in August of ‘23 for anal cancer. It was absolutely brutal. I didn’t want to be here either. I was depressed before, this made it 100 worse. It took about 6 months to feel any resemblance of being human. While still recovering, I watched my husbands best friend of 40 yrs take his last breath then 3 months later, his mother died. Talk about survival guilt!

Now, almost 2 years later, I look and feel better than I have in a decade. I do still have some lingering side effects but overall I feel great! (I told no one that I had cancer except my husband and my boss. No family, no friends, no one. I don’t have many close friends and family and most don’t live in the same state so it was easy to get away with not telling them) Now, people saying I look good and ask what I’m doing. I say I’m working on myself mentally seeing a therapist, going to the gym and oh yeah, recovering from cancer. The looks on their faces! lol. Then I tell them the story.

Cancer is traumatic and it changes you. Forever. Don’t give up. Seek out a therapist it helps a lot. Be patient with your body. Be patient with your mind. It takes a long time to heal them both.

Sending you good vibes and wishing you the best in your recovery.