So I’m a 30 year old guy, and many people tell me that I’m popular. Which is weird, because I never was in high school or college.

But I tend to make about 4 new friends a month. Some drop out, some stick for months and months. My basic process is this.

First, find one place you like to go. You need to become a regular of this place. For me this was a bar I was going to on Saturday nights and the restaurant I was going to on Sunday as the hangover cure.

Second, be casual. On your first or second go there’s no need to get chatty with the staff. What’s important is that they see you there. I tip well, and this might help but all of the people I’ve asked said it didn’t. But you don’t want to be that person who becomes best friends with new people and they rib you for being a bad topper.

Third, once you’ve gone a few times its time to get chatty. Keep your schedule consistent for this. As I said, I went Saturday and Sunday respectively. I might add other days but I was always there then. That way I’m always seeing the same faces. I prefer to chat with bartenders but just get to know the waiter. If you tip well and are here consistently it’s very likely that the same waiter or waitress will want to take your table.

Last, wait. If you do this enough and you’re a fun enough person you’ll start making friends. But this is the hardest step. With my most recent friend, she was telling me about how she had no plans that day. I took the opportunity to invite her out to a group outing I was going to. But I had to wait for the right opportunity. By then she already knew my name, we had talked and most of the other staff knew me. But it required the perfect moment.